Twas the Night Before Gainsmas

Side Quest Podcast

Twas the night before Gainsmas, when all through the gym

Bulkers were crushing supersets, as the lights went dim

Their reps must be finished, no set went undone

Because gains must be made before the next summer’s sun

Dreams of massive shoulders and quads that rip seams

Are all nestled deep in the coldest winter dreams

The mirror reflects our amazing mystique

Our eyes soak up the glory of our god-like physique

You spend Sunday morning in the kitchen making clatter

Chicken, rice, sweet potatoes, you are the nutrition master

All nestled in Tupperware to be ready in a flash

For you consume it all, nothing goes in the trash

Your mood becomes somber as the winter descends

Seasonal moods change when the warm summer ends

Your mind will crave carbs on the long winter’s night

Serotonin will flow and keep you sleeping tight

Rested and ready you’ll turn up the volume

Carving out muscles like a modern day golem

Your chest, back, and shoulders often will swell

And trust me your legs will feel hotter than hell

The DOMS are the price that you pay for your gains

But it’s worth it when you see your arm popping veins

When you get home, you’ll stuff your fat face

With all of the goodies you normally disgrace

Here you can find one small, but huge problem

Stuffing your face forces your belly to blossom

By Valentine’s Day your pants no longer fit

Your body fat’s too high, so the bulk you must quit

The winter bulk goal isn’t to be chubby and plump

It’s about gaining muscle and enjoying the pump

So rep out those curls and bench press away

But please listen to these last words I say

Continue tracking the foods that you eat

And don’t consider booze as an okay way to cheat

When the winter blues make you feel less than great

Be careful of carbs and the junk you masticate

Bulking is fun, it’s the best I dare say

But beware the fulk, it’ll leave you in dismay

Curl, bench, and crush every set

But don’t go crazy and add fat you’ll regret

Here is my toast for this winter’s bulk

May you have fun and turn into the Hulk

And when Spring returns, you too can exclaim

This winter I added loads of muscle to my frame