Special guest Chris Kennedy, Pastor and Author Chris’s book, Grace Under Pressure - https://amzn.to/3FBrdU2 (associate link) Proactive v reactive approach Proactive = investing in taking care of ourselves, our emotions, our whole selves to be able to live in the moment more authentically as ourselves and in what we value/believe Reactive = awarenes…

How do I find more happiness? Happiness is a momentary emotion, as all emotions are, time oriented, even as a mood Tip 1 - Look for happy moments, not a vague ongoing experience Defining – emotion related to joy, gladness, satisfaction, or wellbeing Related to confidence or satisfaction with a moment, a person, a situation Tip 2 – avoid all or noth…

How do I tell the difference between my anxiety and my child’s? Attachment relationships are more connected for regulation The value of presence The detriment of sponging emotion Tip #1 – adults can bring the emotions to consciousness for kids Notice and name the emotion in the room Also helps us differentiate between my emotion and someone else Ti…

How do I help my loved one when they are sad? Differences in sadness and sorrow definition relationship to distress and emotion regulation Elevated, heavy feelings – sadness, guilt, remorse/regret, powerlessness - Time oriented, long suffering, pain taking time - Death, change, trauma, heartbreak, injustice, loss, disappointment, bad luck, trouble …

Listener question: How do I have a conversation with someone I disagree with when I feel passionately about something? Annoyed, accosted, attacked, or acknowledgment – honoring people’s passions while setting our own boundaries Tip 1 – root around your belief systems and consider how it impacts people Tip 2 – use words to state our emotions as well…

Listener question: How do I have both empathy and boundaries? Article on empathy and boundaries at heidigoehmann.com - https://heidigoehmann.com/articles/the-savior-complex-empathy-without-boundaries The difference between “hey, hold my emotions” and “withness” Cognitive empathy: Do they need us to see their perspective? Listen and ask questions ab…

How do I get more pleasure in my life and relationships? Getting past the word pleasure - Culture and church cringy word, kind of awkward, vaguely sexual Pleasure definition = enjoyment, satisfaction 1 - Look for pleasure to be relationship focused 2 - ask deeper questions about pleasure 3 - pleasure in balance with other emotions 4 - noticing skil…

Welcome back! The Life in Relationship Podcast answers one relationship question in each episode. We are looking forward to sharing Season 6 with you. This season we are answering relationship questions all about Emotions to celebrate Heidi's book release of Emotions & the Gospel: Created for Connection. Emotions covered include: pleasure, anxiety,…

Topic: Topic: How do you break up well?How do I know it’s healthy to start dating again after a divorce or breakup? The weightiness of breakups Reminding us of our need as humans for intimacy There are ways to do break ups “better”, but no way to do it “easy” Keep it classy, kind, and clear Break ups are in a moment, but the work of a break up is l…

How do partners take care of each other when they have a baby? 1 – Learn together, about baby and each other What are your unique challenges? Gender role complications Awareness of shifts and changes with each baby Embrace flexible curiosity Make space and room for letting the baggage come out 2 – hold the good and bad together for and with another…

Topic: Where do I turn if I’m wrestling with my faith? Intro: special guest Tanner Olson, Written to Speak, the poetry master Wrestling can be scary, but healthy Can feel like a journey, a battle, a dessert, normalcy, mediocrity Common Questions: Is God still who He says He is? Is God still close to me? Validating your questions and feelings goes a…

Topic: How do I talk to someone I love who is struggling with their mental health? Intro: Changing stigma towards mental health Step 1 - changing our beliefs Step 2 - changing our actions related to beliefs 2019 APA survey: https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2019/05/mental-health-survey What is my relationship with this person? (4:30) Relation…

Topic: How does a family adjust to someone becoming an adult? Developmental realities, independence and angst The reality of Young Adulthood – How do I access independence? A Story: getting your first cold and/or changing your major in college Tip 1 – Celebrate small things of young adulthood baby steps reminds us we are capable telling each other …

Question: How do we split up “the chores” of a household? For marriage, roommates, families, etc. Dave & Heidi housekeeping love story Gottman research, wives find spouse doing housework erotic Link: https://www.gottman.com/blog/4-typical-solvable-problems-relationships/ do what works, not what is expected Identifying expectations from other places…

Question: How do we come to terms with the closure of a childhood friendship? What are ways to find contentment and peace when that friend no longer reaches out to us? Submitted by listener, Emily our childhood BFFs Research moment: 1 in 10 friendships survive into adulthood Children practice being a friend and there’s a learning curve. Children ar…

The Life in Relationship podcast answers one relationship question in each episode. Our goal is more genuineness and authenticity in each of our relationships each day. Hear more about the new format on this short trailer and start submitting your questions to lifeinrelationshippodcast@gmail.com. People are always worth the trouble and relationship…

The epistles are what I like to think of as “big-word books.” They teach us about abstract concepts like propitiation, redemption, atonement, and righteousness. This can be intimidating, but also enlightening. Today’s spiritual practice gives us grace for when we encounter big words in Scripture or big ideas. Our goal today is to also build our abi…

Always Growing: The Spiritual Practice of Adventure Practices for spiritual growth – always focusing on drawing near Greg Finke = Where are we going today, Jesus? Joining Jesus on His mission - https://amzn.to/3u5JAcb God wants to do daily life with us – Name 3 places you go in your day or week that God goes with you Life is an adventure – Seeing t…

Episode 16 – Always Growing: Practices for Spiritual Growth being with God v. producing something for God We can be doing all kinds of things for God, but very little to draw near to God. Today and to come: four practices for drawing near useful every day and especially useful for connecting to God in and around our challenges Thanks to CPH for let…

Special guest: Rev. Michael Newman Tell us about yourself and your journey with grief. What aspects of grief make growth challenging? “big” and “small” loses Grief upon grief + grace upon grace Lack of cultural methods for honoring grief shame/disempowerment in loss and grief Relational resources designed to be shared Hope When Your Heart Breaks do…

The research: 2017 – 3 part research project – confirmands, young adults (2000+), focus groups YA Relationships Count available for free - https://www.cph.org/p-34106-relationships-count-engaging-retaining-millennials-ebook-edition.aspx Other research available: Fuller Youth Institute Sticky Faith Research https://fulleryouthinstitute.org/stickyfai…

with guest Heather Ruesch Focus: We grow best not in meeting with God occasionally or even regularly, but in God’s presence in our life always. When was a moment you had the sense of the presence of God’s Spirit? God invites us to know His Spirit. Psalm 139:7 What places in your life do you find it’s easy to forget that God is present with you? God…

with guest Heather Ruesch Focus: We grow not just in knowledge of God, but when we remember who God is and what He’s done for us. Which are you more comfortable with in your relationship with God: knowledge or experiences? God is omniscient. Psalm 139:4 Where do you see the evidence that God knows us wholly or altogether? God is interested. God see…

Special guest: Darcy Paape, director of the Women’s Leadership Institute at Concordia University Wisconsin and author of Someone to Walk With What is mentoring? Intentional Organic Being willing to share both strengths and weaknesses Creating relationships and creating spaces What is the person looking for? Examples: Affirmation? Coaching? Evaluati…

What playgrounds do you remember being in your life as a kid? Purpose of playgrounds Purpose of Being Being + doing is the goal, holding both together God’s relationship to being Examples in Scripture Colossians 3:23-24 Colossians 3:17 God’s relationship to doing Examples of Scripture Mary and Martha in all of our lives In what ways are you being w…

Sense of worth = an internal awareness that as created creatures of God we have value How does God’s delight in us inform our sense of worth? Concept of mutual delight, God to us and us to God Struggle with worth - Delight is not determined by what I do. Seeing our worth based on our relationships with people Worth based on what we do or my perform…

Episode 7 – The Truth about Mental Health: Hope Special guest: Tanner Olson, aka Written to Speak Get to know Tanner Why is hope so important for our mental health and for our relationships? Hope changes the narrative Hope as the bridge between mental health and our relationships The power of sharing narrative Sharing hope on the internet Hope with…

With Special Guest, Sue Steege Director of Christian Education, transformation and discipleship ministry focus Goal – making it safe and doable for parents to be faith growers Moving from Wow to Win How can I set up a win for a parent to transmit the faith? How can I set up a safe way for parents to feel successful in sharing their faith? What oppo…

Did you have a stuffed animal or a “lovie” growing up? What was your relationship to the lovie? What do stuffed animals do for kids? What can stuffed animals teach us about Jesus? Comfort – a physical reminder of the abstract comfort we need as kids a sense of power and agency with something that is smaller than them Representation of the abstract,…

Marriage as a Process…Not a Product What kinds of things in life do you want instant fruit or instant rewards? What kinds of things would you like your spouse to just know about you? Read Ephesians 4:11-16. Where do you see truth and love alive throughout the timeline of your marriage? What does the process of healing or forgiveness look like in yo…

Special Guest: Matt Schuler, pastor and friend What is trust? Heidi’s definitions of trust: https://heidigoehmann.com/blog/always-growing-what-is-trust Designed for trust in God Proverbs 3:5-8 Trust impacted by brokenness Psalm 28:7 Is God trustworthy? Cultural norms Boundaries and trust Dare to Lead elements of trust - https://amzn.to/3kH7bf5 (aff…

12 Days of Physical Touch What are the purposes of physical touch in marriage? What are the benefits of physical touch in marriage? How do physical touch and sexuality change in different stages of marriage? Name a time your partner comforted you with physical touch. What difference in capacities for physical touch do you and your spouse have, if a…

Special Guest: Justin Hanneman, PhD, LIMHP, pastor GracePoint Relational Health https://www.relationalhealth.org/ What is attachment? “secret sauce” Trust, sense of safety, and attachment from infancy to adulthood Sense of safety at the subconscious level Implicit memory + early relationships Definition of implicit memory = https://dictionary.apa.o…

Love and Respect Got to Do with It Article: https://blog.cph.org/read/everyday-faith/whats-love-and-respect-got-to-do-with-it Read Ephesians 4:32 and Ephesians 5:21. How do each verse impact the whole of how we understand love and respect within our marriages? How is respect important in a marriage? How is love important in a marriage? How do the t…

Why the First Year of Marriage is So Hard Article: https://blog.cph.org/read/family/first-year-marriage-stinkin-hard Radio spot: https://www.kfuo.org/2017/12/01/faf-120117-first-year-marriage-hard/ What memories do you have from your first year of marriage? Be sure to include at least one hard memory and one happy memory. What kinds of things do yo…

Treasuring Up in Marriage Read Luke 2:16-19 What kinds of things do you think Mary was pondering or treasuring up? What kinds of things in marriages, in general, are helpful to “treasure up”? What kinds of things can you treasure up in your own marriage? What moments are in the treasure store of your marriage? Wellness exercise: When you look acros…

What to Do When Your Spouse Gets on Your Nerves How do kindness and a sense of humor help when talking about difficult things or prickly things in marriage? Read Matthew 7:3-5. What kinds of things do you think are worth discussing and getting upset about in marriage and life, and what kinds of things are not? What is the difference between interna…

Love & Honor Your Mother-in-Law How does our culture represent mother-in-laws? Read Genesis 2:24-25. Brainstorm any relationships impacted by leaving and cleaving and what impacts you see in your own marriage. How can we care for one another in the family through the transition of leaving and cleaving? Wellness exercise: Name a few ways your own ma…

When Contempt Threatens Describe contempt in your own words. Which aspects of contempt stick out to you the most? What does respect do for a marriage? Consider the list of concrete ways contempt is given. Which of these strongly effect you, no matter where they are given? Read 2nd Samuel 6:16-23. What emotions are behind Michal’s contempt? Wellness…

Will You Fight for Me? What do you each remember most about your wedding? In what ways do you fight for one another in your marriage? How is forgiveness part of fighting for one another in marriage? How do you show each other you are fighting for one another? Wellness exercise: Make a list together of three things you value together in your marriag…

Three Places to Never Argue Questions: Where have you argued and it hasn’t gone well? When and how have you experienced struggles in arguing in any of the three places: Riding in the car In the bedroom (especially preparing for bed) In front of other adults What value is there in letting an argument rest a bit? Why is this hard at times? Wellness e…

A Marriage that Bends Questions: What magic answers are out there for marriage? What magic answers do you think people utilize to get to marriage growth? How can 1st Corinthians 8:1 inform our marriages? What things in the world attempt to “break” our marriage? Where is the comfort in knowing that God doesn’t break us or our marriage? How do you ge…

Why Repair Attempts Matter Questions: What topics of things poke at us and start a negative slide or cycle in arguments? How do you usually switch gears or change focuses when you are having an argument and need to relieve some pressure from the conversation? What repair attempts might you use intentionally? What repair attempts might you be using …

Grouchiness in Marriage Questions: What makes you grouchy? Especially in marriage, keeping a household, and family life? How does the law motivate in marriage, or does it? How does the gospel motivate more fully or better in marriage? What does the gospel look like when you’d like to see a change in your marriage? Wellness exercise: Identify one ch…

Who are Your Marriage Rockstars? Who do we look to in our culture(s) or as couples to tell us what marriage should look like or be like? Read John 6:67-68. Where does God tell us to go? What difference does the Word of God make in discerning what our marriages should look like? Who are your marriage rockstars? Wellness exercise: If you currently ha…

The Power of Pursuit What are your communications like on a day to day basis? What parts of the statement, “Pursuit is still necessary,” do you agree or disagree with? What benefits are there to still pursuing our spouse in marriage? Song of Songs 8:5-6 What gets in the way of sacrificially pursuing our spouse, both personally and for people in gen…

Always Growing...in Marriage Riding the Storms What storms of life come into people’s marriages? What kind of storms or changes have you experienced in your marriage? Matthew 8:24-25 How can we remind one another we are in it together? Wellness exercise: Practice praying together once a day, holding hands, for 5 days straight. YouTube video link: h…

The Marriage Sandwich What might your marriage sandwich check-ins look like? What rituals of connection do you already have? How does your stage of life impact your ability to connect and check in with one another? How do you ease the transitions in your days? Wellness exercise: Consider times you have connected well and other times you have not co…

Marriage and the Fallen World How does the culture around you view people? How do you think those cultural views impact marriages, your own and others? In other worlds, why does the fallen world matter in marriage? John 1:16 What opportunity do you see in recognizing the fallenness in your own marriage? Where do you see grace alive in your marriage…

Same and Different What is the same about the two of you? What is different about the two of you? Ephesians 2:10 What are the tattoo discussions in your marriage? How can do we grow by talking things out and how do we grow by letting something go for a time? Wellness exercise: Celebrate your sameness and your differences together today in some way.…