#5: Menopause Real Lives: Marian Child

Simply Hormones Podcast

I had the pleasure of interviewing Marian Child on her own journey through menopause. Experiencing an Early Menopause, Marian felt lost; her own family were highlighting her symptoms, as she wasn’t recognising them.

Marian Child

Transcript of INTERVIEW with KATHRYN COLAS and MARIAN CHILD – June 2010

Hello, Good Morning, it's Kathryn Colas, here from http://www.simplyhormones.com and I'm here today talking to Marian Child from her clinic called Marian Child. And I know that Marian specialises in a variety of different therapies which we'll talk about during our conversation but we're going to start by talking to Marian about her experience going through menopause. Marian thinks she's now post-menopausal, she's 45 and has probably gone through it earlier than most people which, normally you might reach post-menopause by about 51. So, Good Morning, Marian, how are you?

Marian Child: I'm fine, thank you, how are you?

KC: I'm very well, it's a nice sunny day, here in Sussex. So let's talk about menopause, Marian, you are currently, well still experiencing some symptoms but can you describe the symptoms you experienced as you were first going through menopause?

MC: First of all, I started to suffer from hot flushes, both during the day and during the night because I wasn't really sure what they were. I just thought it was a bit strange and then the periods stopped and that's when I sort of, I guessed, that I'm quite young, I was 43 when they started, so I just wondered whether it was a blip in my health.

KC: Oh, right, yes, yes. So you didn't really experience, or, let me ask you, did you experience other symptoms that you may not have associated with menopause like loss of confidence, loss of self-esteem, or even mild depression. Do you think any of those might have affected you?

MC: I think, possibly but that was the time I started to work for myself and when you're working for yourself there is a lot of that when you're on your own, so maybe I did experience them but it was a bit hit and miss with what I was going through anyway. So it wasn't something that I identified.

KC: No. But it might perhaps have added to your own feelings at the time because you were starting a new business?

MC: Yes

KC: Yes. OK. So now, we're pretty sure that you're post-menopausal now. You haven't had any periods for a year, although they did briefly re-start once you'd done, you told me, didn't you do some reflexology, or something?

MC: I was practicing reflexology for my exams so thought I'd try it on myself and it seemed to co-inside with that because as soon as I stopped doing it on myself they did not come back again.

KC: Ha, ha, how bizarre, isn't it. Don't know the answer to that one…

MC: Might just have been coincidence

KC: Yes, yes. But you say you are still experiencing some hot flushes? How's that?

MC: They're not as they used to be, they're just, sometimes I'll suddenly feel warm. I don't get the sudden flush and sweaty feeling in my face. I just feel unaccountable warm suddenly and I need to take my jumper off and then I'm back to normal again very quickly.

KC: And do you get that many times during the day?

MC: Yes, I'd say, seven or eight times during the day but not very often during the night, though

KC: Yes, that's good, that's something. I do know from my own research that I was horrified to discover that elderly women in their 70' still experiencing hot flushes. So, it's obviously a hormone imbalance that we're still experiencing in there, that's creating these hot flushes. So it's a bit rough on some of us, well, it just goes on, doesn't it. We never seem to… Although other areas of our lives improve; I know from my own self, my health and wellbeing is certainly much more improved, have you found the same?

MC: I think I'm still getting there, I think I'm still getting to the point… various things like my skin doesn't feel as good as it used to be and I think, again it's a hormone imbalance…

KC: Yes. Is it much drier would you say?

MC: No, other way round!

KC: Oh, really, yes

MC: It's a lot more oilier

KC: A lot oilier. I'm the complete opposite

MC: I am, as I say, I am trying to do a lot more things to make myself feel better. A lot more exercise and I'm going to try and diet but I think, first things, first. I find it very difficult. I think I'm comfort eating a lot.

KC: Did you find, as you were going through menopause that you put on weight? Or, are putting on weight now and not because you are comfort eating but generally even when you were on a regular eating regime?

MC: I think there's a problem being self-employed, you tend to pick at meals when you are available to eat. Most of my people that want appointments want them at lunch time, so, again, it might be a bit hit and miss. It's very difficult to identify and I must admit I don't eat a healthy diet. It's one of those things you keep meaning to do but I don't but I am trying to exercise more and I am beginning to feel the benefits of it.

KC: Good, yes, that certainly does help. It helps to stabilise the metabolism, get all your organs moving, if nothing else, doesn't it.

MC: And it makes you feel better

KC: It does, yes. And were you aware, I know you didn't when you first started to go through menopause you had these hot flushes and you weren't sure that it was actually menopause that was starting then, were you also aware that metabolism, our metabolism is turned on its head and that we do start to store more fat as a natural process than we used to store as energy. Did you know about that?

MC: Yes, I think because of the setting that I do, the massage and the general anatomy and physiology that you have to learn, I'm probably a lot more aware of my health and changes in my body than perhaps I would have done in any other sort of business but it does make you feel better to know that.

KC: And, while you were having your hot flushes and even now, have you taken any supplements or any medication to try and overcome this?

MC: No I haven't. I know that Evening Primrose Oil and HRT but I must admit I'm not really aware of what you can take and what's good to take.

KC: Yes, because there's a whole myriad of things out there, isn't there and they say take some of this, take some of that but when you just walk into the health food shop you can end up buying a whole basket full of goodies, not understanding exactly what you are taking, why and how much of it

MC: Yes, and another thing, because I'm early, the doctor sent me for an osteoporosis test and then they've identified that I've got the very early, early stages, so I increase my intake of calcium through milk and yoghurt which I enjoy eating but that's probably the only thing which has changed and I'm increasing my fish, eating more fish, particularly sardines

KC: Oily fish, yes

MC: Again, all because of the calcium

KC: Yes, most definitely. I'm glad you raised that point about osteoporosis, Marian, because I don't think women realise how soon osteoporosis can start to affect our bones. We just always associate this silent disease as affecting us when we're about 70. But it doesn't start the night before your 70^th birthday, of course, it takes about ten years to start having an affect on us and it's only as a result of the decline of our hormones that it starts to have a serious effect but, of course we can do something about it and we always go back to that boring old subject of having to do exercise and eat more nutritious meals. And of course, luckily, you've had your doctor tell you that quite early on, so you're able to do something about it.

MC: Yes, also my mother had it.

KC: Right

MC: It's not something that either of us were aware of until it was too late but knowing what to look for now is something that I appreciate a lot more and I'm glad that we've done something about it

KC: Yes, most definitely. There is something about the genetics that we go through as well that's very important so it's always worth knowing what any member of your family, blood relative, has gone through to know what to look for your own future health, isn't it.

MC: Yes

KC: Just moving on a bit and talking to you about your work, Marian. I know you're a therapist and I understand that you specialise really, or you utilise three areas predominantly of therapy, to give them a more rounded experience to your clients and you must find it interesting as every person is seeing you for something quite different and of course you're seeing men and women. Can you tell me a little bit about how you talk to your customers, your clients and what leads you into which type of therapy they might be needing.

MC: Well, I work with a variety of different therapies, for example Sports Massage, Manual Lymphatic Drainage, ordinary massage, Reflexology and quite a few more. When someone comes in they generally give me an idea of what's going on; maybe they've got back ache, maybe they've got neck ache. But you've got to be aware of the whole of them; what they're doing as they're walking in, how they're standing, how they're walking. I think what is really exciting about my job is you never know when people come in the door what they're going to bring in with them and how you're going to solve it and until they come in and you discuss everything, what to do. Maybe they've slept funny just the night before, maybe it's part of their job and I just love the idea of working with them, not just me working on them, it's working together with them to help to produce a solution.

KC: And they go away much happier, obviously

MC: Yes, I like to keep tabs on them; I give them homework to do, little exercises to try and keep them going, so I like to think that I continue to do a good job once they've left the room, as well.

KC: Yes. I think that's the experience we all want to get from a therapist, actually and not just go to a therapist for one particular thing that we've been recommended by somebody else because it might just not be suitable. So it's always best to find somebody that does perhaps have the knowledge of more than one therapy, in some case.

Going back to menopause, Marian, I always say that ‘I wish I'd known then what I know now. Is there anything you would say that start to feel those hormonal changes that are starting to have some kind of impact on their lives.

MC: I think involve your partners, your husband, your children; to let them know what's going on, to help them understand that maybe you're going to be a little bit irritable; maybe you, yourself don't really understand what's going on but you know you're going through it. So it may be the case that they're going to look out for signs that perhaps you're missing, as you say, maybe when you're low, they can help by ignoring you if that's how you prefer to feel. I must admit I've been a bit irritable at times which I don't think is like me and so they are fore-warned …

KC: That they recognise that. And yes, I would agree with you that communication is key and that's something I didn't do which lead to all sorts of traumas in my own family life but it's interesting, would you agree that you don't quite feel yourself, you know there's something not quite right but you can't put your finger on it?

MC: I think it's usually in hindsight. Sometimes you just feel rotten, or you just feel, I don't know, the whole world's again and then when you come out of that, I feel that I don't recognise it at that time. I'm almost relying on other people around me to identify that perhaps I'm acting a bit more irrationally. I find I don't always have patients to do a job that I've done the day before …

KC: Yes, without any problems at all

MC: Yes. And also, sometimes I feel I'm useless. It's not so much in what I'm doing but as a human being. I feel like Mother Nature no longer needs me and there's sometimes I don't feel like dressing up. I don't feel like putting on my make-up and again, I just want people around me to understand that I'm not necessarily letting myself go, it's just part of how I'm feeling that day.

KC: Yes. I don't want to be part of the world today, just leave me alone. Yes, that's another point a lot of women, don't realise, because so many of us have those same feelings and it's all down to this hormone imbalance again. I've read about women when they get PMS or, not just PMS, the cycle of the hormones with the oestrogen coming in and then the progesterone and then there's an imbalance and that's why we feel so rotten sometimes, on a monthly basis, just when we're menstruating, so this seems to be magnified as we go through menopause and we just don't understand it. As a human being, I'm sure the medical fraternity understand it but, again, they never get around to telling us what's going on. Would you agree, we need to get more information at our doctor's surgery, for instance? Where do you think might be the best placeto get some information?

MC: I think I'm a very much internet based person and I'm probably more likely to find stuff on there but occasionally do don't always know you're going through it until after the event, or it's almost you need to be forewarned but we don't want to know do we. It's all part of the ageing process. We don't look into it and perhaps that's something that we need to be more aware of when we get to a certain age, to be educated.

KC: Yes, yes, better education earlier on – be it through a doctor's surgery, or magazines, or on the internet, some information should be available to encourage women to do something about it sooner, rather than waiting until they're in the depths of despair in some cases before they think ‘I must do something'.

MC: I think it shouldn't be something … we tend to think it's the end , the end of our womanhood and I don't think it should be seen like that. And because it's such a hidden, unspoken kind of life, it's taboo – it should be more spoken about…

KC: Yes, that's right, yes and more accepted because it is a metamorphosis that we're going through, really and instead of being the end of a journey, it's the beginning of a new one, because you can come out of it with a new perspective on life. You might start a new career, for instance, which is what I did and just feel so much better about yourself and the way you want to live your life now. I suppose quite a cleansing process even though it can be quite painful, so would you agree with that?

MC: Yes, I would. I think that might be perhaps the reason why I decided to change my career. Although being a bit early but I had to travel four hours a day to London and I actually didn't like it but I actually had a need to do something different, I really felt there was something wrong with the way I was doing things, so maybe again, that's all part of the change.

KC: Yes, because I keep reading in lots and lots of the books I pick up now, psychology and all sorts of other things, ‘to be true unto yourself' and it took me a long time to understand that phrase because it's a very loaded phrase, ‘ be true unto yourself' and I think it's different for everyone and I think it's just a case, or I felt that it was just the case for me of looking inwards and finding what I was really all about and who I really was because I think we forget that, in a sense, we're on that treadmill of going out to work , day after day, got the husband, the house, all sorts of things going but we forget who WE once were and our likes and dislikes because we've started compromising and supporting other areas of our life.

MC: I think that's not something we should just do just at this time of our lives, I think that's something we should have been doing earlier on but we should also continue to do because we do all change and I think you said, we need to be true to ourselves.

KC: Yes, yes, but for me, it didn't really hit me until I was going through menopause and I suffered from mild depression from my… I suffered from mild depression and it was only as a result of that that I got a wake-up call, you know, hang on , I've become a door mat, is how I felt and so I felt that need to do something about it and I've come out of it much stronger, I must say. I still have my moments, of course, I mean, nothing's perfect, but yes, it is something that everybody needs to make a note of. You don't need to be zealots about the whole process but just to be aware and know that we should cling onto our personality and develop areas that we enjoy doing; different subjects, might be antique collecting, painting, therapy, all sorts of things, isn't it. Something you feel good at doing. Like mine, is researching hormones, it's just fascinating for me and I just love it.

MC: I think we all have a certain need to learn more. I think we've done the same thing time and time again and now we need to rediscover, not just ourselves but what's going on out there.

KC: That's right. And I think, for me, it surprised me that I could actually take all this information in and because you forget how to learn, or you feel you forget how to learn, don't you. You never stop learning but to actually pick up a book and study it and learn something in depth about what you want to do and you come out of it thinking, wow, I know about that now, that's surprised me.

MC: I've always learnt. I've always done courses since I left school because I love learning but this is completely different. I've always learned very technical stuff and this is very much more hands on and being in tune with people.

KC: Yes, it's more spiritual, isn't it?

MC: Yes. Although I think you need to think differently and I think it's just doing something that's completely different but also doing it for yourself.

KC: Yes, and I think, coming back to being true to yourself, as well. I became more spiritual and it's not in a religious way, it's just understanding more how your body works and how nature is working in tandem with that and just the awareness of it. Again, you don't have to rush off to India and do a course on Ayurveda, or anything like that but it's just finding your own balance, your own level of understanding and what you feel comfortable with. Isn't it?

MC: Yes, yes, and enjoying it

KC: Yes, and enjoying it, most definitely. Ok. Well that's brilliant, Marian thanks for your insight onto your own feelings going through menopause and good luck with your finding out your best nutrition levels and keep up with the exercise. Because I know that as soon as I stop excercising I immediately start to feel bloated again and it's keeping up with that and it doesn't have to be manic, either, as I'm sure you would agree. Just do it at your own level, as long as you're doing a regular exercise.

MC: And enjoying it

KC: And enjoying it! OK. Alright then, Marian, thanks very much for your time and I'm sure we'll talk again soon.

About Marian Child – Marian Child is 45, married and lives in East Sussex. Family comprises of a 3 year old puppy called Treacle. After working in London for 24 years as a business analyst and webdesigner she felt she had lost her individuality and self- worth.

After qualifying as a hypnotherapist she left her London job to develop her therapy portfolio to include Massage & Reflexology in which she now specialises. You can contact Marian: [e-mail] and her website is http://www.marianchild.co.uk. Tel: [phone]

Kathryn Colas: You'll find lots of information on menopause, including my own personal journey at http://www.simplyhormones.com and do watch ‘Menopause: The Movie' highlighting how relationships are affected at menopause; here's the link: http://www.simplyhormones.com/video.asp and do join me on my blog for my own views on what's going on in the world: http://www.simplyhormonespodcast.com and feel free to comment on my ramblings and podcasts. Last but not least, you can contact me: [e-mail] .

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