Surviving Cancer & thriving 365 days a year #14

Find Your Voice

Find your voice - Episode 14 - "And still I rise" - Bep Dhaliwal #14

Tagline: "No matter what life threw at her, she felt the pain, she cried the tears, and then she chose to rise..."

The Queen at finding the Silver Lining, Bep Dhaliwal shares her incredible story. You may recognise her from her fantastic movement, Thrive 365 which focuses on life coaching and empowering others.

In this episode Bep discusses her incredible perspective on life, having overcome cancer and seen the damage it has done throughout her family and friends. Initially having a career in the Corporate world she has now transitioned into something more self-fulfilling and purpose driven.

Her infectious and positive attitude is evident as she has had to re-evaluate her own mission in life, focuses solely on helping to empower others.

A truly emotional story, which resonated with me personally due to Cancer being a common theme in my own family, I am grateful Bep shared her story and encourage you all to follow her journey.

Thanks for listening

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[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aaron and as always I am the

host of the show so what a fascinating

story I've got lined up for you today

you see this person is not only

inspiring but she carries so much

strength and I have so much admiration

for her because life hasn't been easy

for her however she's not sitting there

making excuses she's not sitting there

playing the victim card in fact what

she's doing now if she's thriving 365

days of the year and while she's doing

that she's helping to the people so I

think it's really gonna hit home with

quite a few of us that listen to this

and I think there's certain parts of

this episode at least not gonna resonate

with you at least they resonate with me

because some of her stories I've

suffered similar stuff in my life

and maybe you have too and I think

there's real beauty in the way that she

describes a struggle and how she's

overcame it and how she's coping with it

on a daily basis today so I think what

I'm gonna do is jump straight into this

one again it's always more fun listening

to the guest than myself let's get this

show on the way okay so I just want to

begin by obviously thanking the

listeners for tuning in to the show

today and more importantly our wonderful

guest today which is Bev Dahlia so how

are you doing today I'm really good

Winkie great too great to be on and

great to speak to as many people as we

can

fantastic fantastic so as we touched on

just before this off is always obviously

trying to get you on the show for quite

some time now mainly my fault I'd like

to rearrange because of my cold and my

tissues which I still have but I think

it's important for the listeners to get

to know you

a little bit and understand your story

so if you wouldn't mind if you could

just kind of tell us how you progress

through life and kind of ended up where

you are today okay and so as ayran said

my name's Bette I I suppose I'd probably

describe myself as a regular Indian girl

who was being brought up by some amazing

parents actually who have worked really

really hard so you know they were the

first generation to come to the UK they

put a lot of their dreams on hold in

terms of you know my dad wanted to be a

doctor and he ended up having to work in

a factory just you know bringing the

cash et cetera

they both had an amazing work ethic

which I think has helped me my brother

and my sister to really appreciate the

value of kind of working hard and you

know being respectful and looking out

for each other and caring and you know

family first sort of those kinds of

things so it was really privileged and

actually you know months all of that and

I was working hard

there was also loads of fun so you know

we've just laser fun things as kids not

with a lot of money but you know it's

just making time for each other really

and because my dad work shifts we'd have

a lot more quality time with him so that

was always really you know good so he

made sure that we played in that time

which was amazing and then went off to

university it was probably the first

Asian girl in our family to go to

university he see that had his ups and

downs so for me the ups were obviously

like loads of freedom and friendships

and it just felt like you know oh my I

had never really experienced freedom

before so it was just life with no

restrictions and it really sparked

something in me in terms of just being

independent and just on my own two feet

actually putting myself first you know

thinking about what it was that I wanted

and Load came from that so you know that

was a really important time in my life

after university and got married Church

you know chose the guy that I wanted to

marry because I kind of was

fresh to get married and unfortunately

that didn't really work out we you know

you kind of realized quite I realized

very early on that we were just living

life on very different you know my

upbringing had been different values in

life were very different

and there were later lessons you know I

really should have realized at that

point in terms of the power of trusting

your gut you know which I really should

have trusted even today and I didn't but

there was just a lot of pressure to you

know I suppose to live the dream that I

suppose for some respect you know my

parents had given me the freedom to go

to university I owed them something back

and although I chose this guy you know

but we we all learn a lot in that

process my parents in terms of a spaced

out strong and independent I can be for

me it was just a case of wow sometimes

it's really important listen to your

parents and their gut instincts but you

know don't worry about it and that's the

biggest thing for me is that you know

yes it was you know seven or eight years

of my life but who I then became was a

person that I just think wow I would

never become that person if I had stayed

in that kind of relationship or not been

through that yeah exactly not been

through that and then I suppose you know

had a few years of again being single

and enjoying my life and then I met the

right guy and got married and then

cancer came along and threw in some

curveballs so very early on into our

marriage

probably about eighteen months in I

think so yeah so that's me yeah faith in

terms of just that additional element of

Who I am I am I supposed part of the

other theme that kind of ran through was

I had a 20-year kind of corporate career

so I was working you know in a big

corporate business for 20 years in

various different roles sales marketing

PR and I were recently left in 2017 and

set up my own business called Wray 365

and it's literally about how you can

thrive every day I love it

okay thank you for sharing that you're

doing this thing now which is thrive 365

obviously I'm assuming because of your

cancer situation and it's kind of change

the whole perspective on life and I

follow use now on social media not in a

stalking way but I'm very inspired by

your messages and the work that you're

doing out there have you always been

positive inspiring motivational have you

always thought about doing something

perhaps like this in your life or is it

because of the circumstances that you

would doubt you felt no actually I need

to give up this corporate life and I

need to have a shift in my life it's

definitely been because of a second

sentence is not I've never ever thought

about running my own business you know

even than my parents

did you know my mom had a sound wave is

Ness and we all bought up in that and I

realized how much hard work cause that's

never been my thing my thing has eaten

go you know bring in you know a safe

salary and I think for me it was always

a case of them you know and bring home

you know a decent enough salary in terms

of living a nice quality of life and but

but then it was always that case of for

me it's factly I suppose even after the

divorce it was a case of actually

there's more to life than work and work

was my nine-to-five but it was what I

did outside of those hours was what

enriched me and really kind of like

bought more perspective to my life and

that's where I wanna see a lot of my

energy but the cancer definitely made me

made me really stop and think about what

I wanted the rest of my life to be about

and it wasn't necessarily my

nine-to-five I've have had cancer in my

family kind of ripped through it as well

and it does completely change your

perspective and I'm not I'm not saying

it was a reason I kind of gave up

corporate because I gave that up for a

different reason but I think if it was

to happen at that time I'd probably

start to reassess my life as well and I

guess that's kind of one of the reasons

I I want to do this podcast is because I

don't want people to wait for a

situation or a circumstance in their

life in order for them to kind of think

do you know what I better make the most

of my life all of a sudden because a lot

of us is just going through autopilot in

our life to this shame it's a shame to

see because we can do so many beautiful

and wonderful things out there

could we just if you wouldn't mind just

expand a little bit just so the

listeners know in relation to the Thrive

365 yes sure say and I think for me like

you said and I think you've already

recognized as well just you know cancer

made me really really stop and

reevaluate everything in my life and the

one thing I realized that you know that

I really wanted to do was to to make the

most of every day and there's something

about and thriving doesn't mean that

you're living life 100 miles an hour

sometimes thriving for me is literally

sitting in front of the telly watching

Grey's Anatomy because that is the bit

that that chills me out and that's the

program I just have to watch on my own

and it just settles me and it you know

it does everything and I am ready then

to face the world after I've had that

hour and so thriving but it's just

knowing you know knowing that actually

what is it and it's so personal and it's

so individual as to what it takes for

somebody to thrive every day and so

within my business that's what I'm doing

I'm helping individuals through

one-to-one coaching in terms of

understanding themselves better and then

also you know going into corporates and

I'm just the on-site coach that again

goes in it just holds that space for

people to be seen and heard and to feel

like they they value their valued and

that they matter because I think there

was something so I suppose about you

know not living life on everybody else's

terms and expectations and I think

absolutely for me it's that journey of

knowing who you are and I didn't really

know who I was until even I suppose

actually was the it was after when I

decided to get divorced I also decided

to invest in a life coach which was the

best thing ever and she really helped me

work on my values because I was so stuck

about who I was and everything obviously

had been turned upside down for me and I

just thought I don't know how to

navigate forwards and you know and she

appeared at the right time and just

helped me recognize my value you say

that every decision I then made with him

my values were embedded in those

decisions

and I think that really helped fantastic

I resonate so much with that in relation

to my corporate life I actually I did I

didn't employ a life college similar to

yourself but why did is I had somebody

he was a lot wiser than me at the time

asked who I saw as a mentor and he he

actually asked me the question Erin what

are your values in ethics and it's one

of the question where you know it as a

kid I suppose or you kind of live by a

certain way but then you kind of forget

it and you like the whole autopilot and

then all of a sudden i sat there I

thought I don't actually know the answer

to that and I remember sitting there and

I went home that evening us I used to

stay by myself in a hotel when I was

working and I sat there and actually

googled ethics definition and I was

looking around to kind of get some

inspiration and then when I started to

write it down it wasn't far along after

I say about five or six months later I

actually give up corporate world for

forever and I then went on to become a

social worker and kind of attaching

things that resonate with myself in

terms of giving back and stuff so yeah I

find that really interesting that you

said that I was gonna say that that's

great that you actually were able to

hear that and take action against it

because I just I don't think I

definitely didn't realize that I didn't

know what my values were I knew that

things would trigger me and I'd get

upset but I didn't realize it was

because something whatever that

situation was was treading on my values

mmm-hmm and I think there's so much in

that you know the corporate world is

amazing the you know for giving you

perspective and introducing you to

people that have that awareness and that

can mentor you and I've learned so much

in you know my 20 year career but I just

think you sometimes it's those life

experiences that still you know help

absolutely and I think you hit the nail

on the head when you said about knowing

who you are and the funny thing is I

think so many people including myself at

some stage I didn't know who I was and

it's such a simple question but I think

I kind of wish that everyone can just

maybe take time out of their day or in

the weekend or something just a

collective thing is everything I'm doing

in my daily life it

is it working towards my core values at

least because if you can align those in

whatever other sector is you will find

some level of fulfillment happiness I

mean that's kind of my take on it and it

is it's about the alignment piece and I

just think I wish this stuff could be

taught in schools in terms of I didn't

talk quite recently citizen teenagers

and I was desperate to say to them

please don't lose sight of what your

passion is now so be it sport BR keep

something that's just yours

because that will be also be a piece of

how you thrive you know almost every day

because you need to have something that

connects with you and and I suppose one

of my other biggest life lessons is

everything starts with you and you know

everything everything is centered but if

we don't take the time to know who we

are or our triggers are what our

passions are then that's quite often

when we last and we stand we get on this

we live life on other people's terms and

you know with other people's

expectations and then actually that's

when you then end up potentially getting

ill because you realize that you are

living you know very stressful life

because it's not in alignment and that's

when I think sometimes you know the

awareness hits and sometimes that's too

late you know because the illness or

whatever is that's happened is there and

i reaiiy mutl on that page of let's do

this early let's just realise now and

you know you you you can change you can

find a way absolutely to help in

understanding yourself better and live

life in a so you know so much more

empowered way but yeah I can relate to

what it's like in a corporate life

you've got early starts you've got late

late evenings and you're pretty much

working more than the state seven and a

half hours that you're contracted to

your life's change now and you're I

suppose you're kind of living it on your

own terms have you got any sort of daily

habits or anything in relation to

routine where people who perhaps are

going through this phase where they're

trying to find themselves and they're a

little bit lost could perhaps adopt or

maybe kind of alter and

use yeah I suppose one of the things

because my you know my my weeks my

months are all very very different

because I'm kind of out doing later

different things networking you know

meeting new people you know doing some

client work it's all really really

varied but something I realized is

especially in terms of you know walking

my talk how do i thrive every day and

and i think there is something around

that that i know i'm gonna have a good

day if I literally do you know start

with exercise in the morning but then

there's something about you know that

then triggers me to then eat well

through the day will be much more aware

of what I'm eating but then also I think

there's something about taking time for

myself so I you know I have I actually

really enjoy time on my own in terms of

you know either listening to a

meditation doing a bit of journaling you

know I don't have a set time in which I

do that and actually give myself a bit

of a break on some of that stuff and

think actually you know what do I feel

like today like what is going to enrich

me what's going to feed my soul today

and sometimes it's actually even just

connecting with certain people that I

know do that for me as well I spend a

lot of time with my family

and so I've got two young nephews and I

you know where I can they're probably

you know them and my parents are the

ones I think okay I'm gonna get a buzz

from spending some time and that's the

freedom and flexibility I love working

for yourself that you can factor in time

to do you know and suspend where you

know you're gonna get a lot in return

and it is going to enrich you and these

are things that I don't want to ever

look back on my life and think I didn't

make time for the right people and and

all of that so I think having the

freedom and flexibility is what I really

appreciate but also I've realized

stepping away from corporate now just

how free I am to learn and grow in

subjects and areas that literally feed

my soul so

I'm a passionate you know I just feel

this so much more I've got to learn and

so I do you know spend quite a bit of

time in terms of reading absorbing

thinking out how I can use some of this

information with my clients and so I'm

just constantly feeding myself like

knowledge but also experience and giving

myself time to still get to know myself

a lot more and I've kind of said my

husband and myself a challenge this year

that this year is all about us in on an

individual level so what is it that we

both need to do for ourselves so that we

are still connected and I kind of feel

like I although I am connected to myself

I still feel there's so much more I need

to know about myself and I think that

typically again the whole you know I'm

the big sister I all my energy goes on

everybody else and and I need to write

what I really want to just stop and

think actually stop focusing on

everybody else focus on you and what is

it that you need I think you need to

obvious if it's like the analogy you

need to fill your own cock before you

can fill out the people's up there's so

many fantastic points you saw you spoke

about there you walk in the taught

you're getting to know yourself and I

think in a relationship and being in

relationship myself as well just getting

to know yourself and your own needs as

an individual I think his song yeah so I

love my wife to bits she's my rock she's

everything and she allows me to do what

I'm doing today

but we've also I'm very fortunate that

she thinks similar to myself we both

realize we have our own needs as well

and I think you need to all as

individuals but ourselves kind of first

and I know it kind of sounds selfish but

in order if you can do that right I

think that we can obviously give so much

more out to the world yeah and I don't

you know I've kind of challenged you

know I've always thought oh my god is it

selfish is it selfish and I realize

actually it really isn't that self

nurture and that self-love and self-care

just means that you you do fill your own

cup first you know you are the best

person you can be

and then other people benefit from that

they don't burn a curd and InTouch and

all of those kinds of things I think

people it's so much more from when you

are in a good place so whatever you need

to do to get yourself into that good

place first that's what everybody

benefits absolutely i 100% agree i think

the hardest probably point is for anyone

who's very giving in the nature and

actually is to kind of flip that breath

but yeah i think you've hit the nail on

the head I've seen massive improvements

in my life my wealth my health and

everything and by taking that slightly

selfish approach and to be honest it

doesn't even need to be anything

extensive so what I do is I wake up an

hour before my wife and within that hour

I will listen to something that will

help me mentally and I'll go to the gym

within that hour so by the time I come

back I'm then fully present and focused

on like my relationship and then the

work and he just it just works so much

better so yeah fantastic the the next

thing I always like to kind of ask my

guess is about adversity and I know I

know some of your story and I know with

the kinds of scare as well I mean if you

feel comfortable could you explain

perhaps maybe for listeners who could be

going through a similar situation or can

resonate with your story a particular

example of when you've you've gone

through this adversity and it's like a

particular day and how you overcame it

and I think more importantly the lessons

you've learned from it because I think

that's really important that hopefully

that can give some insight to the

listeners yeah sure so and you know

cancer is my story really and if you'd

have said to me years ago you know what

do you want to be named or like I would

never have chosen cancer but it has

literally is big it's become the very

unwelcome visitor in my family who keeps

on showing up and bringing a different

friend every time which is just really

really annoying but you can either drown

with all of that or you can find a way

through and and I've chosen to find a

way through and I suppose our story

started I suppose in in 2012 and my

husband was diagnosed with lymphoma so

that's a blood cancer and that you know

obviously

just knocked the not Dez off her feet

completely because he was the one

actually narration when a relationship

who is a healthy one and actually my

family a lot of people would look at my

husband and think no this guy's me this

guy goes to the gym and he eats well and

you know and he's a good guy and and so

that really shook and it was the first

kind of real experience in my immediate

family of cancer and his family and so

we you know we didn't know how to deal

with it we didn't know how to cope with

it what we realized you know very

quickly was you know you lose all sense

of kind of control and you become part

of the system and so even for me I you

know being the person on the sidelines

that wasn't really able to do anything

so as a carer you know it took hist oh

because everything centered you know

around the cancer and everything

centered around his treatment is

all-encompassing and it's over thing you

you just think live breathe cancer what

are we gonna do and and then you get

stuck in the system of like okay we're

gonna do chemo and his and his chemo

started straight away and you know and

you get into a regime takes loads of

different drugs in between chemo cycles

and and yeah it was the it was it was

mental you know as a family like

everybody was just like how did we deal

with this and and that can cause tension

in itself because everybody wants to

protect to make him better

of course you know and I think so that

was really really tough in terms of

navigating how we were approaching it

and in the end my parents were amazing

and you know my husband fainted after

his first chemo when we were just at

home and so my parents said actually you

know you can't do this on your own and

so we moved in with them so that I could

still do a little bit of work work for

me were they saying as an employer and I

had an amazing boss who basically just

said he's your priority look after him

and work when you can so I was so so

lucky just kind of to it with you know

is really they were so supportive and I

know how lucky we are because that isn't

often the case in cancer journeys

and so we just kind of fell into a

routine in terms of managing symptoms

the one thing it really did bring home

was oh my god do we stress about stuff

that really isn't important you know and

use every day yeah I know because I

think we all think we're invincible and

nothing's going to happen to us and so

we get ourselves so caught up in things

that aren't important and so we realized

you know when he was on that journey and

and every day and you know in his 21

days there's always different as to how

he would feel and there are some nice

side you know like people get angry and

you know and and miserable because of

what the drugs are doing to them and so

there's lots of things you don't see in

terms of you know from cancer and and

but we did start enjoying simple things

so just going for a walk you know we're

going for a cup of tea in a cake all of

these simple things that we so take for

granted suddenly it became so big

because whenever he was actually up to

it and was able to do that that was a

big thing in our day so so that was

tough and then on a holiday to celebrate

the end of his cancer journey so he was

really lucky and he he responded really

well to treatment and he was in

remission and then we went on holiday to

celebrate the end of his treatment and

him going back to work and then on

holiday I found a lump in my breast so

look at that so that I mean that was the

bit that it was hard because you know we

obviously thought we were we were at the

end of it and and we were and for me

that was really hard because because I

just wasn't used to putting myself first

or even being the center of anything

will essential attention and and the one

the biggest learning I suppose from that

whole journey was it made me realize

that I matter I didn't realize that all

that should be eating had um a bit and

actually I'm so grateful for cancer for

making me realize that

you know it totally made me step off

that treadmill of life that was the

trigger for me in terms of you know okay

now it made me question everything

everybody in my life everything that I

did how I was living my life and

obviously I'm so so grateful that both

of us got through it you know I I have

obviously been part of some journey

sense where people haven't got through

it and you know a really good friend of

mine like one of my best friends who

really stepped up when I was going

through my treatment and she just you

know happened to be on maternity leave

at the time and so we ended up spending

a lot of time together and I can

honestly say that she since then has

become my real sunshine pal and so I saw

her whereas other people didn't know

what to say

and it's awkward and people avoid you

when and things like that she rose to

the occasion and she stepped in and and

she just became you know I'd like to go

see her and she just whisked me off for

tea and cake and do things you know we

didn't have a nice lunches some lovely

lovely things and who knew that

literally in that year in 2013 as I was

going through my journey her and her

husband then moved from where they were

living in Windsor up to Nottingham share

and which would be near her family

because she just had her second child

and then her husband got diagnosed with

bowel cancer and sadly he dies in 2016

at the edge of that overall and I just

think but you know mine and Louise's

relationship as a result of all of this

is it has become so tie and so strong

even though we've got distance between

us in miles how she actually has

inspired me beyond belief in terms of

how you how you face death because sadly

we hate talking about death but you know

death is a part of life and and actually

being at the end being there at the end

when you know George very peacefully

buried I'm seeing how she was and how

she shared that with her two boys who

were three and one and a half

literally today inspires me to my core

every single minute of how she dealt

with that and how she continues to deal

with it actually so much so that

shameless plug here we are going to do

overall cod cuts terms of adversity and

you know um what it how it can change

your life and in a way but better if you

if you allow it if you hold it yeah if

you choose to see things differently and

it is all about perspective and the gift

in the suffering you know so there is

something that can come from it and

that's why we do you know of course our

own little sunshine tribe people that we

know will always hold that space for us

and will always let us live loudly live

big dream big be the best that we can be

the first thing I want to say is uh you

you spoke about gratitude day I'm just

very grateful hearing your story and I'm

thankful that you're able to share this

for me I was getting I was getting a

little choked up myself a little bit

there because I can relate in terms of

cancer just ripping through families and

causing this heartache

and I sincerely hope that you know the

kinds of scares for yourself your

husband and for your friend and for

anyone out there really that you know

that they're long gone and that we find

a solution and you know your health goes

from strength to strength you you also

you touched on some amazing things and

one of my wallpapers on my phone is

actually there's beauty in the struggle

it's just a little quote and it comes

from a song but I think at that time we

always think you know it's just

happening to us and the world is

happening to us and it's it's all about

perception and I been through quite a

bit as I'm sure the listeners have and

yourself and I really have managed to

start changing my perception when

something bad happens to myself and I

think it's made me the person that it is

today you touched on beautiful little

things like just going for a walk and

having a slice of cake with a cup of tea

and I think we often forget these little

things because we're in this world where

we see social media and we chase and

this we're chasing this dream that some

celebrity or some improv

has got on there we get the beauty lies

already within us and it's within reach

yeah and I think sometimes we're chasing

this stuff because we think we're not

enough and you know and we need to

constantly be feeling like there's more

there's more you know and I just

sometimes I just think there's so much

in the simplicity of a moment where

you're not actually doing anything is

just you're with the right people you

know and there's just something magical

that if we stopped and and stopped it's

a really big word for me right now in

terms of stuff and just let it be or

fully appreciated it was you know I kind

of think this this one moment in time

right now is the only one that we can

influence absolutely and it's the one

that's going to be you know if we

appreciate how good we've got it right

now in this very moment then we realize

how blessed and how lucky we are because

we can't influence you know we all have

dreams on what we want for the future

we've got experiences in the past that

have shape does and I you know I've had

to realize that I'm not going to have

all the dreams that I wanted and my life

has not gone the way it when I was 20

that I kind of expected it to go but boy

am i a richer person because of air

sometimes we don't know what's good for

us and what is in and and if I don't

make the most of the rest of my life now

I've got the choice to realize that I'm

not forever and you know and right now

how blessed am I for the experiences

I've had up to now and I know that there

will be loads more twists and turns in

this life then was I've always got a

choice in how I respond and I've got a

choice - you know I would definitely say

acknowledge the emotions acknowledge

everything that comes your way give it

space to let it teach you something you

know I still know that a lot of my

cancer journey for myself I did it in

through denial you know I kept on

putting a smile on my face is what

people needed around me that's the other

thing I want to anyone going through a

cancer Joe

just just expect the family and friends

just know that that patient quite often

and is having to be really really strong

you I mean because they can see the fear

in your face and actually I know the

thing that really helped me through my

journey was having a counselor she was

the person that I could go to that you

know wasn't you know a close family or

friend and and she was the one I could

go to and say what if I die you know

what do I need to acknowledge in my life

how do I prepare myself if that is

because you when you get the cancer

diagnosis you face your mortality

it's a massive smack in the face you

know and you realize have I done

everything I've wanted to do up to now

and like you said earlier in the podcast

don't wait you know for the cancer

diagnosis don't wait for that you know

another massive illness or something

live like now because you know if you

trust any of them and they are true I'm

sure all like the stats that are out

there by 2020 so next year one in two of

us are going to be affected by cancer at

some point in our lives and although my

family's taking taking one for the team

in quite a big way I I still think it's

more you know just to stop and

acknowledge the power of you right now

and living the life that you want to

live on your terms absolutely absolutely

I I want to talk about something just

after this first point the first point

is that just in relation to what you

said there and you you you got yourself

a cunt counsellor sorry to speak to you

about having been through would you have

preferred your family to maybe speak to

you openly about it rather than kind of

see as the elephant in the room because

I only ask that because I find it very

very difficult if like when my uncle's

got it or when my uncle passed away with

it do you kind of speak to him about it

and it was always kind of we just

ignoring and pretend everything's happy

and we're all smiling yet we'd go home

and we'd feel sad and then I I know they

would be sad would you employ people to

kind of maybe have that conversation or

do you think it's best left with the

next day

source like a counselor I think

everyone's unique and everybody or you

know because knowing that I use denial

as a coping mechanism I'm not sure that

I would have been ready for certain

family members to say to me okay tell me

what's going on here and how you're

feeling it was actually safer for me to

have somebody outside of my circle and

because I was in denial

putting the smile on for everybody else

and you know and navigating through it

did help the other big thing I probably

really do want to share at this point is

within the Asian community we really

need to start talking about cancer

because it is here it exists and we run

away from it and I know these only my

husband was diagnosed and actually you

know there's a lot of people in our

family still don't know that we bake had

it because we bore a smile or carried on

and and you know I had the most amazing

wig and so I had the most amazing hair

every single day and and so I just think

you know I even turned up at family

functions where people didn't know and

partly because we weren't able to deal

with their handling of it so in a way

I'm not saying everybody should know and

everyone deals with it differently but I

knew that if the more people be told the

more you don't managing their emotions

about the situation than having the

energy to focus on yourself and to do

what's right to get you through it so

there's no right or wrong everyone has

their own way of doing dealing with it

but I think acknowledging it as a family

if that person I shared it with you and

taking the time just to say you know

what can I do how can I help the procure

thing I remember typing a friend of mine

who's whose friend had it I remember

saying to her she said what can I do and

said take her sunshine I said you know

she doesn't want to talk about so all

the time you know she actually just

wants you to acknowledge her as her she

wants you to

you know she can still talk about the

weather she can tell you what she

watched on telly last night

cancer is all-encompassing and sometimes

you just want to break from it and you

talk about other things and you want to

talk about things that you talked before

and the one thing I know I craved was

normality I was so desperate to go back

to the life I had before cancer

Peyman and and you know I can like you

know I'm so full that I can go back to

you know typically the life was like

before now because you know within a

much better place and I know that's not

the case for everybody but know that

when you're on the journey the one thing

you're craving is normality that's

really powerful thank you for sharing

that I think that's that's a great point

and the like you said the Asian

communities everything seems to be a

taboo in the Asian community whether

it's cancer whether it's mental health

it's kind of everything is just brushed

entirely under the carpet which is a

shame but I'm just I just want to go

back to my initial point I really want

to do just highlight you said earlier in

the podcast that I this unwelcome

visitor cancer and you'll be known for

cancer in your eyes and I just want you

to know and I sincerely mean this is

that I think you're an amazing soul and

you'll be remembered for a lot more than

that you'll be remembered from this very

short interaction with yourself now your

inspiring is half out your kindness and

your endearing nature and I think all

the good things that cancer has brought

out of you because I believe it was

always within you to help other people

is truly amazing and you know I would

never just see you as that and that's

from our very short conversation so I

just wanted you to know that I'll bless

you I was I was gonna say that you know

I really want people to know that

there's joy joy runs through my core so

no matter what I kind of think please

find the joy in the simple things and

the big things in through everything I

just think you know just live a life

that is just full of that kindness love

and joy so I just think and that is

where I do walk my talk in terms of you

know making sure that I do find a way

through and you go I know you go what's

your biggest fear in this moment today I

think it is you knowing about what the

cancer has

I do I still fear of it returning a

ferret returning my husband for me for

you know other members of my family

because you know you just think although

I've learned in lessons and I still

sometimes think like okay if it did what

would I do but then I just I do

sometimes just stop myself and going X

I'm like okay like I said earlier bit me

of being a bit of a hypocrite you can I

can only influence today that's a day as

far as I'm aware I don't have it and so

actually that make the most of today so

I think there's always going to be that

underlying fear once it's been there in

your life you know but then I suppose

that's maybe why I'm on over tribe of

cramming as much wonderfulness into as I

possibly can and so and I know I've got

the strength to deal with it in

whichever guys it does if it does so I

think sometimes I just take myself to

what is that fear acknowledge it think

about how I'd handle it and then put it

to bed so don't let it kind of like

overtake and so I think yeah I think

it's it's still there in the background

lurking that's fine that's fine and I

suppose that's probably you don't really

need anything to keep you motivated

I suppose in life because a lot of lot

of people I come in contact with on a

daily basis we're all trying to motivate

ourselves to make the most of life and

you just said a beautiful word there I'm

not even sure if it's a word but it just

sounds beautiful wonderfulness and I

think if we can all make the most of our

days and they're over driving that you

use in I think I think it's so important

I try to do that as well as ie 100

percent think sleep is important but I

think once you have enough sleep then

stop hitting that snooze button really

try and make if you if you want to do

something in life go out there and do it

if you want to connect with someone go

and connect with them if you want to

tell someone you love them then go and

tell them because your stories are

living proof of this you can't take

nothing for granted in this world no too

many of us do spend a you know life

taking a lot for granted absolutely and

people supplanted and I just think

there's something about the magic in the

people around us and

what they bring you and and to share

that with them and select them no

because we can't take anything for

granted

absolutely and I think I mean I'm not

going to sit here and say I take I don't

take things for granted because I I D

but what I've done is and it's just a

little tip for somebody who's probably

not gone through the harsh circumstances

that you have is to really try and have

triggers in your day so for me I have my

wallpaper on my phone I have a photo of

me and my wife have a photo of my family

and I have all these little triggers

where if I ever kind of revert back to

my old habits it will snap me straight

out of place and think I don't fix up

overdrive because because this fault was

there where people are missing as far as

there were people are ill and it's just

it makes you think completely

differently and I just you don't want

you don't want people to go through that

life or have those experiences but I

think sometimes like you said when you

struggle or you go through adversity if

anything it becomes I suppose I can gift

into curses and it you get the case but

then you get a gift from it as well at

the other side I was gonna say when you

get the suffering and I you know there's

something in that suffering but

suffering is also teaching you so much

if you allow it and if you don't fight

it Sam and I just think there's

something in the pain part and that does

then bring the gift when you're ready to

see it okay we are gonna shift gears now

actually we're gonna start smiling now

and what we're gonna do is this is

actually the fun part of the show where

I literally put my guests through just

60 seconds of the most random questions

you've probably heard this week so

there's no right or wrong answer just

try and obviously with your face thought

process and we're gonna start in 3 2 1

okay what did you eat for breakfast Oh

peanut butter on taste the ability to

fly or be invisible fly when your fame

I think Fame for this message your

biggest achievement to date surviving

cancer your favorite food

oh my mum's lamb curry Netflix our

YouTube each aid your number one goal

this year Oh

to to thrive everyday but I really

want to raise the game on how people

live their lives more fully and so to

help people understand how much they

matter would you rather not how you a

died or when you were dying

when love or money love books or movies

books if you could sit with one person

in the world for an hour who would it be

Maya Angela what is your biggest

addiction oh gosh don't know but I'm

addicted to anything really other than

this constant need to better myself were

to learn more and it's all more that's a

brilliant addiction your favorite place

in the world I have to say I took myself

off on a holiday to Brazil and there was

a beautiful hammock on my on my little

balcony I was on my own actually this is

me testing myself and that hammock and

that v---aids on a beach in Brazil was

yeah one I'll never forget if you could

abolish one thing in the world what

would it be I suppose it's ignorance or

people being unkind to each other love

that and finally your favorite song ever

oh my god actually cherish I'm gonna get

cherish cool in the gang

I've heard that played live and is

beautiful brilliant okay fantastic so

the next question I always like to ask

my guess is about reflection I believe

hindsight's a wonderful thing and upon

reflection we can always think of ways

to get to where we currently are quicker

easier or with less heartache but at the

same time the journey teaches us so much

and it's a real belief of mine that

everything happens for a reason so what

I want to know is if you could go back

in time to that one moment where you

struggled say as a younger vet Danny

well somewhere down the line and

suffered with adversity or an obstacle

or anything in life maybe the first time

and you could whisper something in your

ear knowing everything you know now what

would it be and I think it would be that

I'd want to say it's okay you're exactly

where you're meant to be right now you

know don't by to allow the lesson to

come feel the pain feel the feelings and

just trust that there's going to be some

lesson that your learner is as a result

of this and you'll be a better person as

a result of this so just trust and

actually ask for help I'm really bad ass

not asking for help and that's one thing

I've learned is ask for help

mmm-hmm are you better at asking for

help now I am and I know but I also know

who who I know so I've got you know some

space it probably is more my friends now

and you know and some family members I

just think I know what they won what

which ones will give me what I need love

it and if I can help in any way as well

I know you having a podcast soon or any

anything in relation to thrive sixteen

six five or even personally please do

let me know thank you you're very

welcome

sadly we're actually at the last

question now and the last question I

always ask is if in 150 years time

science fails to save us all and all

that's left is a book and this book is

about your life and it's about

everything that you've done everything

you've accomplished all your dreams and

everything what I want to know is what

the summary at the back of the book

would say and also what the title would

be okay and say I think it's gonna be

the summary in the back it's gonna read

something along the lines of no matter

what life threw at her she felt the pain

she cried the tears and then she chose

to rise and she took the lesson learned

something from it she found something to

spark the joy you know she was the queen

of finding the silver lining and I think

there's there's always gonna be fun in

anything that I do and and I there's a

beautiful Maya Angelou quotes and she

just says and still I rise and I think

that would be the title of the book

because I just think you know that life

is tough but then so am I you are that's

very very powerful thank you for sharing

that and just before we close the show I

just want the listeners to be able to

reach out to you if that's okay I know

you're busy and you're probably juggling

loads of things but I think

it'd be worth people following the

movement maybe maybe they can support as

well so I normally ask my guests to

leave one place but I think because you

do such a wonderful thing and it's you

know it's gonna serve the community

you're welcome to give as many plugins

as you as you wish okay lovely so the

the easiest one would be my Instagram

account and that's thrive bet so that's

one LinkedIn please follow me on

LinkedIn and please if you can introduce

me to your to your businesses or

somebody that can just come in and hold

that space and allow you to thrive and

that would be amazing the other thing

that I really did want to mention with

if anyone's heard of Simon Thompson who

is a lady that had her Instagram account

is free in cancer and she's permanently

going through a stage 4 lung cancer

diagnosis at a very young age so I think

she's just turned 30 and Simon has set

up a Facebook page baam e for cancer and

I think it is just about uniting the

ethnic communities so that we do start

talking about cancer and we you know we

open the debate we have the debate and

we start sharing a lot more so it's just

it's a supportive little community just

to hold that space for each other as we

navigate through and yeah and please

follow primer as well she's doing some

amazing work that's fantastic and what I

will do is I'll probably get those off

you so I can put them all in the show

notes just sort of anything you know for

anyone to reach out to you and also to

that Facebook page as well because I

think that's a really really important

thing I want to once again thank

everyone for listening and more

importantly I really want to thank you

for your bravery and your openness to

share your story and inspire many people

and thanks for taking time out of your

day and there's always people thanks for

listening well my pleasure and thanks

and remember this podcast is at

we free so all we ask in return is for

you to share this with a friend and drop

us a five star review over on iTunes

have an awesome day

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