Lean Into Your Faith, Face Your Fears

Grief Unplugged®

Hello & welcome to the Grief Unplugged podcast. I am your host, Heather D. Horton. Grief Unplugged is a podcast that frees professional women from the blockages of grief to find purpose in their pain. Our last episode focused on giving yourself permission to grieve. But how does one maintain momentum after giving yourself permission to grieve?

One of the first steps is by leaning into your faith and facing your fear. Fear and faith cannot live in the same house. One of the powerful principles that I received during my training with Coach Diversity Institute states – We receive only as much as our faith will allow (REPEAT). Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see according to Hebrews 11:1 (NIV). Whatever your faith, belief is a powerful tool. Faith in the process, even in yourself, is powerful and important. For me, faith is everything; it is my foundation. In 2005, my faith and what I believed in was tested to the utmost.

On May 17, 2005, I was involved in a single-car accident that claimed the life of my mother one day after the accident and my aunt two weeks later when a relative fell asleep at the wheel while driving long distance. My injuries were quite severe but not life-threatening – fractured neck, fractured thumb, cuts, bruises, and abrasions. For weeks after the accident and the funeral, I kept asking God why am I here, why didn’t I die in the accident, how am I supposed to live without my mother, my best friend.

One day I was reading my devotional as I did most days after the accident to try and make sense of things, and the scripture of the day gave me a reason to keep living. It was John 16:33 – I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. I begin to recall other scriptures that I constantly used to ground myself throughout my life – No weapon formed against me shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17); I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4:13), God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7); For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11);

All things work together for the good of them that love the Lord, that are called according to His purpose. That last verse, Romans 8:28, was, in fact, the exact scripture that my mother’s pastor spoke from when delivering her eulogy. What I began to realize as I focused on all of these verses was that the accident that I experienced was all God-orchestrated and that He had prepared me to go through if I was able to stand firm in my faith.

I want you to think about the last time you experienced trauma/loss, and I guarantee you if you look back six months, one year, two years, there were clear instances of things that happened that you now realize, oh that’s why that happened. God was preparing you for whatever you went through, or He prepared you for whatever you are going through or for whatever you are about to go through. God prepared me for the trauma I experienced in May 2005 and even when I survived Hurricane Katrina in August 2005, three months later. I had a lot of time to think while I recovered from my injuries.

When I looked back on my life experiences six months, one year, two years before, I could see clear instances of things that happened where I could say I didn’t understand it then, but now I understand why that happened. God was preparing me to live without my mother when after my unexpected surgery in 2004, my dad, not my mother, spent two weeks with me in DC helping me to recover. That had never happened before. Another God-orchestrated move occurred when I received a firm job offer in New Orleans when I was pursuing opportunities to work in DC after graduating from GULC with my LLM in Tax. What I didn’t know but came to realize later was that job in New Orleans gave me the opportunity to spend the last year of my mother’s life near her instead of being long distance. We saw each other almost every weekend during that time.

Because of these and many more God-orchestrated experiences, I chose to live that day. Knowing that my faith in God had prepared me to handle the trauma/loss that I experienced in 2005, that his plans were not to harm me, but to prepare me for my future, for such a time as this, healing began, and I could face my fear.

Fear is one of the many faces of grief and also one of the pitfalls of grief. Because we are dealing with new or unfamiliar territory after we experience trauma/loss, fear can cause anxiety and stress (another pitfall of grief) that keeps us stuck if not acknowledged. If not dealt with, fear can paralyze you. Let me remind you that fear and faith cannot live in the same house and you must choose one or the other. What is the purpose of fear? For some it is survival, protection, it is what drives us.

Fear gives us the excuse not to be powerful, to do something different. But on the on the other side of fear is freedom – one of the power principles I received from CDI. When I let go of my fear after experiencing trauma I was able to experience freedom – I was able to take off my mask that I didn’t even know I was wearing. I didn’t feel safe to be my true self. On the outside, I projected one persona to the world after my accident. On the inside, lived my pain, my flaws and my shame of what happened. Once I healed physically, I wanted to forget that 2005 ever happened. I refused to share my experience with the world because I thought my suffering was all about me. I actually tried to hide my scars and fly under the radar. I thought sharing would expose me to the world in a way that would leave me open and vulnerable. However, my experiences while training with Coach Diversity Institute re-opened my wounds and showed me that I am the cure to someone else’s cancer. I can save a life with my story.

I suffered trauma/loss but now I have found my purpose to restore hope and change mindsets globally, one person at a time. I now help individuals in diverse communities release their hurt, shame and pain after suffering any type of loss. What if you were able to develop a different relationship with fear? What if you embraced fear as fuel that could lead to your greatest transformation or your greatest moment in life? What if fear only showed up for no other purpose but for you to notice it? How would you react to fear differently?

The author of the book Return to Love, Marianne Williamson said it best – “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the Glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I want to thank you for listening to this episode. I hope you will join us for our next episode of the Grief Unplugged podcast. To stay engaged with the podcast or learn more about my products and services, access my website at www.heatherdhorton.com. Also, please subscribe to the podcast so you know when the next episode is available and feel free to post a review, let me know what topics you want to hear discussed and share the podcast with your tribe. Until next time, keep moving forward.