GYLTG 143: How to Validate Someone's Experience - Mini Mindset Reset

Get Your Life Together, Girl

Terri Rynne wrote in and said, “Danielle, my eighteen-year-old daughter, is experiencing many of life’s ups and downs right now. After 22 years of marriage to her father, I left because the union no longer supported my needs and wants. She has also experienced a breakup with a long-term friendship, and my father passed away during all of this. She was extremely close to him, and all three events occurring when she is trying to establish herself as a young adult have been more than she can handle. While I’ve tried to help her navigate these experiences, I’ve realized I don’t have much emotional intelligence. To use your words, I’ve deep-dived into everything you’ve written about emotional intelligence, but I was hoping you could help me use all I’ve learned to deepen our conversations and validate her experience. It’s not helpful for me to simply say, “I understand.” She feels like I’m not acknowledging her feelings or experiences. Thanks for all you do! Without you, I know many of us would be lost, me included.”

First, we must be active listeners.

Next, allow empathy to be your guide and help identify their feelings.

If necessary, ask additional questions.

Build trust by reflecting back what has been offered.

Now, this is another a-ha moment for you. Most of us try to validate other people’s experiences by sharing our experiences. But, depending on the moment, this can be taken as self-centered or as if there is a lack of genuine care if you are only speaking about yourself. Ask for permission to offer your experience.

From there, help get to a solution, not a resolution.

Lastly, if you feel that the discussion is about to be completed, check how the person feels. Ask whether they would like to discuss more before moving on.

Avoid invalidating sentences:

• “Don’t be so sensitive!”
• “You shouldn’t feel that way.”
• “I think you’re overreacting.”
• “You’re making a big number out of nothing.”
• “The situation could be much worse.”
• “Don’t think about it; just move on.”
• “Crying doesn’t solve anything.”
• “I would have done everything differently if I was you.”
• “You’re the only one who feels that way.”
• “There’s no reason to worry about that.”
• “Get over it.”
• “Why is there always drama with you?”

Thank you Terri for the question. I hope this helps you and others elevate your relationships and your emotional intelligence.

Love this mini reset and want to keep the inspiration and conversation going? Send your request to [e-mail]. Join the 18.3 K members on Instagram, Facebook, and Tik Tok who are engaging in their own life revolution daily. Like this show? Please leave us a review here – even one sentence helps! Also, please post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally! Sign up for the Get Your Life Together, Girl Insider Email here!

Still looking for more? Visit: www.getyourlifetogethergirl.com and the Get Your Life Together, Girl personal development blog. If you are interested in learning more about your emotions, you don’t want to miss the NEW You Are Only as Strong as Your Weakest Emotion downloadable journal! Podcast listeners receive a 50% discount off their purchase. Click here to check it out!

Join THE GET YOUR LIFE TOGETHER, GIRL COMMUNITY. Sign up for the NEW GET YOUR LIFE TOGETHER, GIRL WOMEN’S CIRCLE MEMBERSHIP! CHECK OUT www.getyourlifetogethergirl.com/womens-circle for more information.