Dr Everett Worthington on promoting forgiveness in every willing heart, home and homeland (10#)

Candour Communication Podcast

2:12 - started as a nuclear engineer.

3:14 - Ev's mission is to do all I can to promote forgiveness in every willing heart, home and homeland.

4:16 - why is forgiveness so important to you?

6:01 - why is forgiveness so hard?

8:05 - what causes hurt.

9:28 - what is justice.

10:07 - both revenge and reconciliation is required for survival.

11:00 - the consequences of holding onto a grudge.

12:04 - spiritual consequences of holding onto grudges.

12:18 - mental health consequences of grudges.

13:33 - impact on physical health.

15:54 - does forgiveness let the other person off the hook?

16:30 - two types of forgiveness.

17:38 - you can forgive too early.

17:56 - you can both forgive and hold them accountable.

18:17 - the hardest thing Ev has forgiven.

18:43 - there are some things that I just don't think I can forgive.

19:10 - all events are forgivable.

19:18 - injustice gaps.

20:23 - forgiveness is not the only way to deal with injustice.

21:23 - REACH forgiveness model.

22:03 - R: Recall the hurt.

22:32 - E: Empathise.

23:32 - A: Altruistic gift. Forgiveness is not something anyone deserves.

24:11 - C: Commit

24:21 - H: Hold onto the commitment to forgive when I doubt.

24:51 - feeling angry doesn't mean you haven't forgiven.

25:46 - repeat offenders.

27:35 - Christian view on forgiveness.

28:16 - applying the empathy step of REACH.

29:46 - what to do when we're the offender.

30:31 - make it right with what you hold sacred.

30:51 - make it right with the person.

31:12 - CONFESS model for the offender.

31:26 - C: Confess without excuse.

31:47 - O: Offer an apology.

31:59 - N: Note the other person's pain.

32:09 - F: Forever value the person.

32:35 - E: Equalize.

32:46 - S: Say 'never again'.

32:58 - S: Seek forgiveness.

33:19 - make it right psychologically with yourself.

33:46 - use REACH to forgive yourself.

34:29 - hardest step: accept myself.

34:56 - struggle with self acceptance is what keeps psychotherapists in business.

35:12 - last step: live virtuously.

35:22 - Ev's personal experience with self forgiveness.

40:59 - it's hardest to help the people closest to us.

43:13 - helping a country to forgive: contribution in South Africa after Apartheid.

45:39 - difference between personal and group forgiveness.

48:00 - the difference one person can make through forgiveness.

48:20 - forgiveness research has taken off in recent years due to international need for reconciliation.

49:54 - the role humility plays in forgiveness.

50:19 - what humility actually is.

53:35 - free resources for forgiveness and humility.

53:44 - how to get in touch with Ev.

54:25 - final thank you.

More detailed show notes with links and references can be found at: https://candourpodcast.com/dr-everett-worthington/