Are you willing to die for your marriage?

Growth Marriage

What would you do if you had to stand up and speak in front of 6,000 people without notice? Yeah... that happened to me a few weeks ago. I was at a conference, and the speaker, a very intimidating guy named Garrett White went out into the audience to do some coaching. (Save some veiny muscles for the rest of us, Garrett. Sheesh…) Anyway… I’m sitting in the audience, taking notes and minding my own business when suddenly Garrett is standing in front of me. He hands me a microphone and says, “Let’s talk.” So, without emptying my bladder (I’m proud of that), I stood up and introduced myself. He reached out and stroked my beard, something I only let my wife do… but how do you say no to a scary dude like him in front of 6,000 people? And then we started to talk. He asked me what I’d learned from his talk so far. Luckily I had been paying attention and I shared something that had hit me quite hard. I told him his talk made me want to die. But not in the literal way. I wanted to die metaphorically. I knew that in order for me to become the person I want to be - the person who will impact millions of marriages, lower the divorce rate, rid the world of mediocre love, and be the most kick-butt husband imaginable - it meant the person I am now would have to die off. Who I am now is not sufficient. Although I am making progress, I currently lack the necessary focus, commitment, knowledge, leadership, and fortitude to accomplish my goals. My ability to reach my goals in a shorter time span hinges on my willingness to kill off the parts of myself that I need to let go of to make space for the “new me” to come into existence. I’ll be real with you… there’s a lot I can let go of or “kill off.” For starters, I tend to run away from my weaknesses… like budgeting, or anything that involves “processes or operations.” I avoid doing things that scare me, like talking to strangers. Especially when I feel like those strangers have a higher “status” than I do. I sometimes choose to eat like garbage, and waste a lot of time in front of screens. I find it easy to point out the faults of others and I resist recognizing the faults in myself. And these are just the things I’m AWARE of! There are plenty of other things that need to “die off” that I’m blind to. It’s easy to buy into the pop-culture narrative that you’re “good enough” exactly how you are. Now, I do NOT want to perpetuate self-loathing. But the older and more experienced I get, the more I realize that the people who really make a difference in the world, in their communities, and in their relationships never feel satisfied. They are always looking for a new way to grow, a weakness to let go of, or a problem to solve. Check out today’s podcast and ask yourself the question, “What part of me needs to die off in order to have the life I want?” The best lives are filled with 1,000 tiny deaths. Opportunities to let go, forgive, move forward, and be better. So yeah… I (more or less) explained that to Garrett. He didn’t have much to say to me. He took his microphone back and walked back to the stage. I guess he saw that I’d learned the lesson. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Shoot me an email, or leave a comment if this created a shift for you! Are there parts of you that need to die off? If so, what are they, and what are you going to do about it? -Nate