Dr. Carla Marie Manly public
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Imperfect Love

Dr. Carla Marie Manly

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The messy road of life is difficult to navigate alone, and it’s often tough to figure out the next best step. Hosted by psychologist and author Dr. Carla Marie Manly, the Imperfect Love podcast sheds light on the complicated, sensitive problems that affect us all. Dr. Carla responds to listeners’ real-life questions with a mindfulness-based approach. She delivers quality, nourishing advice on finding love and happiness by learning to embrace life's imperfections. In supportive conversations ...
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Love. Addiction. Sobriety. Trauma. Death. Grief. Each of these six seemingly simple words holds vast meaning and power, yet – when absorbed collectively – they pack a powerful punch that can bring us to our knees. Most of us have loved someone – or have been that someone – who has struggled with addiction. And some of us have felt that shattering p…
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We often crave to be loved perfectly, yet human love is naturally imperfect. And while it's normal for us to unintentionally let each other down now and again, actions of betrayal are in a different category altogether. When those we count on most betray us, the body, mind, and spirit are deeply traumatized. The etymology of the word "betrayal" tak…
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We often believe that if we try harder and harder to be the perfect partner, parent, friend, or employee, we will somehow create a trouble-free life and gain the love, safety, and respect we crave. Yet when we chronically strive for perfection, we tend to create more self-judgment, anxiety, and stress. Unfortunately, this toxic dynamic can foster a…
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Gaslighting. It's an increasingly common term that dates back to a 1938 British Play, Gas Light, and subsequent movies focused on the power of manipulation in relationships. In the original play, a manipulative husband makes his wife feel as if she's going insane by telling her that perceptions are inaccurate when she notices that the house lights …
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Anxiety has a way of weaving itself into our bodies, brains, and lives. Struggles with anxiety often begin in childhood and, by adulthood, can become firmly entrenched in our lives. With many mental health issues on the rise--from anxiety, depression, and chronic stress to suicide--it's time to pause to find actionable strategies to help us diminis…
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Secrets. Lies. Truth. Confessions. We often learn to hide parts of who we are--including the mistakes we've made along the way. Yet, I've found that keeping secrets--the dark, shamed-filled ones--can lead to depression, anxiety, and the tendency to be untrue to the self and others. One lie, even a small one, can lead to a web of lies that makes tel…
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It can be easy to fall into indifference, hopelessness, or despair when we're met with roadblocks over and over again. Yet I've found that--even in those low spots when we feel as if we'll never bring our dreams to life--the shining lights of hope and faith can help us move forward toward the goals that bring us greater love and purpose. Is it poss…
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Trauma. PTSD. Complex-PTSD. Abuse. These seemingly simple words can hold a great deal of meaning, pain, and nearly inescapable charge. Although the significance of these terms can be diluted by misuse, there's nothing "light" or unimportant about the profound, lasting effects of physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, and other expe…
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PTSD and children—it’s a critical topic. PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) is increasingly common in our challenging world, and while it’s often difficult to recognize PTSD in adults, it can be even more challenging to determine when a child has PTSD. In fact, there was a time when experts believed children couldn’t develop PTSD. Fortunately, w…
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Every day, millions of women struggle in their new (or existing) roles as mothers. No matter how much a woman desires to be a mother, the journey of motherhood can be scary and challenging. Motherhood is inherently imperfect, yet we often feel as if we should be perfect mothers who can “do it all.” In reality, the drain of striving for perfection—a…
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Motherhood is wonderful, yet, as any mom can tell you, it’s not always sunshine, roses, and smiles. From the challenges of physiological changes, self-doubt, and anxiety to the bright joys of cuddle time and first steps, being a mom can be—all at once—scary, stressful, and full of delight. When we add issues such as prenatal depression, postpartum …
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Tired of endless chaos? Stressed? Overwhelmed? Burnt out? Exhausted? If you're nodding along, you're likely feeling the effects of the hustle culture. The cure for healthy boundaries and mindful self-care is here! We often expect ourselves to be it all and do it all perfectly--and without complaint or sign of exhaustion. Yet the price we pay for a …
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Manipulators and predators are everywhere! Unfortunately, most of us have found ourselves in the hands of a manipulator at least once in our lives. We often feel guilty and ashamed, telling ourselves we should have known better. Yet manipulators—especially those who are truly experts at their craft—can be exceedingly difficult to detect. Yet you ca…
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We often believe that shaming messages don't affect us, but from my experience, the effects of shamed-based culture or upbringing can be exceedingly harmful. Whether shaming messages are implicit or explicit, they can result in the internalization of negative self-messages that lead to feelings of unworthiness, chronic guilt, depression, and anxiet…
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LOVE is the greatest gift we are ever given. It brings us purpose, joy, connection, and life itself. Yet because we love, we also open ourselves up to the immense pain that comes with loss. Indeed, I believe that the greater our love, the more intense our pain during the loss and grieving process. And although love lives inside us and around us eve…
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We want to believe that love will last forever, and perhaps it does. Yet, as imperfect humans, we sometimes let down others—and even ourselves—in ways that sever the trust that is so necessary for lasting, healthy relationships. When we experience the deep pain of betrayal, which can cause immense psychological damage, it can be tough to grieve, he…
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Eco-anxiety is on the rise. We see and feel the effects of climate change at every turn. From natural disasters to increasingly unpredictable weather cycles, we can no longer avoid noticing humanity's impact on the planet. It's easy to slip into feeling anxious, helpless, and hopeless—plus riddled with grief—yet it's never too late to increase our …
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Real love takes work! It's easy to believe that healthy relationships should "just happen." Our happily-ever-after fairy tales perpetuate the myth that love relationships should be both easy and perfect. Yet even in fairytales, the main characters encounter incredible challenges that test their resilience, commitment, and fortitude. Could it be tha…
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Imposter syndrome haunts many of us. For those who suffer from this self-defeating dynamic, I've found that feelings of being an imposter stay entrenched even when others offer heartfelt validation. The persistent fear of not being enough, which often begins in early childhood, can lead to chronic feelings of self-doubt and incompetence that overri…
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Feeling stressed and powerless in today's chaotic world? At every turn, we are faced with important concerns: political turmoil, global warming, environmental disasters, wars, pollution, human rights, and skyrocketing mental health issues. We struggle with broken healthcare, education, financial, and housing systems—plus so much more. The challenge…
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Are your eating habits bringing you down? We often believe that what we eat has little, if any, impact on our psychological health. Especially when we are stressed or exhausted, it's all too easy to slide into unhealthy habits such as eating on the run, binging on sweets, or gobbling up carbs and comfort foods. Unfortunately, when poor eating habit…
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Looking for an antidote to stress? If you feel constantly out of balance, anxious, or stressed, you're not alone. When life feels challenging or unhealed trauma gets triggered, it's easy to become dysregulated and spiral downward. This negative cycle hurts us physically, mentally, and emotionally. Although we often can't control what life brings ou…
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We are often expected to stay happy—to be cheery and upbeat no matter what is going on in our lives. As a result of this unreasonable expectation, many people believe that they are failing if they don't feel happy 24/7. Yet, in real life, lasting happiness—what I term joy—lets go of impossible standards and makes space for all of our emotions and a…
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Are you a prisoner of your past? Is it possible to access your inner child to heal the wounds that keep you stuck? Can intergenerational patterns of violence and pain be shifted? Absolutely! Although some believe that we leave childhood issues behind as we enter adulthood, I've found that our negative childhood experiences—including wounds, trauma,…
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The pressure to look perfect--and be perfect--is exhausting and expensive on many levels. In the quest to live up to impossibly high beauty standards, we often squander an incredible amount of time, mental energy, and financial resources. I've found that our mental and physical health pay a huge price when we feel judged, rejected, and shamed if we…
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We often have scripts running in our heads that tell us we should be more, do more, and obtain more. These inner narratives work against us, feeding anxiety, fear, and self-doubt. The impossible ideal of perfection is fed by society as well as those who can capitalize on our insecurities. It's no wonder we suffer from anxiety, depression, and low s…
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If you're a sensitive person, you may have been told that you are the problem—that if only you weren't "so sensitive," everything would be okay. You might have heard all too often that you should just "toughen up." Yet sensitivity—when respected and valued—can be a most wondrous superpower. We live in an often-insensitive world that is hyper-focuse…
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Body image. Food. Perfectionism. The relationships we have with our bodies and the food we eat are shaped by factors such as childhood environments and societal messaging. Throughout life, the conscious and unconscious choices we make around food have the power to impact us mentally, emotionally, and physically. When we pause to notice the negative…
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Manifesting! This singular word is magical to some and cringe-worthy to others. Yet, when manifesting is mindfully embraced, it can become a powerful tool for everyone. When we think of manifesting, ideas of the supernatural might come to mind, but true manifesting simply involves harnessing the power of your own mindset, heart, and soul. As we lea…
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People-pleasing tendencies tend to begin in early childhood and often stem from insecure attachment. From childhood forward, we often learn to please others to obtain love, avoid conflict, and feel safe. Yet when we compromise our values and needs in order to please others, we lose touch with our inner selves and often pay the price through ongoing…
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Balancing family, marriage, work, and at least a touch of self-care isn't easy. Sometimes, the harder we strive to get it all done perfectly, the more life seems to unravel. Could the secret to finding balance be a blend of loving kindness, a positive mindset, and letting go of the desperate quest for perfection? Books by Dr. Carla Manly: Date Smar…
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Healthy friendships are food for the soul. Indeed, the best relationships are rooted in mutual kindness, honesty, and respect. With loneliness at epidemic levels, it's all the more important for us to know how to cultivate loving, healthy friendships. We often think that great friendships "just happen," but, like every truly wonderful relationship,…
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Neurodiversity—the idea that each person experiences and interacts with the world around them in different ways—is a truly empowering concept. When we remove labels that promote a view of the self or others that is deficit-focused and embrace a strength-based approach, we reduce bias and judgment while promoting acceptance and forward momentum. I'v…
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The power of sisterhood can be amazing despite—and sometimes because of—the imperfections each person brings to the relationship. When sisters unite in heart, soul, and energy, true magic can happen. And, as soul sisters know, sisterhood doesn't require biological connection to take root—it just requires loads of imperfect love. Books by Dr. Carla …
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From the norms that push people-pleasing behaviors to the influences of patriarchal households, it's easy to end up feeling small and boundaryless. In our natural quest to feel loved, accepted, and safe, we often never discover how to create and use healthy boundaries. The resulting lack of empowerment can prevent us from knowing and becoming our f…
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Looking for ways to create equality and balance at home? It’s exhausting when household responsibilities aren’t divvied up fairly. Even in today’s world, women often handle more household and childrearing duties than their partners—even when they’re also working full time. Research consistently shows that a balance in family duties—and in a relatio…
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We often believe that families are based on shared genes—that biology itself creates family. Yet in my professional and personal experience, I've surely found that the healthiest of families are based not on genetics but on deep love and connection. Through this lens, we can appreciate that children who are adopted can be embraced as part of a fami…
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Discover your power, joy, and purpose! If we let others’ expectations dictate our lives, we run the risk of never discovering our true purpose. When we don’t pause to explore our true selves, we can feel stuck and half-alive. Yet the answers to some of our deepest fears and yearnings lie just inside the quiet of the soul. There is immense power and…
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Anxiety. It's a powerful force that can take hold of us and control every aspect of our lives. Anxiety, which is a form of fear, can be very sneaky. It often surfaces slowly, and before we know it, we feel anxious as we wake up and throughout the day. We often go to sleep feeling anxious and even experience heavy anxiety in our dreams. As the world…
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Love. Music. Passion. Creative Genius. Chronic Depression. Success. Those who live with chronic depression are often deeply misunderstood. Recent research shows that nearly 1 in 5 of those 18 and older in the U.S. have reported suffering from depression. Although we’re making strides in the destigmatization of mental health issues, silent struggles…
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We often have secret dreams that we want to pursue but are fearful taking the next step. All too often, we find ourselves on a path in life that others chose for us--or that we accepted by default. In our desire to gain approval, acceptance, and love, we sometimes do what is "right" for others but not for ourselves. In this process, we get stuck an…
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Discover the Joy Factor! Boost your mental health and improve your resilience through the practice of summoning joy. The negativity bias—the natural, protective tendency for a bad experience to take more of our attention than good or neutral experiences—prevents us from learning from and embracing our positive experiences. We can learn to create a …
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Parenting is challenging, and as hard as we try to avoid making mistakes, we muck it up sometimes. Even when our hearts are in the right place, it’s tough to be a parent sometimes. The huge challenges in today’s busy world can bring a layer of chaos and confusion into the happiest of homes. If you feel stressed, overwhelmed, or downright hopeless a…
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Toxic positivity can erode our mental, emotional, and physical health. When we feel forced to appear happy, even when we're exhausted, sad, or crumbling inside--the consequences can be devastating. In a world where perfectly curated images constantly tell us that we should be happy, upbeat, and smiling despite life's natural ups and downs, it's imp…
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It's easy to get out of balance. All too often we get stuck in a cycle of giving too much to work, family, and necessary tasks with no true way to relax, rejuvenate, and enjoy ourselves. Dr. Carla and creativity expert Dr. Vanessa S. O'Neal dive into the joy and balance that await us when we embrace our innate creative energy. The joy of creativity…
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Sex and sexual intimacy can bring couples together or tear them apart. Our sex lives are rarely perfect, but, as imperfect humans, we often feel anxious about discussing this important aspect of our romantic lives. With loving candor and empathy, Dr. Carla dives right into the heart of why sexual intimacy issues arise and how you can resolve them w…
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Afraid of failure? Tired of not getting it "right"? The idea of failure looms dark and large in our heads and hearts. We tend to avoid failure at any cost--even when our fear of failure keeps us stuck and unfulfilled. What if failure could be turned upside down or inside out to become a positive rather than a negative? What if failure--as part of b…
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Narcissists! Given the masks they wear, you often can't spot a narcissist until you're knee-deep in the relationship. Sadly, a relationship with a true narcissist can be extremely toxic and challenging. Those who suffer from narcissist personality disorder (NPD) are secretly terrified of engaging in emotionally connected relationships. Although oft…
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If you're suffering from anxiety, panic attacks, or obsessive thoughts, you're not alone! Anxiety can get the better of us and lead to downward spirals in mental, emotional, and physical health. In today's often stressful world, anxiety-related disorders are on the rise, leaving many people feeling overwhelmed and out of control. Dr. David Hanscom,…
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Betrayal takes many forms, but all of them can be exceedingly painful. Sadly, we are sometimes betrayed by the very people we count on most to love us, protect us, and care for us. As difficult as it is to bear any type of betrayal, infidelity by a partner can be the most devastating of all. Whether a partner has engaged in a sexual affair, emotion…
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