Best CPTSD, Intergenerational PTSD, Relational Trauma

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BONUS Entering Yer HAUNTED self 👻 Choose your own spookventure begins! 7:49

34m ago7:49

7:49

We're doing something extra 💀 It's a halloween, election, and holiday season special! 💀 Today we begin exploring our abandoned selves and exorcising awaiting demons. What's in store when we reconnect with our lives? Stress, the big negative feels, constant disassociation attempts, horrifying memories of self, tense misalignments between beliefs and…

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4.10 Reconnecting with your haunted self 52:41

1h ago52:41

52:41

Being with you... isn't an innate skill after trauma. And yet, we must, or we'll never recover. Take this long treat of an episode to start practicing your self-work. video version! (free!) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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4.9 Obstacles to Actual self-Love After Trauma 27:25

1M ago27:25

27:25

The filthiest words: love yourself. 🤮 Why does trauma create barriers between us and... not hating us? Talkin' lost relationships, criteria for love, loss of self, and the endless self scrutiny created by post-traumatic judgments. It's a BIG EPISODE with some BIG ANNOUNCEMENTS - grab your pepto and let's talk about "self-love-y." WATCH IT HERE Host…

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4.8 Self Compassion; the Daily Battle for Recovery 26:24

2M ago26:24

26:24

Education and Responsibility are important for t-recovery... But progress peters when self-punishment predominates. Without self-compassion, regression becomes reality. Let's talk about the requirement for self-compassion and 5 ways to do it. video! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.…

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4.7 Major Image-Distorting self-Defenses [Splitting and Projective Identification] 23:33

3M ago23:33

23:33

When life serves conflictual and confusing information, our brains simplify it to survive... and fuck us over in the long-run. Let's talk about the "ALL GOOD" and "ALL BAD" self-defense mechanisms of Splitting and Projective Identification, what function they serve as children & adults, and how they create shitass trauma-bound lives down the line. …

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4.6. Acting out, Help-rejecting complaining, and Passive Aggression; The (most) Immature Defenses 27:18

4M ago27:18

27:18

Ready to learn about the maladaptive tendencies of your most difficult relational partners? When we don't believe we're "entitled" to a need or emotion, we vent it into (unwise) action. Let's discuss the immature cognitive patterns we/others may still be utilizing to keep our brains "safe." We'll cover the lowest level self-defense mechanisms: Acti…

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4.5 Narcs, Defense Mechanisms, & (non)Recovery: Intellectualizing, Rationalizing, and Reactionary Decision Making 27:54

5M ago27:54

27:54

We've learned that narcs don't generally recover because of their "creative narration" abilities. Now, let's talk about some of the ways they spin those stories. Today, we start our examination of self-defense mechanisms by looking at the purposes of Intellectualization and Rationalization. Then, we ask the question: SO HOW SMART ARE THEY? And disc…

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4.4. Pathological Structuring of Narcissists (Or, No Integrity without Integration) 22:33

7M ago22:33

22:33

They'll shake your hand while pissing on your leg, plead and then pulverize promises, and generally give the sense that they're one hundred people who share a face. But why? Let's talk about narcissist personality structuring that ranges from neurotic to psychopathic, but never hits the mark of "maturity." Meanwhile, creating the condition I've tit…

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4.3. Healing with "Adaptive Narcissism" and Uniqueness | Leveraging Stigma for Permissive self-Healing 40:57

7M ago40:57

40:57

"Just feel good about your authentic self and don't let anyone wreck your recognition of specialness." Right. Let's talk about what may be holding us back from achieving this safe, centered, self-supportive, resilience-boosting psychological station, and the easiest way to achieve the "healthy self" that's never been otherwise defined. Adaptive Nar…

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4.2. Filial Obligation Narratives, Ambivalence, Perception, and Guilt 24:33

9M ago24:33

24:33

Why is the decision to sacrifice or save our brains so difficult to make? Let's talk about subconscious narratives we probably all carry, the ambivalence-guilt connection, and the power of perception on caregiving burden. Find the transcript at t-mfrs.com Looking for the 9 full episodes on this topic? Hit up the Filial Obligation Collection on patr…

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4.1. Making of a Vulnerable Narcissist 19:31

9M ago19:31

19:31

A big 'nouncement; so long TMFRS! Then let's talk about what constitutes a VulNarc versus "a person with CPTSD." Where does the chronic manipulation come from? How are recovery resources used for trauma-unhealing? What's up with the hostility and antagonism? . Lots to cover in this mashup of "time, space, and energy" meets "VulNarcs" and "trauma-se…

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3.12b. Sex on Parts and Survival Programs 24:36

11M ago24:36

24:36

This year we spoke about Intimacy. Now it's time to confront *Intimacy.* Let's look at the discrepant programs that live inside of us, gathered across a lifetime of adaptation to extreme events and unhealthy narratives. We're talking Sexual Healing vs. Internal Family Systems and deprived needs. Need this conversation more than you knew? Check out …

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3.12a. Transference, Projection, Monkey-barring, Displacement 21:08

11M ago21:08

21:08

We're tying up loose ends in our discussion of relationships! Today, discussing the cognitive copy-pastes we accidentally carry out between past and present relationships - and they ways they set us back in our recovery goals while creating abusive dynamics. Need more thoughts about transference in all its forms? I've got another hour of material a…

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Self-abandonment vs your best Spanksgiving 34:30

12M ago34:30

34:30

Let's cut the brainy shit, the real answer to surviving the holidays is not abandoning yourself. Need more holiday support? Don't we all. For all the other holiday freebies, just hit up patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. Search "holiday" to find releases from the past for no cost, or subscribe to access the pre-wrangled Holiday Survival Collecti…

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3.11. Ten Destructive Responses that Set Off Trauma Defenses 47:13

1y ago47:13

47:13

Back to NonViolent Communication! Here are 10 things the experts say destroy our attempts at vulnerable disclosures and requests. Just in time for the holidays, let's talk about why these conversational reactions burn our t-brains and why people are programmed to use them, anyways. For the full transcript and all the doods, check t-mfrs.com and get…

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3.10. Chronic deprivation, self-sabotage, psychosomatic illness, and abuse dynamics 32:00

1y ago32:00

32:00

We learn to neglect ourselves at an early age and then everything goes to hell forever after. Stuck in unfixable suffering, toiling away with ineffectual attempts to comfort ourselves, and possibly... destroying our own lives, in an attempt to end the self-deprivation through backdoor methods. Let's talk about needs and what happens when we learn t…

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3.9b Ending Deprivation and Rehabbing yer Brain with NonViolent Communication 27:21

1y ago27:21

27:21

"Depression is the reward we get for being good children." NVC helps yer relationships, sure. But it'll also rewire your t-brain trashhabits, emotional misunderstandings, and shit perspectives if you use it solo. Let's talk about the roots of the worst of us; our unmet needs and beliefs that deprivation = goodness. Which create vicious cycles of pr…

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3.9a NonViolent (Effective) Communication 36:18

1y ago36:18

36:18

Ever feel "unheard"? Well, here's the key to getting your point across and sparking collaboration rather than opposition. Today, we're talking about NonViolent Communication (NVC) - the 4 step framework for communicating effectively about emotions and unmet needs without stimulating defensive reactions or leaning on your own deeply ingrained contro…

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3.8b. Shitpologies (AKA non-apology apologies) 23:42

1y ago23:42

23:42

So, how do we apologize "the right way"... Rather than creating MORE damage through half-assed "I'm sorrys"? Today, let's talk about the 5 points for offering a real apology for sake of true relational healing... And four examples of how NOT to apologize, unless you actually want to make the emotional abandonment experience worse for your partner. …

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3.8a. The Key to Healing Relational Ruptures (and two people) 17:38

1y ago17:38

17:38

How DO we heal what's been broken? I've got a short phrase for you - it's what we've all needed to hear all along. And let's talk about the timeless wounds patched up by real apologies, as we prepare to talk about shitty apologies next time. Hail yerSelf and Cheers Fuckers. Git the transcript version of this post at t-mfrs.com and check out some do…

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Extra "survival Fs" to give in relationship; Fronting and Feigning 28:46

1+ y ago28:46

28:46

We all know about the 4 survival Fs at this point. But how about the additional F reactions- Fronting and Feigning? Let's talk about learned reactions that keep us feeling safe in relationship... while rotting out the connection, engaging manipulation tactics, and using fear as a self-defense. Looking for more "real relationship talk"? Well that's …

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3.7. Determining "Are they a good relational partner?" before committing 33:35

1+ y ago33:35

33:35

We've talked a lot about committing fully to relationships and overcoming our conflicts together, through examining the subconscious wounds that actually underly our relational upsets. But here's my question: Is that realistic? Today, we talk about getting clearer on the contents of our potential and current relationship partners' preprogramming, t…

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3.6b Overcoming spiraling conflicts in trauma-impacted relationships 27:16

1+ y ago27:16

27:16

Ever feel like "the issue" isn't really "the issue" in relational conflict? That's because the real issue is buried under layers of protective instincts that keep us unable to fully connect or communicate... but very capable of fighting, endlessly. Let's talk about "conscious relationships" and their trauma recovery utility, as we discuss methods f…

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3.6a. Lost love and authentic connection; the fragmented brain explanation 28:20

1+ y ago28:20

28:20

Why do we start close relationships and love connections feeling one way... only to watch them disintegrate, become survival-based, and turn into "resentment"? Let's walk through the easiest explanation ever told; pulling in our Internal Family Systems education to discuss the greatest relational obstacle of them all. Looking for a lot more relatio…

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3.5 Shadow parts vs. successful relationships | Internal VIT for healthy connections 21:20

1+ y ago21:20

21:20

We MFs struggle to begin or maintain healthy relationship dynamics, with a lot of externalized finger pointing about why. "Abusers just flock to me." But the truth is, the abuse recreation is mutual and it all starts in the place we attempt to willfully ignore - inside ourselves, within our preferred and hated personality aspects. Let's talk about …

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Special release | "Ah Hell Naw" Learned obstacles to forming close relationships 40:34

1+ y ago40:34

40:34

Why don't we sign up for close connections anymore? Especially after learning about our CPTSD patterns? It's an episode pulled from the private Fort! Let's talk about relationship hangups from an experiential standpoint, integrating what we've heard from the research with real life brain operations to demystify disorganized feelings about closely c…

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3.4 Vulnerability, Intimacy, and Trust Issues in Relationship 22:29

1+ y ago22:29

22:29

"So how do you feel about relationships? Complicated? You want them? You despise them? You fear them? You long for them? You try them? You exit them rapidly? Or you try to? You get stuck in them? And haunted by cycles of unfulfillment?" Today, let's talk about the obstacles we face when considering relationships or landing ourselves in them. The wa…

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3.3. Subconscious Self-loathing 21:09

1+ y ago21:09

21:09

So you're doing your damndest to be "your best self." Maybe you're confident and comfortable in your identity these days. But, at the same time, you still find that self-condemnation is a big part of your day to day. Why? Let's talk about self-judgment taking place on subconscious levels. How your identities mask the ongoing self-loathing that crea…

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Hardening versus Healing 21:38

1+ y ago21:38

21:38

Today, sharing a mini essay I wrote for another platform, where controversial perspectives are the topic of conversation. In so much of this "trauma recovery game" we're inspired to hunker down against past patterns. But is that really healing? Want more Traumatized Motherfuckers? Join the Patreon to get hundreds of past episodes, weekly releases, …

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3.2. Healing self-contradicting brains with Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy 29:39

1+ y ago29:39

29:39

Ever feel like you've got a whole household of people contained in one skull? Fighting, just like they did in your family home? Turns out, that's normal. Today, let's talk about Internal Family Systems and the roles cemented in your brain. Protectors, Exiles, Distractors, and their vicious cycles that leave us feeling out of control of our own nogg…

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3.1. Loneliness and Isolation in CPTSD 19:03

2y ago19:03

19:03

Surprise, we're back! Keeping up with the private stream's topic of the month, we're here to talk about Loneliness. Let's discuss the varieties of loneliness, the trends that start in childhood and pervade a lifetime, and the separate condition known as Isolation. Plus, how being a relational castaway can actually benefit our post-traumatic growth …

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2.12. Challenges of breaking the cycle | AKA - generational upset, NC, a new world 33:38

2y ago33:38

33:38

Let's talk about the opposition we face during trauma recovery - namely, from our social contacts who aren't ready to have their own histories and perspectives pulled into focus. And, let's discuss the reason why the battle is worth all the effort. Don't give up, brave Motherfucker. Remember that what you're doing matters. For everyone. ✊ Related e…

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2.11. Forming new lives | AKA - reintegration efforts for lasting change 27:44

2y ago27:44

27:44

So we do this painful and energetically expensive inner work. And then what? Return to the same old lives? Naw, Fucker. That's the fastest way to hit "revert to draft." Once the integrative inner work starts, the outer labor has to keep up. Let's talk about supporting our brain changes by building new lives, to enable further cognitive evolution as…

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2.10. The resources needed for brain recovery | AKA - mediums for new perspectives 18:05

2y ago18:05

18:05

Aiming for recovery, but finding that you never have the conditions to make progress? Let's talk about what it takes for a brain to heal. The basic mediums of life that most of us are unable to access in our traumatized society. Related eps: time distortion series, "rat cage" societal trauma series, inner and outer work series, refind yer Self seri…

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2.9. Loss of functionality | AKA - overcompensation, collapse, resisilence not resistence 14:52

2y ago14:52

14:52

A brain is busy with all those survival processes running in the background and the second-by-second management of triggers and symptoms. So what happens when that system gets overloaded? Today, we're talking about the pattern of symptom masking/ignorance, overcompensation, loss of functionality, and eventual collapse. And how does "resilience vs. …

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2.8. Internal battles | AKA - healing your disintegrated brain 15:33

2y ago15:33

15:33

Back to this self-limiting conversation... what happens when our "selves" are limited by incohesion? When we have inner wars over "the right thing," or oppositional memory and emotional responses confusing every issue? Let's talk about the battle that rages inside. Revisiting "parts" and how they're the crux of pulling your shit together for long-l…

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2.7. Self-limiting modes of existence | AKA - life halting programs and parts battles 15:35

2y ago15:35

15:35

You've decided to enact new behaviors to change your life... only to find you can't actually put them into practice. You stall out and revert to old programs to your own bewilderment. Something is stalling progress from the inside. Let's talk about self-limiting strategies for living spawned by trauma. And the ways they become "default modes" of da…

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2.6. Default Mode Network (DMN) | AKA - memory throwbacks, bodily disconnection, and sub-sensory fear 15:45

2y ago15:45

15:45

So we all have a penchant for fear, it's a foundational aspect of PTSD. But what happens when our brain relay system is wonky due to those adaptations? Let's talk about the faulty DMN. How it throws us into disjointed memories, disables continuous autobiographical recall, explains poor sense of somatic (bodily) self, and interacts with those pesky …

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2.5. Entrapment, defeat, suicidality, and relationships | AKA - it's not worth your whole life 15:16

2y ago15:16

15:16

We know, trauma brains create patterns that can stall us out and keep us stuck. This is especially true when talking "relationships" of all forms. Unfortunately, leading many to feel permanently socially-tethered, personally incapable, and suicidal, instead. Today, let's talk about how relationships often corrupt our lives, how to re-work them, and…

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2.4. Filial obligation and family re-immersion | AKA - the family system trap 19:54

2y ago19:54

19:54

The time comes for all of us; the family call to duty. And then what. We know it's going to trigger unwanted trauma reactions. But resisting often feels futile, immoral, and socially-punishing. Let's talk about the dangers of family re-immersion for a healing trauma brain and what we can do to protect ourselves before the filial phonecalls start. R…

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2.3. “Perspective” | AKA - gaslighting, cognitive self-corruption, time distortions 18:47

2y ago18:47

18:47

Perspective; A word with many meanings, depending on who's speaking it. Namely, the bane of, "that's just ONE perspective." Let's talk about the real definition of the word, how it pertains to post-traumatic stress development, where attention vs. willful ignorance comes into play, and how no one can ever have your irreplicable perspective. Trust y…

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2.2. Retraumatization, backslides, and non-linear progress | AKA - current cult.ural triggerings 17:54

2y ago17:54

17:54

Have you been struggling to make meaningful progress? Well, these global events don't help. Especially when they feel so... family-iar... to our trauma brains. Let's talk about the semi-accepted phases of trauma recovery - destabilization, processing, and integration. And how societal systems keep bringing us back to square one. Related eps: "the r…

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2.1. “Not bad enough to be trauma” | AKA - the aftermath is what matters 17:35

2y ago17:35

17:35

Ever doubt that "it was significant enough to count as t-word"? Well, the key word is significance. Let's break this down simply and talk about what really creates PTSD; our brains' subjective experience of fear and the meaning we give events (and ourselves) in the aftermath. Related eps: filial obligation and entrapment series, perspective series …

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Intro to Season Two 7:24

2y ago7:24

7:24

We're back! Let's wrap up a year of in-depth trauma research and community insights with a new season. Free holiday support Discord server: https://discord.gg/5AYuCuQRhn Public holiday episodes (browse or search "holiday"): patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers Full episode guide: https://www.t-mfrs.com/epguide Ho-ho-ho, Motherfucker. I'll see you t…

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1.13. Recovery 38:20

3y ago38:20

38:20

Convinced you aren't individually damaged, doomed, or destitute yet? Sick. But that comfort doesn't do much good if your brain, behaviors, and life don't change along with the perspective. Here are 10 steps for CPTSD recovery and your life redesign. Keeping in mind, "different strokes for different folks," "different gains for different brains." Le…

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1.12. Loss of "Self," Learned Helplessness, and Executive Functioning 24:27

3y ago24:27

24:27

Do you edit your daily activities to feel "acceptable," to the detriment of your own wants, needs, and goals? Can you see yourself clearly from the outside, on one timeline? Do you have the power to "drop out" of your brain and observe its activities as a separate observer? Maybe not. Today, we're talking about the loss of "Self" - the most flowery…

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1.11. Fawning, Anxious Attachment, and Enmeshment 21:32

3y ago21:32

21:32

What's the difference between "being a good person" and sacrificing your whole life to support others? In most of our families and social structures... there isn't one. Which makes it pretty hard to name the problem, re-examine your instincts to serve, or stand up for your right to operate your own brain. Today, let's talk about one of the most ign…

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1.10. Family of Origin & Yer Brain Programming 28:42

3y ago28:42

28:42

Here's a holiday release for ya. Merry whatever-you-do, and let's talk about families fuckin things up. Mental illness seems to run in families, do'nnit? Turns out, there's some biological mirroring mechanisms you might want to hear about. Why are you "the way you are"? It's because of them. Why do they refuse to see your progress and personality r…

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1.9. The Trauma Trap: Avoidance, Rigidity, and Trauma-Bubbles 20:53

3y ago20:53

20:53

So, let's say your brain is on fire 24/7. Your body is doing the same. You're uncomfortable every moment, from the inside and out. You, very literally, are too sick and tired to deal with another obstacle or point of pressure. So... You reasonably start avoiding sources of strain. But then it gets unreasonable. What happens if everything is deemed …

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1.8. Losing Control of Your Brain: Triggers, Spirals, Addiction, Self-harm, Bad habits 32:44

3y ago32:44

32:44

What's the difference between your past high-functionality and current fears of "losing your fucking mind"? Bad information that was programmed into faulty neural networks being activated more regularly in ways that override the accessibility of the "human brained" prefrontal cortex. The good news is, you can fix it. Your brain isn't "you" or a ref…

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