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Drugs, Cartels and Finding God #5
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Manage episode 225448929 series 2474301
Find your voice - Episode 5 - Look up by Ashley Nixon #5
Tagline: “So you sort of look at the victories of the past, and you rely on them for victories in the future"
https://arendeu.com/podcast
Find your voice - Episode 5
Ashley Nixon grew up with rage, that would spiral his life into turmoil. Drug abuse, prison, fighting both in and out of the ring, dealing with well known drug cartels and gangs he often found himself living a life destined for jail or death. Fortunately it was the former and through his time in prison, Ashley had a realisation towards a better life. His purpose almost became apparent and with hard work, the right mindset and devoting himself to a larger cause Ashley is now on his path to serving others and making a massive difference in the world.
His genuine personality, of wanting to serve and now his love for himself having been accepted by the lord, as he puts it, has given him a new life. Born again, is how he describes it and shows that anyone, despite their past mistakes or actions can truly turn their life around.
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#JustDeuIt & #FindYourVoice
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to another episode of find your voice my
name is Aren and I am the host of the
show so today's episode is one of hope
and one which really does capture your
imagination on what is possible this
individual has been at rock bottom and I
mean rock bottom where he's had the
support he's had the community and he's
had the people around him to really try
and lift him up but it just wasn't
enough until something changed and I'm
not gonna tell you what that thing is
but I'm gonna let him explain it because
I think this is such an important story
about how we so often try and do things
to please other people we try and fit
into places where we just know we don't
belong and thankfully for not only
himself did he realize this but also for
the community he is now having such a
massive positive impact on so I hope
you're all having a fantastic day and I
hope this interview really does give you
some insight in terms of what's possible
and more importantly just give you a
sense of hope that people can change
firstly I'm gonna welcome back to the
show so how you doing today my friend
yeah I'm doing good thank you yeah
really good thank you privilege to be
there so thank you well I'm very
grateful that you've taken time out your
day to come on so obviously you've heard
the introduction as listeners but I
think it's more important we hear a
little bit more about Ashley himself and
I've heard snapshots and highlights
about how your world is transformed
basically since I last seen you in the
gym so it's gonna be interesting for me
as well as you guys is the listener so
actually if you wouldn't mind if you
could just give us a run through a
little bit about your life from the
moment you can remember basically up
until where you are right now my right
okay yeah
and it's looking back on your life and
I'm 30 years old now so as you can
imagine I've lived quite a bit for 30
years
listen try and give a bit of a snapshot
of my life it's it's when you're ready
to start so suppose looking back to
where we met we first met at the boxing
club leading up to that I'd been living
with my family in Coventry they're a
group of Coventry we had my mom my man
and a sister as well never really had a
dive growing up and then was about 10
years old my mum met my now stepdad and
being a 10 year old lad being the life
of the family the man of the house and
then certainly having this new man in
the house it kind of I think from there
things began to disrupt in my house my
world was kind of turned upside down a
little bit and to add to that I suppose
we moved them from Commons we'd
established when I was about 11 years
old and so I'm moving to a new area the
accents were funny funny which is I'm
really but I'm sorry no new area I
trying to make new friends
angry and upset with my home situation
and so as you can imagine I began to
meet with and get to know other kids
that were like myself really just angry
upset at the world and from there as you
can imagine paint up in school excited
to describe lessons and to get suspended
and get into fights him in there for
long smoking smoking cannabis regula
getting drunk on the weekends
occasionally was ecstasy involved or
cocaine and life for me quite early on
in the years began to spiral really I
don't know what it was just one of those
kids that you know I weren't really
scared of the police instead of school
and my family at home and we and upset
and trying to find a way to express
emotions I didn't quite understand and
so through crime and getting into
trouble and I've been involved with
young offenders and team stuff I and
they put me to trick all connections it
was back in the day connections with
something that work with young kids to
try and provide positive activities for
them so they sent me to the Lions Boxing
Club and so that's how I found myself at
the box we talked when I was probably
about 15 16 years old oh wow yeah yeah
yes that's probably my first my he
wasn't about that it was yeah my brief
memory of yourself was so I always had
this thing in my head where I was at the
most talented but I would always try and
outwork everyone in the gym
and there's probably I'd say a handful
of people that I remember obviously you
had Connor who was like you know one of
the best boxes in the gym there's a guy
good friend of mine called Andy who used
to work really really hard on his
fitness and I remember yourself and
that's pretty much my only memory of you
as somebody who when he came in he
pretty much gave ease or so in terms of
like work ethic and stuff I fully
understand that I just want to quickly
touch on something though that you
mentioned that you when you were growing
up and you were angry and upset with the
world and stuff was that solely because
you had no father growing up or yeah hi
sighs beautiful thing in it and then
look looking back I I try now to try and
work out and organize and think what it
was but the time it's hard when you're
in the middle of something and your
life's a mess in these turmoil sometimes
it's hard to put your finger on what it
was I suppose looking back it was diyos
I was a little kid in Coventry and I was
ten years old had my first girlfriend
and things were going while I played for
the football team in my primary school
and then my mom meets my stepdad this
man's in my house and we move so you
know an hour away from my home having to
make new friends and I didn't want that
and I suppose it was just rebellion
against that really I mean looking back
now I recognize my mom you know she had
me at a very young age and she gave up
her youth to be my mom and she had a
shot at being happy you know and I
wasn't happy about us being selfish and
suppose there's been a kid not
understanding the world around you're
suppose absolutely absolutely and I
think you touched on the point there
hindsight's a wonderful thing we
sometimes even myself I mean I was never
involved with the police or anything but
this stuff I did as a kid or at school
and you cringe when you think back and
think yeah I was are that guy but I
suppose we all know lessons from it and
that's kind of what I'm trying to get
from this podcast and fun this interview
with yourself so you've touched on
briefly obviously you got into boxing
then so how did that kind of transform
your life because I know that had a
massive impact yeah so this is this is
the first time boxing and so there's
another second occasion which is after
this occasion I was there for a while
and it provided that stability and it
provided routine provided discipline
that sort of thing and I remember the
the Rob this went back when I was a kids
ball Marines came in and they didn't
like a little demonstration in the
boxing club and that was me so I thought
the rule means I'm gonna become a
soldier and I went to the the careers
office and I told him look I want to be
a soldier I want to come and serve and
they asked me about my criminal record
and they basically said look pave
yourself a couple years and we'll accept
that so I tried my best to behave as
I've always been a Jacqueline so it's
more a case of not getting caught
except for couple years continue to box
continue to get fit get healthy and went
down to limp stone in Devon I've done a
four-day selection course for the wrong
reasons and which I passed that and also
sets means of the wrong reasons and then
I go into a phone a pub and I've done
for a BH I'd leave that witness
intimidation and as you can imagine that
was the wrong Marines was my way out my
way out of the brokenness my way out of
the mess it was my way of trying to fix
myself and blooby only stay after that
the door closed and my life just
spiraled from there and things got real
but from then on I went back to the only
thing that I really knew other than that
and that was selling drugs so from a kid
from a young age or worked out you know
the best way to fund any drug habit that
I'd have would be to sell drugs myself
and along with all the states that come
to that all of the reputation the money
and the people thinking you're the big I
am and I really started a little kids I
was an idiot and more Pitt and I've got
caught up in a world that was massive
way bigger than myself and so that was
like 19 I think that was I started
spiraling and really spiraling in that
control and over the next four years 19
to the age of sort of 23 involve wrigley
involved in drug dealing and gang life
that sort of thing I got noticed by some
proper thugs like some proper like
organized crime and I start selling for
these guys and these guys were like
I mean we were selling to like
street-level lads and then we send to
those that are selling to them on the
streets but occasionally buying from the
locals like the Albanian mafia and
selling the house a like it sounds crazy
we've seen out loud sometimes I mean I
sometimes I get to show this he's not
saying it sometimes I share this through
it sounds like something you see almost
on a netflix program like narcos or it
might sound like that but i'll be honest
like this sort of thing happens
throughout the country you know I mean
every town every neighborhood every
council estate
have somebody who's involved in this
kind of a lifestyle it's they I'm sure
as you know yourself maybe this kind of
things it's widespread throughout this
country and I got caught up in it you
know I'm 1920 from a life away and I can
own money really quickly and I'm going
to house parties and people know who I
am and about reputation and people
respect me and I'll be honest - they're
scared little kid if a woman's just
trying to vent that anger that
frustration and finding drugs to mask
problems and issues and it may is just a
mess man absolute mess but yeah I
suppose you can imagine from that and
ended up in prison eventually which was
absolutely the best place for me exactly
where I belong and looking back now
prison mate was the best thing that ever
happened to me just to touch on that so
I've previously worked in a prison for
about six months it was part of my
social work I was doing a master's at
the time and when I went there it was
one of the scariest places I've ever
been personally so I am afraid of the
police I am afraid of like silly things
but when I was there you've seen how how
little these people have interaction
with their kids or with you know the
community will be able to just do stuff
I mean you were getting that one hour
freedom a day where they're allowed to
walk in like the park kind of area they
had and I was looking at that and I used
to go work there so obviously I'm there
from like 9:00 to 5:00 in a I'm so happy
to get back home and I used to always
say I just come home to the missus and I
was like because I've had a couple of
scraps here and there and sometimes
you've hit someone the wrong way and
they're falling down and they're not
getting up and you kind of panic and you
think shit this could go in that
absolutely different way and I literally
sat back and I think having experienced
that from the outside for six months it
was it was eye-opening for me to make
sure that I never ever used my hands or
got into an altercation in the wrong way
so if you wouldn't mind like just for
them at listeners here because I think
it'd be quite interesting a day in the
life of being someone as sort of a
prisoner and how long would you
therefore as well yeah okay so I was I
was quite fortunate and being involved
in the life that was involved you know
and regularly carried firearms and that
we've you know tens of thousands of
pounds of cocaine transporting it in my
car I could have been given you know
seven ten fifteen you know however many
years
but in the end that abh thousand I got
them for I got given a suspended
sentence at the end of the spin is ins
messed up again got given community
order or whatever it was basically like
my old sentence was just hanging over my
head because I never managed to behave
long enough for it to disappear and in
the end I got caught with about two or
three grams of cocaine which is
basically enough for personal amount
that basically invoked the suspended
sentence and I was given 6 months and 14
days so I was well you say six months is
like for me I mean I'm not like I could
do a weekend in there oh yeah I think
prison ultimately I mean as long as
you're willing to go there behave
yourself get your head down you're gonna
be okay but the reason you're in there
is because that's not something that you
do too easily
absolutely for this occasion a tourism
the game and so you're okay and then
being allowed that's always trying to
prove himself always trying to you know
present this person you know long okay
I've got it together okay and so I find
myself in this prison and in prison is a
currency which is like tobacco and
tobacco you're buying drugs you buy a
shoe by that and it's the only addiction
that you're allowed and so people crave
the nicotine in animes in prison if you
want to borrow some tobacco from say
like the loan sharks in there they'll
give you however big the pouch is one
week the next week they want to put the
amount back my Gran's this prison
and I thought you know I'm gonna start
borrowing tobacco because I wanna smoke
aside borrowing some I didn't really
think about the repayments at all the
guy that was borrowed from was only a
scrawny looking lad so I didn't really
feel too much about it he came on to me
one day said Let Me In and pay me back
what you owe me I basically told him I
told him where to go something on me I'm
a painter which is you can imagine was a
pretty stupid idea and I didn't do
because I was a tough guy no I don't
know I wouldn't tell anybody I was a big
hard man you know me big toughness just
more pickup in this crazy world but this
guy anyway he goes down and he says man
I'm gonna go get my clothes my foot yeah
whatever jog on like you went to go get
it
his cousin was huge me
imagine a massive Commodore basically
corridors on the side
I mean there's a little central bit and
then another block on either side sort
of things so kind of what you see on the
TV rooms so I'm on the fifth floor the
fifth I'm in the top floor and I'm just
Hank like basically my hands on the
railings just looking over and then this
big huge guy comes around the corner and
he goes right if that can't be is
causing this guy was huge and so I we're
new in prison if you guys didn't have a
strap normally go into a pad one of the
prison ward like the cells in that
you'll have it off of a strap and two
guys will stand outside and keep trying
till the guards come sort of thing as
you can imagine that's a pretty
intimidating prospect when a guy that
this guy was huge
but he came towards me anyway and sort
of like he put himself in the browser as
well and I don't know if used for the
proven point to the rest of the wind
because he ended up being the biggest
loan shark on the wind load and he's put
his arms over the side I'm over to sign
his turn and he goes what are you gonna
pay me back and as I turned to talk to
him he just hit me at the side of the
head as hard as he could
I've sort of staggered back I ended up
having local marks on the side made four
to three weeks because he's doing it on
the landing on the wing the security
guards nearby and so we strapped in
flashing 30-second twenty seconds when
Allah and screwy guys jumped on him
pinned him to the floor I've turned to
decide the scrawny cousins had a go at
me then as well and so I won't have any
scraps on the land and the security
guards got involved and and through
basically the street lighting involved
was the last one standing but as you can
imagine again reputation starts good for
the roof people saying he is not a liar
you know I'm not paying attention to the
system playing by the prison's rules
like I said me I was in India
whoopee and I got myself into all kinds
of trouble but um see ya these guys
ended up there getting removed off the
prison wing moves to another part to
present and tobacco size tutorial
because that last the ones who were
supplying tobacco they put a price on my
head so that if anyone gave me a hickey
and or a beam or whatever or you know
you're in prison with a price on you and
it's mostly you know stabbed a sticker
and so this is the position I found
myself in all over the game making
things absolutely the worst I possibly
could for myself really I want to say I
admire your honesty for for coming up
and and sharing this story and I think
what we need to take away from is
probably the most important bits is that
while you were doing all this and I've
seen you you're a big lad you your
strong lad but you just mentioned a
couple of things there where you've said
that you were scared and you know you
had a mask on and you were you were kind
of you almost trying to be somebody that
you maybe you weren't deep down I'm not
sure I'm not sure if that's the right
words but I just feel like you've shown
some vulnerability there and I think
there's probably a lot of kids and I've
got I've got a couple of extended family
members or friends who are doing similar
things to yourself and it and it's it
worries me because I'm always trying to
tell them but like whose reputation are
you really trying to get and what is
this reputation that you want to be
known for and I want to kind of just
spin this a little bit because I don't
want people just thinking that you're
right they're just crap over the world
and going absolutely crazy because there
is light at the end of the tunnel with
your story which is why I find it so
fascinating I know recently you've had a
massive transformation in your life and
I I can tell from your intelligence that
one you realize that you were
accountable for everything you've taken
responsibility you've accepted that yeah
it was your fault so if you wouldn't
mind just just for the listeners as well
just kind of how your life started to
transform or what measures you took yeah
okay so I think from what you've heard
from my story already there's a couple
of times I've tried to sort myself out
boxing was one and which in the end
became so incredible at the time I think
too young and too stupid to take the
opportunity given to me the second
Holmes the rule means trying to solve a
self out through the wrong reasons
many times I've tried and I knew my life
was a mess I knew I needed help and you
I needed a way out but I think with the
anger and the frustration and I'll be on
let things go I was trapped you know as
I was trapped you know I think I was in
prison within my own mind long before
everything prison itself and so I think
personally I was at a point of not being
able to help myself at all it's funny
because I this apart the storyline I
love this part of story it's not always
a part the story that people can always
truly grasp time in this prison my
life's in danger there's a price on my
head I'm looking over my shoulder
constantly waiting to get a kick in and
it is at this point another prisoner who
was who was in the cell opposite me he
came to me he said may I I think you
need God and then one thing he got in
your life and I for me you want to
taking the mick yeah and I'm in prison
my life's in danger I need you know
baseball bat or a couple of mates I
don't know and you know that's crazy but
I think it's something at that point I
don't know if she's been triggering me
something caught my attention I don't
know what it was but a couple of days
later I'm walking down a prison wing in
the corridor and there's a sign-up sheet
on the wall for chapel and I see this
functional chapel and and something
about it just it just caught my
attention it's all about it he just drew
me towards it I was like okay what's
this all about
I looked at it and I read this time
machine afore it's not for me and I mean
I'm not interested I don't care what
this guy's saying about God I don't want
to know I don't care and I went to walk
away and something is showing me it's
the strangest thing about it just felt
like there's something tugging at me
something within was just pulling at me
and I look back now and I've got words
to try and describe what was going on it
was just crazy
it was like it was weird it was crazy so
it was pulling me towards this song she
does something more about it than what I
read about it yeah in the end of I've
sort of gone back and as I'm going back
towards it there's like a sense of
excitement growing I mean almost like a
sense of adrenalin groaning me know I
was training some crazy drugs in this
world but what was going on at that
moment was it was surreal it's weird and
so I thought you know what can I lose
let's go and check out what this
chappals all about and so I signed up my
name and basically what this feat was
about is if you sign up my name on a
Sunday a prison guard will come to you
so they'd release you from prison they
take you to Chapel I thought okay cool
I'll get myself out there so let's go
I sign my name a million and the moment
I found my name of a centerpiece it
means I'd never experienced before in my
life well you know I was here I was in
prison I was a broken-down scumbag and
exactly what I deserved
my life was in danger and if I got me a
kicked in and I said oh I deserve but
here I was feeling peace feeling as
though there's more to life than what
currently experienced more than any
people as well and that was crazy me to
try and for me to look back and like
sometimes I catch myself saying now it's
telling this story
absolutely crazy really yeah I think I
think this is such a fascinating story
because it's literally from one extreme
to the complete opposite end of the
spectrum it's not like you've made a
mistake you made it the second time and
then you you've kind of sorted yourself
at through whatever means it is you've
literally I mean I'm listening to that
story initially and if I didn't know you
and say for instance you had already
told me half the story I would be like
okay there's no hope for this guy and I
say that because like I said I know
people who are who have had a similar
life and I've tried my best to help them
personally and I tried to kind of change
their circle of friends their influence
try and change their mindset make them
read more do more and sometimes I'll be
honest I feel helpless but what you've
just given me there which you may not
realize is you've given me a sense of
hope that actually ok might not be God
but there there is a way that we can tap
into people say for instance like
yourself and I'm I'm using your words
here I'm not calling you this by the way
per say Prince is somebody exactly like
a scumbag for example I really sort of
transform their lives so oh yeah that is
powerful powerful stuff so yeah so you
started you started in prison in terms
of so you go to this chapel and then how
did that kind of accelerate afterwards
yeah yeah so I mean I'm in prison and
learned the chapel week-in week-out and
I'm trying to study this bad person
trying to get more groups the Bible and
stuff like that and hearing about a God
who who loves me and God he wants the
very best for me a God of second chances
a god of redemption a lot of forgiveness
and these are all the things I knew that
I needed so desperately and I remember
going back to my son and tried my first
ever prayer and I'm sort of saying God
you know if you're out there and you are
who these people say well look I need
help and I really really need to know
please how many way the week's all go by
I'm coming towards a moment where I like
the opposite gangs in honor these lads
are involved with these little guys okay
here comes to kicking I'm waiting for an
alarm would go off or a cigar would just
turn on the corner you know I mean and
like almost like you leave coincidences
yeah yeah looking at them on the surface
like this just a coincidence you know
the main burner like it felt like I was
protecting me I felt renewed it's not
hope was there like I had hope you know
never excused
like tomorrow's gonna be okay it's gonna
be all right you know me like no matter
how dark and how broken how messed up my
situation was you know what there is a
way out and things can change and it's
beautiful me just having that hope just
it stirs you online I love that I love
that message and that's kind of a
message I always try and preach my
selves and it's actually something that
keV it's fantastic and he talks about
belief and whether you believe in God or
whether you believe in anything like he
always says worst case just believe in
yourself because we all need that
otherwise we're lost and I suppose you
you were I think it's fair to say you
were lost for so long and oh yeah you
found your calling and I think that's
fantastic mate it's one it's nice to
hear that your life had turned around
from that yes I imagined that your
opinion of yourself changed so rather
than see yourself as this scumbag for
example will keep just using that word
yes how did you start seeing yourself
how would you explain yourself you okay
I'd love to say that instantly BAM my
change completely yes does this new
sense of hope there was this sense of
per person of death meaning that my life
had value and meaning you know I mean it
wasn't just some random mess that was
doomed to fall apart with her but like
prisoners to flying yes I've got this
Bible in my hands now I'm trying to
learn to pray but then I'm back in my
own neighborhood of I tackle my uncle
and my old gang mates who are only my
old influences are they're my old
reputation goes before mold you know
know made all this temptations around me
looking I remember the first night come
out of prison you know this Bible in me
under mana going back home and we make
comes running and I'm sniffing coke with
him and I'm wondering why I can't sleep
at night you know my doings myself and I
think the 10-month period be kind of
just completely wrestling between the
identity that I used to have
and this new identity that I've
experienced and wanted so much more uh
and so does this season of uh you know
at growl bit on the weekend and I'll get
into fights and I've got my jaw broken
between I throw my prison before I
started boxing just a flat-out into a
fight go out and take drugs then come
home and read my Bible and pray and
believe in this God that was gonna save
me and set me free it was just a weird
season of things happening but in this
period again like I spoke about
coincidences in the prison I believe
coincidences we had to start taking
place outside of prison as well so the
gang that I was involved in and I said I
was on tag so I had to be in by seven
fucking line eight o'clock at night
there was caught in the drugs bust right
at one point four million pounds of drug
bust and they're caught with like large
amounts of cocaine large amounts of cash
shotguns and literally a big bust it was
across the news everywhere so they were
removed from the streets I found out my
best friend was Steven my girlfriend was
in prison so they all removed from my
life and through another series of
complete coincidences I was left
isolated and all alone and with nothing
more than the Bible and trying to learn
to pray and I believe God removed the
baggage from my life and the brokenness
for my life to really be able to work on
myself and so for me when when you read
some of the things in the bite the bio
bassoonist stuff the bio says about it's
beautiful like it's beautifully like
says that every hair that's on your head
is numbered God knows you that well and
that intimately in you are of that
importance and that value in your hair
is numb but you don't mean like stuff
like it's beautiful and she decided to
read this stuff and he starts to to
speak value into your life I think one
of the most powerful things that that
can happen with things like depression
you'll have these thoughts that go over
and over and over in your head and they
completely compounding
the ideas so if you think that you're
nothing any worthless and you're
thinking that constantly every single
day you're gonna think you're worthless
and nothing I know it's gonna spiral or
as if someone starts to speak words are
positive words are encouraging
I think words and words that we believe
and the things that we believe about
ourselves are so powerful you've took
the words right out of my mouth and I
was gonna say this literally I was gonna
say this later on because how you speak
to yourself will determine your life in
your story and your level of happiness
massively in terms of so even myself
I've gone through like anxiety and all
that sort of stuff in my life and in
terms of like my business for example if
just use it as an example it's gone much
better in the last six months than it
was previously but because my state of
mind and my self-worth and love and
everything was always at its best I
suppose I've always managed to be happy
in the moment and happy in the now so
irrespective of whether I have more
zeros in the end of my bank account at
the end of the day or I have a fancier
car outside on my driveway my level of
happiness doesn't really change because
it's an inside job and I think people
are always trying to personal things
materialistic things whereby they're
trying to get some sort of validation
from the public or external factors but
what you really need to do is look
within yourselves and until you can
start loving yourself and start looking
after yourself so how you look after
yourself in the gym or with your diet
you need to look after yourself with
your thoughts so you know massively I
appreciate you saying that mate because
I'm you did take the words out my mouth
I was saving that for later it's
important we live in a world now which
is so media driven Facebook we've got
everything there are fingertips but the
message of the world is saying to us is
you're not good enough unless you have
this have something to sell they've got
a product to get rid off so they can
convince you that you're not good enough
without their product that's what
they're gonna do and if we've seen these
messages day in and day out
no wonder the half of all things were no
good with nothing we're worthless
because that's what the world is telling
us that's so powerful it's horrible me I
mean it makes people feel inferior and I
think one of the things I've always
tried to do so I used to be personal
training previously a long time ago and
I see a lot of personal trainers or
they're not even personal trainers it
people on Instagram who you've got six
packs for example and what they're doing
is those they'll sell this kind of
course or they'll just keep constantly
showing forwards of their abs and then I
was getting a lot of people come in with
insecurities because I happens is you go
on Instagram everyone's live in their
best life everyone's got a car
everyone's going on holiday a month they
read it to all friends in the middle of
the night and they doing all this crazy
stuff and I'm thinking you saying the
truth another reason for this podcast is
to give people the the cold hard truth
that you're gonna have shit days you
know you're gonna you're gonna have good
days but it's about trying to work on
your mindset trying to understand the
people out there like like yourselves
who are going through this as well but
they're coming out on the other side
basically and they're coming out with it
whether it's the
connection to God or whether it's their
daily habits or the way they the
environment we're in in the words for me
I find that in the Bible I found that in
my relations with God I find out how he
was guiding me and leading me but then
at the same time then another powerful
part was the boxing club hmm so I knew I
needed a good community around me I
needed friends I needed help you know
and for me as much as I've experienced
God and his power in prison as much as I
was now reading the Bible and praying
the idea of going to church was was
foreign you know me but I remembered
from when I was a kid that I had a place
where I was welcomed I had a place where
I was loved I had a place where I was
accepted that was my boxing club so I
remember rather sheepishly driving back
to my boxing club knowing I left there
because I've got caught up in drugs and
stuff knowing that I'd probably let them
all down and wondering how they treat me
want to come back and I member pulling
up in there in the carpark in there and
then so keV came out for the doors like
I lost one even recognized me and he
said come in man we went in and like he
let one of the other coaches carry on
with the class and stuff and went up and
sign the classrooms upstairs
it just checked me like you just heard
my story heard how old my life's
returning to you know complete hustle
yeah yeah except me like and you know
he's not Christian himself but the
values that he betrays their godly made
the beautiful and I mean the guy's
incredible May he was my first episode
and the reason he was my first episode
is because the world needs more of keV
Dylan and I don't think because he's
nature and his job and stuff he's not
aware of the whole selling himself for
marketing himself and I'm kind of I want
to be his advocate because I just feel
that if people spend mine with him
may I mentioned on the podcast the best
years of my life was when keV was
training me on a one-to-one basis I
loved him I loved spending time with him
I'm similar to keV I'm not a religious
person but we share the same values and
ethics and I feel that whatever you find
your power through or your level of Hope
through hold that tight I've never let
go because that's gonna that's gonna get
you through this world because and just
his way of thinking I mean he could sit
there and feel sorry for himself all the
time or he could judge you
there and I think it takes a big man
like yourself to come out and think okay
I've let these people down many times
before can I step back in the reason so
Fairplay for dropping your ego there
because I think that's another thing he
has we have a big sense of ego growing
up yeah and if you can if you can get
rid of the ego within yourself I just
think you live a much more fulfilling
life
no absolutely it's a blessing still
being a mop it still reading this Bible
and praying and still had these crazy
experiences may his cradles just in a
crazy time but I start with the box in a
box it becomes a place of stability
becomes a place of discipline and a
place where I'm accepted and then let me
even given the privilege of now to coach
as well and I'm like somebody's putting
value in tomorrow if you see something
it mean it's calling the help from me as
we've gotten more relation with God the
same things happening and I ended up
then going back to church I start going
to church I'll be honest because a girl
invited me and so I find myself in
church against trying to buy another
community of people that just love me
and accept me for who I am
and and then I heard the Gospel message
which is the central message of
Christianity that God loves you no
matter what you've done he wants to
forgive you for no matter how much
brokenness and how much pain you've
brought into this world and wants to
give you a second chance and so I sort
of accepted that message and I believe
through the boxing and the community had
their through the valley the cave was
given me through the Bible through my
experience of God something in me just
boldly changed and I had a new sense of
who I was as a person and for me I was
still taking drugs I never had any
troops counseling no referral workers no
drug dependency no no help or medication
just gonna show us how we can just
saying this is one going to live for the
next week drugs just went has no
addiction as new need for it there's
like the void that was being filled with
the drugs or the void that has been
filled with white say was darkness which
is full of light no best hope and it was
just boom I'm free and you made just
that I just want to touch time that
sorry just before you carry on you make
what you did there you made a decision
when you make a decision like you just
made there with conviction
in the church saying listen you know
what this is me now this is my new
identity this is the new actually mixin
I am no longer that person you've kind
of ridding yourself of that past it's
just powerful mate and I just want to
elaborate on that thank you thank you
yeah there's a beautiful passage in the
bio leases and you must be born again so
you must have your whole life completed
and he's set free from stuff so for me
I've always wanted to be free the drugs
I always knew it was wrong but there's
like something that just held me in it
like I don't know ever just like I said
didn't have the conviction didn't having
a belief
didn't have the sense of shrimp to get
myself out but now that moment standing
in my church and I message your foot
might not believe this is really true
it's almost as if BAM was born again you
know no man all right I felt like
something just changed like it's crazy I
love it's a massive change from
obviously where you fit first where we
just touch on that now so you you're
born again it's your day like now then
because I'm hoping and I've got my hands
crossed here that you're not on the
streets at any stage selling anything
doing anything god you made so what's
your kind of like daily routine that
you're doing that God the drums
disappeared on peon they don't say only
only like you and you're kind of dante's
you're you're downplaying the
achievements listen my biggest claim to
fame was keV was gonna select me for
novice Nationals and I'd only had one
fight previous to that and I took an
injury outside which is a story for
another day but I was so proud of that
because I know how hard it is to train
mate so fantastic mate well done for
that so thank you yeah so yeah I've done
the Box in than that and then I was
coaching the club and you know you just
shrimp dish shrimp and then I've I went
to my church I was doing like an
internship at the same time trying to
get my head into what the hell is this
crazy Christian world all about why is
the truth a bit as opposed to the the
Christianity of this portrayed in the
media what's the real story behind all
then my church said look we want to fund
you and pay for you to go to Bible
College which is basically University so
I went to university degree in the
priorities in church leadership
she's the first class on this as well
relations lady who's been in prison
he's quite yeah massive massive
turnaround I love that from their church
so about six hundred churches in Britain
and about three thousand around the
world as well they want to they've
recognized that my life changed I
recognized that there's something of God
in me and something's going on in my
life so they've probably now on to a
training program which is for the next
three years become an ordained reverent
a minister so I'm currently training to
become a minister and church mate
believe or not may you're giving me
goosebumps I contact you see you right
now
I promise you the hairs of light raised
Omaha from drugs to a degree to now
you're going to be spreading the message
of what you believe in the future and I
bless my little boy and be there for him
in an amazing life radically changed me
I love the privilege that I have to
share this story because every time I
share it I'm a I'm so grateful as well
myself to be able to sit here and speak
with you as well whether honestly this
is this is fantastic and this is this is
what it's all about spreading this kind
of message as well your son's very lucky
because sometimes I feel in a way
you have an advantage over other people
because you've been you've been in the
dark side mate you've been rock bottom
and use this in it and you're not you're
not reading a book about somebody who's
been on the dark side and then trying to
fabricate a story you've lived it you
know not on the other side and it gives
people hope and like likely touched on
earlier hope is like one of the most
important things in the world cuz if
you've nothing to hope for and nothing
to wish for then life kind of becomes
meaningless you know a powerful man I'm
really happy for you you give me
goosebumps mate it's the first time
we've really so I'm looking forward to
obviously keeping this friendship going
in the future as well and whenever you
down at the gym is are trying to stuff
my boxing gloves on I love it okay so
I'm gonna just switch it a little bit
now and I was gonna ask him at adversity
but I think pretty much hit like so many
aspects of your life in terms of
adversity but if I just put you on the
spot a little bit here now for the
listeners he has an only chance to kind
of prepare himself for this so let's
just point to him but I'm sure you'll
and you'll on the right answer me in
terms of adversity so now you've been
born again and things are going well for
you you've got hmm I mean new missus
you're with your son now you're spending
time with him things are going well for
you you've got your degree in everything
if let's just say now in the last couple
of months or the last year could you
think of a time where you've had
adversity again but knowing what you
know now and obviously finding the light
how do you handle it now because I think
it's really important for people to
realize that life can still try and
throw you a curveball and then it's how
you react to it so just give you a bit
of a back to do something I'm married
now and my wife is an incredible woman
you know sometimes I think there must be
a god because she's great obviously like
me my wife both came from Berger
backgrounds she's also got quite a story
of hope and transformation zone and
bhavish thing you come from a broken
back ground and that baggage doesn't
just go away you know I mean they're all
mindsets yes I'm a Christian now yes i
believe in christian principles and
morals but still I'm on a journey until
I see journey and you don't just change
just is it a change that happens over
and so the Christian Way obviously we
don't obviously try not to have sex
before marriage and that's probably one
of the big Christian teachings and stuff
I know the sex is a sacred thing saved
for marriage and which for me was very
foreign to the way I used to think and
so obviously my wife struggled with that
a little bit anyway but we decided that
we was gonna wait until he's married and
we believe highly in the sanctity of
marriage the marriage is an incredible
thing that it should be entered into
lightly and as opposed to our culture
today is that if something's not working
if you had to throw it away start again
and we're in a consumeristic culture so
once you've used something you just
throw it away if something's not working
properly anymore you get rid of it get a
new one and I think sometimes that kind
of mentality especially in the 21st
century carries forward into our
relationships and so we're not always I
don't think you got to work on a
relationship it starts to go wrong we
just think let's chop her out let's get
a new model sort of thing and so for a
Christian to not have the whole sector
for marriage and then to get married and
to believe that we're married in the
eyes of God that we've been brought
together because you know God wants the
very best for us and you have our very
high expectation of marriage and a high
view of marriage but as you can imagine
see people that don't live together and
then they start to live together it
causes friction
yeah any two people coming together any
two people with two different life
styles and different ways of living
friction and so I don't know if we had
an idealistic view of what life would be
like I think for me I'm away from the
first years of our marriage I suppose
we've struggled a little bit just with
the whole being different people coming
from broken backgrounds different
expectations and stuff I did the
beautiful thing of having such a high
view on the moment was that rather than
me thinking I'm gonna chop her and get a
new one it was like I'm gonna dig in
I've been through brokenness before I've
been through darkness before I've seen
how bad life from get you ain't gonna
get that bad again and I'm gonna press
through and say you saw look at the
victories from the past and you sort of
rely on them for victories in the future
and so me my wife worked out our
differences in just a flatiron
we're stronger now and more in love now
than we'd ever be if we hadn't have gone
through what we went through I'll be
honest mate sometimes you come humbly
were going on that woman she does
mulatto it and I'm sure if she was in
this room she'd say exactly the same
thing about me but I love it to bits man
and I think
without going through what we went
through we won't have what we have now
and suppose yeah I loved that mayor I
think it's remembering past victories to
believe that they'll be present
victories written victories of the past
as a sword not because I want to
elaborate on that in a second but just
before that you were making me small
while you were saying that and I was
kind of so I put my vulnerability here
I'm a very emotional person so I kind of
get emotional when I hear stuff let up
because the way I view my wife and my
marriage is the same as you it's it's a
very very important thing for me I was a
bit of a dad back at Union I always made
a promise at the moment I get married I
will do everything in my power to be the
best man that I can be and I so often
see people who maybe stray or just do
just do things that I don't necessarily
agree with so for me at man-to-man
hearing somebody who has that sense of
love and the way you look at your wife
may I hold my heart of team because it's
important because behind every month
good man there's a good woman and I'm
doing the stuff that I am fortunate to
do now I mean as we speak now and we
record this my wife's at work bless her
and my aim is to get her out of work
very soon but if I couldn't have done a
lot of the stuff I've done in my life if
it wasn't for my wife and I'm very
grateful I love just hearing your
transformation because although you were
doing all those things in the past this
person this genuinely amazing person was
always in there and I'm just glad that
you managed to find it just to touch on
the victories of the past so what I find
that so powerful was because there's a
guy called David Goggins I'm not sure if
you follow him but he's somebody who I
follow quite quite a lot religiously
basically but he mentioned something
called a cookie jar and what he does is
all of these he calls it like a jar of
fuck what he does is every time he's
been through shit in his life he puts it
into this imaginary jar of fuck right
and he calls it like the cookie jar and
then what happens is when he's faced
with adversity in life he thinks back to
that Johnny's at hold on a minute I'm
that same guy who's been through all of
this and I can get visit and going
through now and I think you've you've
done it in your own way you've said the
victories of the past will help you
secure victories of the future which i
think is just as powerful lesson so may
it's fantastic that I mean you don't
even argue there guys and yet you're
preaching the same stuff as this guy
who's in millions which is why I say
everyone's story matters because your
story matters and it's gonna it's gonna
inspire lots of people so
that's fantastic man I wish you and your
wife all the best it'd be great to get
her on the show as well which means I'm
very interested yeah I'm sure she would
be yeah yeah yeah definitely I'll put it
to anywhere she says definitely me
yeah she's got great story I love it
mate I'm just gonna switch gears again
I'm just conscious obviously I'm the
running time as well so where you are
currently now in your life and I know
you from like a physical aspect in terms
of like your boxing and stuff and being
on the streets you're not really afraid
of much or at least it doesn't seem like
you're afraid
but let me ask you the question right in
this moment right now what is your
biggest fear hmm okay
I mean so fear is also a vulnerable
thing because we put high value one on
faith I suppose the ante that would be
fearing it so the opposite of faith is
fear so fear for me would be that I've
been giving this incredibly beautiful
life and I make an absolute mess of it I
don't use every single day to do all I
can to give back to the garden and to
the communities that have built so much
into me so my fear would be that I might
just make a mess of things you know I
love that
so it's a great message and I'm
confident knowing where you are now I
wouldn't have been confident secure to
go up I'm confident that you'll do that
mate and you've got a good community
around you you've got mutual friends and
after this you know I consider you a
friend and if you ever need any help
from me by all these new reach I am more
than happy to sort it on my hand so on
the basis of that and obviously now you
found your calling and you just touch
that you want to make an impact or just
do the best you can basically would you
say that's your main motivation or
inspiration that kind of keeps you keeps
you going every morning or isn't
anything else other than your wife yeah
yeah there's a couple of things I
suppose I suppose having a fear is
something to kind of drag you down or it
can propel you forward yeah so like fear
is faithful it's believed in the
opposite to the lies that we sauce and
tell ourselves and for me a great source
of hope for the future and a drive is is
reading the Bible the Word of God and
there's some things in there may you
read anything in there for 2,000 years
now and like so there's a passion system
all things work together for good for
the good of those who love God and
that's like everyone's thought I've seen
people with tattoos if it says
everything happens for a reason it's
something that was written in the Bible
2,000 years ago some of the stuff that's
written in there about you know she's
might be transformed by the renewal of
your mind think on things are above
think on things that are holy and good
and pure and just training your mind to
think positively to think the best of a
negative situation is so powerful so and
so yes but for me like in the morning
just haven't you know 20 minutes half an
hour an hour even just reading that
crazy book that inspires you know
billions of people the world around it
that's a real motivator for me and then
there's those moments where you see
someone else they get it and the light
comes on absolutely and I'm in you can I
I now work from a Christian company we
work with kids that care system okay I
mean you think my life's but these kids
might day something like child sexual
exploitation backgrounds and severe drug
abuses from young age all kinds of
domestic abuse and violence and stuff
like kids that have been rejected by
their families and their parents their
loan Society and they come through the
system and it's basically teaching them
at the one end to tidy a bedroom and to
cook and clean and the other end to
function in society and to see them just
take little steps it's beautiful and to
be involved in that kind of a process
it's it's beautiful to do that sort of
thing is great it's good
yeah the motivator ultimately it's
living not for yourself or for others
there's a great power in buying into
yourself and when you know you no longer
need to let society think your your
written you've got it and you don't need
to prove you accept yourself then you
can live for others and that's beautiful
me Wow it is may may be may be
absolutely and you know I don't discount
anything but I just worked so what
really hit me there was a you might not
know this but I've got siblings who have
been in the foster care so three my
siblings are white
Josh Coyle and Kelsey and they came
through the foster care system but then
we went through guardianship so they
basically
the family and my younger sister Illya
is adopted as well so that was one of
the reasons where why I personally went
into social it because I want you to be
the best damn social worker in the world
and change the world because the life we
have made is a million times better than
the life these kids have had in kill
yeah and for you to be doing such a
great thing now I'm just I'm so grateful
that one you found like however you
found it but two you're also giving back
because you're gonna be a massive
positive influence on these dude I love
it mate we've got a lot more in common
than I thought other than boxing yeah
what thing is I went into social work to
cut a long story short because I was the
breaking as a project manager in London
I was only more money than I knew what
to do it but there comes a time where
you need something more than money to
get you out of bed in the morning and it
was always I just want to help people
and I send my siblings go through so
much shit that I was like I'm gonna
change the world but then when I got
into social is the one thing that let me
down was there's so much bureaucracy
that you can't really change it that
much so what I've done is thought okay
let me use my presence and my brand and
my marketing and influences and let's
try and change the world
holistic Lee so reaching out to people
like you you've got a community reaching
out to community centres and I'm trying
to make an impact where nobody say to me
oh you've got a gold do some paperwork
9205 I'm I'm doing this on my own and I
want to kind of change the world as key
shares that sounds my own way but I
can't do it by myself which is why I
need people like yourselves and others
to share this you'll really get together
so I love it mate and just on that note
the buzzer has gone off so this is the
part of the show where we get
interrupted we change the script we
change the pattern and we're just going
to go into a quick five 60 seconds
Q&A if you're ready yeah sounds good in
three two one
okay buddy the ability to fly or be
invisible or invisible for money or fame
[Music]
Netflix on YouTube YouTube Coke or Pepsi
oh would you rather know how you will
die or when you were dying when love or
money love summer or winter summer your
favorite place in the whole wide
right here and right now love it
would you rather speak all of the act
languages in the world will be able to
speak to animals all the languages if
you could abolish one thing in the world
what would it be darkness your favorite
song ever oh man Christmas is a
Christian song called how great how
great is our God not for me volumes read
minds or predict the future predict the
future okay okay but time is up so so
you work with money didn't you at the
end rather than fame the money or fame I
think I went from money in the end
because yeah with money you can do so
much for other people I love it and I
think sometimes Fame can get in the way
Klein it because means is something that
drives parade and elegance for me person
you know something I have to check on a
lot absolutely I love it me I love it
okay so we're gonna go back into the
interview style of the questions again
now like I said you keep taking the
words out of my mouth at the minute so
in relation to a reflection I always say
hindsight's a wonderful thing and upon
reflecting we can always think of ways
where we can do things quicker or get to
a certain place earlier or easier but I
always say the journey teaches us a lot
as well and yeah it's something that I
feel everything happens for a reason
which is kind of what you touch them on
so if you can go back to say one moment
in your life where maybe you were
struggling or you really found a turning
point and you could fast track all your
progress knowing exactly what you know
now what would that time be and what
would you actually say okay um I think
this is difficult is fun I think because
you said you put a lot of emphasis on
the journey already I think it's the
journey that makes you who you are
and so I mean I think I had to go to
present I won't want to not I've gone to
prison because I think that was such
crucial integral part of my journey to
experience what I experienced I wouldn't
want to stop myself and go in there so I
don't think I would be Who I am today
but I think it's just something so it's
impolite I mean we always look inward so
often and when we look in words when I
have people upset and his diet is broken
then we look out but everything else I
look so much better I think just looking
up just the words look up I love that I
mean personally I've obviously been a
man of faith I'd say just look up mm-hmm
but the journey they say it's crew
it's hard it is may it molds you into
the person that you are mice well I
suppose it's more for the fact that the
reason I always ask this question is
because I wouldn't change your journey I
wish you suffered less pain in your life
personally but at the same time I'm
grateful that you've been through your
journey and you come out the other side
because mate you're gonna do amazing
things in the world and I truly believe
that but I just feel that if say for
instance there was another carbon copy
of yourself but we can just take away a
little bit of their pain maybe and a
little bit of their hardship if there
was something that we could necessarily
say for I take your own I take your
answer on board I think it's fantastic
answer so thank you thank you so there's
only really one more question that I
always like to ask my guests for the
listeners and that is basically if say
for instance in 150 years time we are no
longer about and you know here's a book
on the table and this book is about you
so what would that book be called and
what would the blurb at the back of it
tell us about Ashley Nixon I stuffed me
that what would the book be Colin yeah
let's go from the blimp cuz I've thrown
that in myself here from darkness to
light no matter how dark has been this
journey of darkness will turn to I don't
know it's hard to think of a blurb on it
because blows becoming like trying to
capture all of what we've said or
paragraph it's I think no matter how
dark and how broken things can get there
is always a way out
and this story will show you the way out
will help you to be inspired to as well
I love it something along them lines I
don't know I have to pee I love it I
love that and just thinking out loud
what I would call it just on this I
would call it that's coming from
somebody who does it necessarily follow
God but I just think the lessons that
you just taught me today the lesson that
I live by anyway so it's kind of you're
saying stuff dumb like hold on a minute
is that in the Bible
really and that's fascinating for me
like I'm always eager to learn more and
try and become a better person so I
appreciate you for that I just want to
end this now because I think it's
important May and I know you're not
always on social media selling your
story I always try and get people to
sell their stories rather than you know
having to see people who are selling
courses and
all that shit on social media I think
it's more important people sell
themselves and they sell their true
story and what they can offer to the
world and I think you've got something
to offer so if there's one place that
people can connect with you what would
be the best way that people can reach
out to you I suppose Facebook he's the
one for me like I wasn't always on
social media was always into that sort
of thing but I recognized it is a place
where people connect so powerfully so
you know I mean and people share so much
of themselves on there and so I've got a
Facebook account on mine avid post there
is a bit more of my story on there for
people to recap over if they want to as
well so yeah it suppose Facebook
definitely and I don't mind people
saying formal questions the one okay
fantastic so for anyone listening please
do reach out it's actually mixing on
Facebook I'll put all the links and
everything in the show notes so you can
literally download it what I would just
say and again I'm not trying to add work
or anything it's just the kind of
thought off the top of my head is you
could potentially and maybe this is
something in the future mate is maybe
start a community it could be called a
little company could be called whatever
you want to call it right and I think if
you can get people who may be Christians
may be believers or people that have
sinned such a dark place because I'll
tell you something there's there's a
hell of a lot more people than just
yourself you have company this
transformation or or need this
transformation I feel that like you said
Facebook's very powerful maybe think
somewhere you create this a nice safe
haven for people where they feel safe
and I just think you've got a great
message mate it's been an absolute
pleasure speaking to you and yourselves
looting honestly it's been brilliant I
love to get you back on the podcast
again maybe with your missus or your
missus on a separate one because I feel
like everyone's got a story and I just
want to thank everyone for tuning in as
always thanks for listening and remember
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Manage episode 225448929 series 2474301
Find your voice - Episode 5 - Look up by Ashley Nixon #5
Tagline: “So you sort of look at the victories of the past, and you rely on them for victories in the future"
https://arendeu.com/podcast
Find your voice - Episode 5
Ashley Nixon grew up with rage, that would spiral his life into turmoil. Drug abuse, prison, fighting both in and out of the ring, dealing with well known drug cartels and gangs he often found himself living a life destined for jail or death. Fortunately it was the former and through his time in prison, Ashley had a realisation towards a better life. His purpose almost became apparent and with hard work, the right mindset and devoting himself to a larger cause Ashley is now on his path to serving others and making a massive difference in the world.
His genuine personality, of wanting to serve and now his love for himself having been accepted by the lord, as he puts it, has given him a new life. Born again, is how he describes it and shows that anyone, despite their past mistakes or actions can truly turn their life around.
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#JustDeuIt & #FindYourVoice
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to another episode of find your voice my
name is Aren and I am the host of the
show so today's episode is one of hope
and one which really does capture your
imagination on what is possible this
individual has been at rock bottom and I
mean rock bottom where he's had the
support he's had the community and he's
had the people around him to really try
and lift him up but it just wasn't
enough until something changed and I'm
not gonna tell you what that thing is
but I'm gonna let him explain it because
I think this is such an important story
about how we so often try and do things
to please other people we try and fit
into places where we just know we don't
belong and thankfully for not only
himself did he realize this but also for
the community he is now having such a
massive positive impact on so I hope
you're all having a fantastic day and I
hope this interview really does give you
some insight in terms of what's possible
and more importantly just give you a
sense of hope that people can change
firstly I'm gonna welcome back to the
show so how you doing today my friend
yeah I'm doing good thank you yeah
really good thank you privilege to be
there so thank you well I'm very
grateful that you've taken time out your
day to come on so obviously you've heard
the introduction as listeners but I
think it's more important we hear a
little bit more about Ashley himself and
I've heard snapshots and highlights
about how your world is transformed
basically since I last seen you in the
gym so it's gonna be interesting for me
as well as you guys is the listener so
actually if you wouldn't mind if you
could just give us a run through a
little bit about your life from the
moment you can remember basically up
until where you are right now my right
okay yeah
and it's looking back on your life and
I'm 30 years old now so as you can
imagine I've lived quite a bit for 30
years
listen try and give a bit of a snapshot
of my life it's it's when you're ready
to start so suppose looking back to
where we met we first met at the boxing
club leading up to that I'd been living
with my family in Coventry they're a
group of Coventry we had my mom my man
and a sister as well never really had a
dive growing up and then was about 10
years old my mum met my now stepdad and
being a 10 year old lad being the life
of the family the man of the house and
then certainly having this new man in
the house it kind of I think from there
things began to disrupt in my house my
world was kind of turned upside down a
little bit and to add to that I suppose
we moved them from Commons we'd
established when I was about 11 years
old and so I'm moving to a new area the
accents were funny funny which is I'm
really but I'm sorry no new area I
trying to make new friends
angry and upset with my home situation
and so as you can imagine I began to
meet with and get to know other kids
that were like myself really just angry
upset at the world and from there as you
can imagine paint up in school excited
to describe lessons and to get suspended
and get into fights him in there for
long smoking smoking cannabis regula
getting drunk on the weekends
occasionally was ecstasy involved or
cocaine and life for me quite early on
in the years began to spiral really I
don't know what it was just one of those
kids that you know I weren't really
scared of the police instead of school
and my family at home and we and upset
and trying to find a way to express
emotions I didn't quite understand and
so through crime and getting into
trouble and I've been involved with
young offenders and team stuff I and
they put me to trick all connections it
was back in the day connections with
something that work with young kids to
try and provide positive activities for
them so they sent me to the Lions Boxing
Club and so that's how I found myself at
the box we talked when I was probably
about 15 16 years old oh wow yeah yeah
yes that's probably my first my he
wasn't about that it was yeah my brief
memory of yourself was so I always had
this thing in my head where I was at the
most talented but I would always try and
outwork everyone in the gym
and there's probably I'd say a handful
of people that I remember obviously you
had Connor who was like you know one of
the best boxes in the gym there's a guy
good friend of mine called Andy who used
to work really really hard on his
fitness and I remember yourself and
that's pretty much my only memory of you
as somebody who when he came in he
pretty much gave ease or so in terms of
like work ethic and stuff I fully
understand that I just want to quickly
touch on something though that you
mentioned that you when you were growing
up and you were angry and upset with the
world and stuff was that solely because
you had no father growing up or yeah hi
sighs beautiful thing in it and then
look looking back I I try now to try and
work out and organize and think what it
was but the time it's hard when you're
in the middle of something and your
life's a mess in these turmoil sometimes
it's hard to put your finger on what it
was I suppose looking back it was diyos
I was a little kid in Coventry and I was
ten years old had my first girlfriend
and things were going while I played for
the football team in my primary school
and then my mom meets my stepdad this
man's in my house and we move so you
know an hour away from my home having to
make new friends and I didn't want that
and I suppose it was just rebellion
against that really I mean looking back
now I recognize my mom you know she had
me at a very young age and she gave up
her youth to be my mom and she had a
shot at being happy you know and I
wasn't happy about us being selfish and
suppose there's been a kid not
understanding the world around you're
suppose absolutely absolutely and I
think you touched on the point there
hindsight's a wonderful thing we
sometimes even myself I mean I was never
involved with the police or anything but
this stuff I did as a kid or at school
and you cringe when you think back and
think yeah I was are that guy but I
suppose we all know lessons from it and
that's kind of what I'm trying to get
from this podcast and fun this interview
with yourself so you've touched on
briefly obviously you got into boxing
then so how did that kind of transform
your life because I know that had a
massive impact yeah so this is this is
the first time boxing and so there's
another second occasion which is after
this occasion I was there for a while
and it provided that stability and it
provided routine provided discipline
that sort of thing and I remember the
the Rob this went back when I was a kids
ball Marines came in and they didn't
like a little demonstration in the
boxing club and that was me so I thought
the rule means I'm gonna become a
soldier and I went to the the careers
office and I told him look I want to be
a soldier I want to come and serve and
they asked me about my criminal record
and they basically said look pave
yourself a couple years and we'll accept
that so I tried my best to behave as
I've always been a Jacqueline so it's
more a case of not getting caught
except for couple years continue to box
continue to get fit get healthy and went
down to limp stone in Devon I've done a
four-day selection course for the wrong
reasons and which I passed that and also
sets means of the wrong reasons and then
I go into a phone a pub and I've done
for a BH I'd leave that witness
intimidation and as you can imagine that
was the wrong Marines was my way out my
way out of the brokenness my way out of
the mess it was my way of trying to fix
myself and blooby only stay after that
the door closed and my life just
spiraled from there and things got real
but from then on I went back to the only
thing that I really knew other than that
and that was selling drugs so from a kid
from a young age or worked out you know
the best way to fund any drug habit that
I'd have would be to sell drugs myself
and along with all the states that come
to that all of the reputation the money
and the people thinking you're the big I
am and I really started a little kids I
was an idiot and more Pitt and I've got
caught up in a world that was massive
way bigger than myself and so that was
like 19 I think that was I started
spiraling and really spiraling in that
control and over the next four years 19
to the age of sort of 23 involve wrigley
involved in drug dealing and gang life
that sort of thing I got noticed by some
proper thugs like some proper like
organized crime and I start selling for
these guys and these guys were like
I mean we were selling to like
street-level lads and then we send to
those that are selling to them on the
streets but occasionally buying from the
locals like the Albanian mafia and
selling the house a like it sounds crazy
we've seen out loud sometimes I mean I
sometimes I get to show this he's not
saying it sometimes I share this through
it sounds like something you see almost
on a netflix program like narcos or it
might sound like that but i'll be honest
like this sort of thing happens
throughout the country you know I mean
every town every neighborhood every
council estate
have somebody who's involved in this
kind of a lifestyle it's they I'm sure
as you know yourself maybe this kind of
things it's widespread throughout this
country and I got caught up in it you
know I'm 1920 from a life away and I can
own money really quickly and I'm going
to house parties and people know who I
am and about reputation and people
respect me and I'll be honest - they're
scared little kid if a woman's just
trying to vent that anger that
frustration and finding drugs to mask
problems and issues and it may is just a
mess man absolute mess but yeah I
suppose you can imagine from that and
ended up in prison eventually which was
absolutely the best place for me exactly
where I belong and looking back now
prison mate was the best thing that ever
happened to me just to touch on that so
I've previously worked in a prison for
about six months it was part of my
social work I was doing a master's at
the time and when I went there it was
one of the scariest places I've ever
been personally so I am afraid of the
police I am afraid of like silly things
but when I was there you've seen how how
little these people have interaction
with their kids or with you know the
community will be able to just do stuff
I mean you were getting that one hour
freedom a day where they're allowed to
walk in like the park kind of area they
had and I was looking at that and I used
to go work there so obviously I'm there
from like 9:00 to 5:00 in a I'm so happy
to get back home and I used to always
say I just come home to the missus and I
was like because I've had a couple of
scraps here and there and sometimes
you've hit someone the wrong way and
they're falling down and they're not
getting up and you kind of panic and you
think shit this could go in that
absolutely different way and I literally
sat back and I think having experienced
that from the outside for six months it
was it was eye-opening for me to make
sure that I never ever used my hands or
got into an altercation in the wrong way
so if you wouldn't mind like just for
them at listeners here because I think
it'd be quite interesting a day in the
life of being someone as sort of a
prisoner and how long would you
therefore as well yeah okay so I was I
was quite fortunate and being involved
in the life that was involved you know
and regularly carried firearms and that
we've you know tens of thousands of
pounds of cocaine transporting it in my
car I could have been given you know
seven ten fifteen you know however many
years
but in the end that abh thousand I got
them for I got given a suspended
sentence at the end of the spin is ins
messed up again got given community
order or whatever it was basically like
my old sentence was just hanging over my
head because I never managed to behave
long enough for it to disappear and in
the end I got caught with about two or
three grams of cocaine which is
basically enough for personal amount
that basically invoked the suspended
sentence and I was given 6 months and 14
days so I was well you say six months is
like for me I mean I'm not like I could
do a weekend in there oh yeah I think
prison ultimately I mean as long as
you're willing to go there behave
yourself get your head down you're gonna
be okay but the reason you're in there
is because that's not something that you
do too easily
absolutely for this occasion a tourism
the game and so you're okay and then
being allowed that's always trying to
prove himself always trying to you know
present this person you know long okay
I've got it together okay and so I find
myself in this prison and in prison is a
currency which is like tobacco and
tobacco you're buying drugs you buy a
shoe by that and it's the only addiction
that you're allowed and so people crave
the nicotine in animes in prison if you
want to borrow some tobacco from say
like the loan sharks in there they'll
give you however big the pouch is one
week the next week they want to put the
amount back my Gran's this prison
and I thought you know I'm gonna start
borrowing tobacco because I wanna smoke
aside borrowing some I didn't really
think about the repayments at all the
guy that was borrowed from was only a
scrawny looking lad so I didn't really
feel too much about it he came on to me
one day said Let Me In and pay me back
what you owe me I basically told him I
told him where to go something on me I'm
a painter which is you can imagine was a
pretty stupid idea and I didn't do
because I was a tough guy no I don't
know I wouldn't tell anybody I was a big
hard man you know me big toughness just
more pickup in this crazy world but this
guy anyway he goes down and he says man
I'm gonna go get my clothes my foot yeah
whatever jog on like you went to go get
it
his cousin was huge me
imagine a massive Commodore basically
corridors on the side
I mean there's a little central bit and
then another block on either side sort
of things so kind of what you see on the
TV rooms so I'm on the fifth floor the
fifth I'm in the top floor and I'm just
Hank like basically my hands on the
railings just looking over and then this
big huge guy comes around the corner and
he goes right if that can't be is
causing this guy was huge and so I we're
new in prison if you guys didn't have a
strap normally go into a pad one of the
prison ward like the cells in that
you'll have it off of a strap and two
guys will stand outside and keep trying
till the guards come sort of thing as
you can imagine that's a pretty
intimidating prospect when a guy that
this guy was huge
but he came towards me anyway and sort
of like he put himself in the browser as
well and I don't know if used for the
proven point to the rest of the wind
because he ended up being the biggest
loan shark on the wind load and he's put
his arms over the side I'm over to sign
his turn and he goes what are you gonna
pay me back and as I turned to talk to
him he just hit me at the side of the
head as hard as he could
I've sort of staggered back I ended up
having local marks on the side made four
to three weeks because he's doing it on
the landing on the wing the security
guards nearby and so we strapped in
flashing 30-second twenty seconds when
Allah and screwy guys jumped on him
pinned him to the floor I've turned to
decide the scrawny cousins had a go at
me then as well and so I won't have any
scraps on the land and the security
guards got involved and and through
basically the street lighting involved
was the last one standing but as you can
imagine again reputation starts good for
the roof people saying he is not a liar
you know I'm not paying attention to the
system playing by the prison's rules
like I said me I was in India
whoopee and I got myself into all kinds
of trouble but um see ya these guys
ended up there getting removed off the
prison wing moves to another part to
present and tobacco size tutorial
because that last the ones who were
supplying tobacco they put a price on my
head so that if anyone gave me a hickey
and or a beam or whatever or you know
you're in prison with a price on you and
it's mostly you know stabbed a sticker
and so this is the position I found
myself in all over the game making
things absolutely the worst I possibly
could for myself really I want to say I
admire your honesty for for coming up
and and sharing this story and I think
what we need to take away from is
probably the most important bits is that
while you were doing all this and I've
seen you you're a big lad you your
strong lad but you just mentioned a
couple of things there where you've said
that you were scared and you know you
had a mask on and you were you were kind
of you almost trying to be somebody that
you maybe you weren't deep down I'm not
sure I'm not sure if that's the right
words but I just feel like you've shown
some vulnerability there and I think
there's probably a lot of kids and I've
got I've got a couple of extended family
members or friends who are doing similar
things to yourself and it and it's it
worries me because I'm always trying to
tell them but like whose reputation are
you really trying to get and what is
this reputation that you want to be
known for and I want to kind of just
spin this a little bit because I don't
want people just thinking that you're
right they're just crap over the world
and going absolutely crazy because there
is light at the end of the tunnel with
your story which is why I find it so
fascinating I know recently you've had a
massive transformation in your life and
I I can tell from your intelligence that
one you realize that you were
accountable for everything you've taken
responsibility you've accepted that yeah
it was your fault so if you wouldn't
mind just just for the listeners as well
just kind of how your life started to
transform or what measures you took yeah
okay so I think from what you've heard
from my story already there's a couple
of times I've tried to sort myself out
boxing was one and which in the end
became so incredible at the time I think
too young and too stupid to take the
opportunity given to me the second
Holmes the rule means trying to solve a
self out through the wrong reasons
many times I've tried and I knew my life
was a mess I knew I needed help and you
I needed a way out but I think with the
anger and the frustration and I'll be on
let things go I was trapped you know as
I was trapped you know I think I was in
prison within my own mind long before
everything prison itself and so I think
personally I was at a point of not being
able to help myself at all it's funny
because I this apart the storyline I
love this part of story it's not always
a part the story that people can always
truly grasp time in this prison my
life's in danger there's a price on my
head I'm looking over my shoulder
constantly waiting to get a kick in and
it is at this point another prisoner who
was who was in the cell opposite me he
came to me he said may I I think you
need God and then one thing he got in
your life and I for me you want to
taking the mick yeah and I'm in prison
my life's in danger I need you know
baseball bat or a couple of mates I
don't know and you know that's crazy but
I think it's something at that point I
don't know if she's been triggering me
something caught my attention I don't
know what it was but a couple of days
later I'm walking down a prison wing in
the corridor and there's a sign-up sheet
on the wall for chapel and I see this
functional chapel and and something
about it just it just caught my
attention it's all about it he just drew
me towards it I was like okay what's
this all about
I looked at it and I read this time
machine afore it's not for me and I mean
I'm not interested I don't care what
this guy's saying about God I don't want
to know I don't care and I went to walk
away and something is showing me it's
the strangest thing about it just felt
like there's something tugging at me
something within was just pulling at me
and I look back now and I've got words
to try and describe what was going on it
was just crazy
it was like it was weird it was crazy so
it was pulling me towards this song she
does something more about it than what I
read about it yeah in the end of I've
sort of gone back and as I'm going back
towards it there's like a sense of
excitement growing I mean almost like a
sense of adrenalin groaning me know I
was training some crazy drugs in this
world but what was going on at that
moment was it was surreal it's weird and
so I thought you know what can I lose
let's go and check out what this
chappals all about and so I signed up my
name and basically what this feat was
about is if you sign up my name on a
Sunday a prison guard will come to you
so they'd release you from prison they
take you to Chapel I thought okay cool
I'll get myself out there so let's go
I sign my name a million and the moment
I found my name of a centerpiece it
means I'd never experienced before in my
life well you know I was here I was in
prison I was a broken-down scumbag and
exactly what I deserved
my life was in danger and if I got me a
kicked in and I said oh I deserve but
here I was feeling peace feeling as
though there's more to life than what
currently experienced more than any
people as well and that was crazy me to
try and for me to look back and like
sometimes I catch myself saying now it's
telling this story
absolutely crazy really yeah I think I
think this is such a fascinating story
because it's literally from one extreme
to the complete opposite end of the
spectrum it's not like you've made a
mistake you made it the second time and
then you you've kind of sorted yourself
at through whatever means it is you've
literally I mean I'm listening to that
story initially and if I didn't know you
and say for instance you had already
told me half the story I would be like
okay there's no hope for this guy and I
say that because like I said I know
people who are who have had a similar
life and I've tried my best to help them
personally and I tried to kind of change
their circle of friends their influence
try and change their mindset make them
read more do more and sometimes I'll be
honest I feel helpless but what you've
just given me there which you may not
realize is you've given me a sense of
hope that actually ok might not be God
but there there is a way that we can tap
into people say for instance like
yourself and I'm I'm using your words
here I'm not calling you this by the way
per say Prince is somebody exactly like
a scumbag for example I really sort of
transform their lives so oh yeah that is
powerful powerful stuff so yeah so you
started you started in prison in terms
of so you go to this chapel and then how
did that kind of accelerate afterwards
yeah yeah so I mean I'm in prison and
learned the chapel week-in week-out and
I'm trying to study this bad person
trying to get more groups the Bible and
stuff like that and hearing about a God
who who loves me and God he wants the
very best for me a God of second chances
a god of redemption a lot of forgiveness
and these are all the things I knew that
I needed so desperately and I remember
going back to my son and tried my first
ever prayer and I'm sort of saying God
you know if you're out there and you are
who these people say well look I need
help and I really really need to know
please how many way the week's all go by
I'm coming towards a moment where I like
the opposite gangs in honor these lads
are involved with these little guys okay
here comes to kicking I'm waiting for an
alarm would go off or a cigar would just
turn on the corner you know I mean and
like almost like you leave coincidences
yeah yeah looking at them on the surface
like this just a coincidence you know
the main burner like it felt like I was
protecting me I felt renewed it's not
hope was there like I had hope you know
never excused
like tomorrow's gonna be okay it's gonna
be all right you know me like no matter
how dark and how broken how messed up my
situation was you know what there is a
way out and things can change and it's
beautiful me just having that hope just
it stirs you online I love that I love
that message and that's kind of a
message I always try and preach my
selves and it's actually something that
keV it's fantastic and he talks about
belief and whether you believe in God or
whether you believe in anything like he
always says worst case just believe in
yourself because we all need that
otherwise we're lost and I suppose you
you were I think it's fair to say you
were lost for so long and oh yeah you
found your calling and I think that's
fantastic mate it's one it's nice to
hear that your life had turned around
from that yes I imagined that your
opinion of yourself changed so rather
than see yourself as this scumbag for
example will keep just using that word
yes how did you start seeing yourself
how would you explain yourself you okay
I'd love to say that instantly BAM my
change completely yes does this new
sense of hope there was this sense of
per person of death meaning that my life
had value and meaning you know I mean it
wasn't just some random mess that was
doomed to fall apart with her but like
prisoners to flying yes I've got this
Bible in my hands now I'm trying to
learn to pray but then I'm back in my
own neighborhood of I tackle my uncle
and my old gang mates who are only my
old influences are they're my old
reputation goes before mold you know
know made all this temptations around me
looking I remember the first night come
out of prison you know this Bible in me
under mana going back home and we make
comes running and I'm sniffing coke with
him and I'm wondering why I can't sleep
at night you know my doings myself and I
think the 10-month period be kind of
just completely wrestling between the
identity that I used to have
and this new identity that I've
experienced and wanted so much more uh
and so does this season of uh you know
at growl bit on the weekend and I'll get
into fights and I've got my jaw broken
between I throw my prison before I
started boxing just a flat-out into a
fight go out and take drugs then come
home and read my Bible and pray and
believe in this God that was gonna save
me and set me free it was just a weird
season of things happening but in this
period again like I spoke about
coincidences in the prison I believe
coincidences we had to start taking
place outside of prison as well so the
gang that I was involved in and I said I
was on tag so I had to be in by seven
fucking line eight o'clock at night
there was caught in the drugs bust right
at one point four million pounds of drug
bust and they're caught with like large
amounts of cocaine large amounts of cash
shotguns and literally a big bust it was
across the news everywhere so they were
removed from the streets I found out my
best friend was Steven my girlfriend was
in prison so they all removed from my
life and through another series of
complete coincidences I was left
isolated and all alone and with nothing
more than the Bible and trying to learn
to pray and I believe God removed the
baggage from my life and the brokenness
for my life to really be able to work on
myself and so for me when when you read
some of the things in the bite the bio
bassoonist stuff the bio says about it's
beautiful like it's beautifully like
says that every hair that's on your head
is numbered God knows you that well and
that intimately in you are of that
importance and that value in your hair
is numb but you don't mean like stuff
like it's beautiful and she decided to
read this stuff and he starts to to
speak value into your life I think one
of the most powerful things that that
can happen with things like depression
you'll have these thoughts that go over
and over and over in your head and they
completely compounding
the ideas so if you think that you're
nothing any worthless and you're
thinking that constantly every single
day you're gonna think you're worthless
and nothing I know it's gonna spiral or
as if someone starts to speak words are
positive words are encouraging
I think words and words that we believe
and the things that we believe about
ourselves are so powerful you've took
the words right out of my mouth and I
was gonna say this literally I was gonna
say this later on because how you speak
to yourself will determine your life in
your story and your level of happiness
massively in terms of so even myself
I've gone through like anxiety and all
that sort of stuff in my life and in
terms of like my business for example if
just use it as an example it's gone much
better in the last six months than it
was previously but because my state of
mind and my self-worth and love and
everything was always at its best I
suppose I've always managed to be happy
in the moment and happy in the now so
irrespective of whether I have more
zeros in the end of my bank account at
the end of the day or I have a fancier
car outside on my driveway my level of
happiness doesn't really change because
it's an inside job and I think people
are always trying to personal things
materialistic things whereby they're
trying to get some sort of validation
from the public or external factors but
what you really need to do is look
within yourselves and until you can
start loving yourself and start looking
after yourself so how you look after
yourself in the gym or with your diet
you need to look after yourself with
your thoughts so you know massively I
appreciate you saying that mate because
I'm you did take the words out my mouth
I was saving that for later it's
important we live in a world now which
is so media driven Facebook we've got
everything there are fingertips but the
message of the world is saying to us is
you're not good enough unless you have
this have something to sell they've got
a product to get rid off so they can
convince you that you're not good enough
without their product that's what
they're gonna do and if we've seen these
messages day in and day out
no wonder the half of all things were no
good with nothing we're worthless
because that's what the world is telling
us that's so powerful it's horrible me I
mean it makes people feel inferior and I
think one of the things I've always
tried to do so I used to be personal
training previously a long time ago and
I see a lot of personal trainers or
they're not even personal trainers it
people on Instagram who you've got six
packs for example and what they're doing
is those they'll sell this kind of
course or they'll just keep constantly
showing forwards of their abs and then I
was getting a lot of people come in with
insecurities because I happens is you go
on Instagram everyone's live in their
best life everyone's got a car
everyone's going on holiday a month they
read it to all friends in the middle of
the night and they doing all this crazy
stuff and I'm thinking you saying the
truth another reason for this podcast is
to give people the the cold hard truth
that you're gonna have shit days you
know you're gonna you're gonna have good
days but it's about trying to work on
your mindset trying to understand the
people out there like like yourselves
who are going through this as well but
they're coming out on the other side
basically and they're coming out with it
whether it's the
connection to God or whether it's their
daily habits or the way they the
environment we're in in the words for me
I find that in the Bible I found that in
my relations with God I find out how he
was guiding me and leading me but then
at the same time then another powerful
part was the boxing club hmm so I knew I
needed a good community around me I
needed friends I needed help you know
and for me as much as I've experienced
God and his power in prison as much as I
was now reading the Bible and praying
the idea of going to church was was
foreign you know me but I remembered
from when I was a kid that I had a place
where I was welcomed I had a place where
I was loved I had a place where I was
accepted that was my boxing club so I
remember rather sheepishly driving back
to my boxing club knowing I left there
because I've got caught up in drugs and
stuff knowing that I'd probably let them
all down and wondering how they treat me
want to come back and I member pulling
up in there in the carpark in there and
then so keV came out for the doors like
I lost one even recognized me and he
said come in man we went in and like he
let one of the other coaches carry on
with the class and stuff and went up and
sign the classrooms upstairs
it just checked me like you just heard
my story heard how old my life's
returning to you know complete hustle
yeah yeah except me like and you know
he's not Christian himself but the
values that he betrays their godly made
the beautiful and I mean the guy's
incredible May he was my first episode
and the reason he was my first episode
is because the world needs more of keV
Dylan and I don't think because he's
nature and his job and stuff he's not
aware of the whole selling himself for
marketing himself and I'm kind of I want
to be his advocate because I just feel
that if people spend mine with him
may I mentioned on the podcast the best
years of my life was when keV was
training me on a one-to-one basis I
loved him I loved spending time with him
I'm similar to keV I'm not a religious
person but we share the same values and
ethics and I feel that whatever you find
your power through or your level of Hope
through hold that tight I've never let
go because that's gonna that's gonna get
you through this world because and just
his way of thinking I mean he could sit
there and feel sorry for himself all the
time or he could judge you
there and I think it takes a big man
like yourself to come out and think okay
I've let these people down many times
before can I step back in the reason so
Fairplay for dropping your ego there
because I think that's another thing he
has we have a big sense of ego growing
up yeah and if you can if you can get
rid of the ego within yourself I just
think you live a much more fulfilling
life
no absolutely it's a blessing still
being a mop it still reading this Bible
and praying and still had these crazy
experiences may his cradles just in a
crazy time but I start with the box in a
box it becomes a place of stability
becomes a place of discipline and a
place where I'm accepted and then let me
even given the privilege of now to coach
as well and I'm like somebody's putting
value in tomorrow if you see something
it mean it's calling the help from me as
we've gotten more relation with God the
same things happening and I ended up
then going back to church I start going
to church I'll be honest because a girl
invited me and so I find myself in
church against trying to buy another
community of people that just love me
and accept me for who I am
and and then I heard the Gospel message
which is the central message of
Christianity that God loves you no
matter what you've done he wants to
forgive you for no matter how much
brokenness and how much pain you've
brought into this world and wants to
give you a second chance and so I sort
of accepted that message and I believe
through the boxing and the community had
their through the valley the cave was
given me through the Bible through my
experience of God something in me just
boldly changed and I had a new sense of
who I was as a person and for me I was
still taking drugs I never had any
troops counseling no referral workers no
drug dependency no no help or medication
just gonna show us how we can just
saying this is one going to live for the
next week drugs just went has no
addiction as new need for it there's
like the void that was being filled with
the drugs or the void that has been
filled with white say was darkness which
is full of light no best hope and it was
just boom I'm free and you made just
that I just want to touch time that
sorry just before you carry on you make
what you did there you made a decision
when you make a decision like you just
made there with conviction
in the church saying listen you know
what this is me now this is my new
identity this is the new actually mixin
I am no longer that person you've kind
of ridding yourself of that past it's
just powerful mate and I just want to
elaborate on that thank you thank you
yeah there's a beautiful passage in the
bio leases and you must be born again so
you must have your whole life completed
and he's set free from stuff so for me
I've always wanted to be free the drugs
I always knew it was wrong but there's
like something that just held me in it
like I don't know ever just like I said
didn't have the conviction didn't having
a belief
didn't have the sense of shrimp to get
myself out but now that moment standing
in my church and I message your foot
might not believe this is really true
it's almost as if BAM was born again you
know no man all right I felt like
something just changed like it's crazy I
love it's a massive change from
obviously where you fit first where we
just touch on that now so you you're
born again it's your day like now then
because I'm hoping and I've got my hands
crossed here that you're not on the
streets at any stage selling anything
doing anything god you made so what's
your kind of like daily routine that
you're doing that God the drums
disappeared on peon they don't say only
only like you and you're kind of dante's
you're you're downplaying the
achievements listen my biggest claim to
fame was keV was gonna select me for
novice Nationals and I'd only had one
fight previous to that and I took an
injury outside which is a story for
another day but I was so proud of that
because I know how hard it is to train
mate so fantastic mate well done for
that so thank you yeah so yeah I've done
the Box in than that and then I was
coaching the club and you know you just
shrimp dish shrimp and then I've I went
to my church I was doing like an
internship at the same time trying to
get my head into what the hell is this
crazy Christian world all about why is
the truth a bit as opposed to the the
Christianity of this portrayed in the
media what's the real story behind all
then my church said look we want to fund
you and pay for you to go to Bible
College which is basically University so
I went to university degree in the
priorities in church leadership
she's the first class on this as well
relations lady who's been in prison
he's quite yeah massive massive
turnaround I love that from their church
so about six hundred churches in Britain
and about three thousand around the
world as well they want to they've
recognized that my life changed I
recognized that there's something of God
in me and something's going on in my
life so they've probably now on to a
training program which is for the next
three years become an ordained reverent
a minister so I'm currently training to
become a minister and church mate
believe or not may you're giving me
goosebumps I contact you see you right
now
I promise you the hairs of light raised
Omaha from drugs to a degree to now
you're going to be spreading the message
of what you believe in the future and I
bless my little boy and be there for him
in an amazing life radically changed me
I love the privilege that I have to
share this story because every time I
share it I'm a I'm so grateful as well
myself to be able to sit here and speak
with you as well whether honestly this
is this is fantastic and this is this is
what it's all about spreading this kind
of message as well your son's very lucky
because sometimes I feel in a way
you have an advantage over other people
because you've been you've been in the
dark side mate you've been rock bottom
and use this in it and you're not you're
not reading a book about somebody who's
been on the dark side and then trying to
fabricate a story you've lived it you
know not on the other side and it gives
people hope and like likely touched on
earlier hope is like one of the most
important things in the world cuz if
you've nothing to hope for and nothing
to wish for then life kind of becomes
meaningless you know a powerful man I'm
really happy for you you give me
goosebumps mate it's the first time
we've really so I'm looking forward to
obviously keeping this friendship going
in the future as well and whenever you
down at the gym is are trying to stuff
my boxing gloves on I love it okay so
I'm gonna just switch it a little bit
now and I was gonna ask him at adversity
but I think pretty much hit like so many
aspects of your life in terms of
adversity but if I just put you on the
spot a little bit here now for the
listeners he has an only chance to kind
of prepare himself for this so let's
just point to him but I'm sure you'll
and you'll on the right answer me in
terms of adversity so now you've been
born again and things are going well for
you you've got hmm I mean new missus
you're with your son now you're spending
time with him things are going well for
you you've got your degree in everything
if let's just say now in the last couple
of months or the last year could you
think of a time where you've had
adversity again but knowing what you
know now and obviously finding the light
how do you handle it now because I think
it's really important for people to
realize that life can still try and
throw you a curveball and then it's how
you react to it so just give you a bit
of a back to do something I'm married
now and my wife is an incredible woman
you know sometimes I think there must be
a god because she's great obviously like
me my wife both came from Berger
backgrounds she's also got quite a story
of hope and transformation zone and
bhavish thing you come from a broken
back ground and that baggage doesn't
just go away you know I mean they're all
mindsets yes I'm a Christian now yes i
believe in christian principles and
morals but still I'm on a journey until
I see journey and you don't just change
just is it a change that happens over
and so the Christian Way obviously we
don't obviously try not to have sex
before marriage and that's probably one
of the big Christian teachings and stuff
I know the sex is a sacred thing saved
for marriage and which for me was very
foreign to the way I used to think and
so obviously my wife struggled with that
a little bit anyway but we decided that
we was gonna wait until he's married and
we believe highly in the sanctity of
marriage the marriage is an incredible
thing that it should be entered into
lightly and as opposed to our culture
today is that if something's not working
if you had to throw it away start again
and we're in a consumeristic culture so
once you've used something you just
throw it away if something's not working
properly anymore you get rid of it get a
new one and I think sometimes that kind
of mentality especially in the 21st
century carries forward into our
relationships and so we're not always I
don't think you got to work on a
relationship it starts to go wrong we
just think let's chop her out let's get
a new model sort of thing and so for a
Christian to not have the whole sector
for marriage and then to get married and
to believe that we're married in the
eyes of God that we've been brought
together because you know God wants the
very best for us and you have our very
high expectation of marriage and a high
view of marriage but as you can imagine
see people that don't live together and
then they start to live together it
causes friction
yeah any two people coming together any
two people with two different life
styles and different ways of living
friction and so I don't know if we had
an idealistic view of what life would be
like I think for me I'm away from the
first years of our marriage I suppose
we've struggled a little bit just with
the whole being different people coming
from broken backgrounds different
expectations and stuff I did the
beautiful thing of having such a high
view on the moment was that rather than
me thinking I'm gonna chop her and get a
new one it was like I'm gonna dig in
I've been through brokenness before I've
been through darkness before I've seen
how bad life from get you ain't gonna
get that bad again and I'm gonna press
through and say you saw look at the
victories from the past and you sort of
rely on them for victories in the future
and so me my wife worked out our
differences in just a flatiron
we're stronger now and more in love now
than we'd ever be if we hadn't have gone
through what we went through I'll be
honest mate sometimes you come humbly
were going on that woman she does
mulatto it and I'm sure if she was in
this room she'd say exactly the same
thing about me but I love it to bits man
and I think
without going through what we went
through we won't have what we have now
and suppose yeah I loved that mayor I
think it's remembering past victories to
believe that they'll be present
victories written victories of the past
as a sword not because I want to
elaborate on that in a second but just
before that you were making me small
while you were saying that and I was
kind of so I put my vulnerability here
I'm a very emotional person so I kind of
get emotional when I hear stuff let up
because the way I view my wife and my
marriage is the same as you it's it's a
very very important thing for me I was a
bit of a dad back at Union I always made
a promise at the moment I get married I
will do everything in my power to be the
best man that I can be and I so often
see people who maybe stray or just do
just do things that I don't necessarily
agree with so for me at man-to-man
hearing somebody who has that sense of
love and the way you look at your wife
may I hold my heart of team because it's
important because behind every month
good man there's a good woman and I'm
doing the stuff that I am fortunate to
do now I mean as we speak now and we
record this my wife's at work bless her
and my aim is to get her out of work
very soon but if I couldn't have done a
lot of the stuff I've done in my life if
it wasn't for my wife and I'm very
grateful I love just hearing your
transformation because although you were
doing all those things in the past this
person this genuinely amazing person was
always in there and I'm just glad that
you managed to find it just to touch on
the victories of the past so what I find
that so powerful was because there's a
guy called David Goggins I'm not sure if
you follow him but he's somebody who I
follow quite quite a lot religiously
basically but he mentioned something
called a cookie jar and what he does is
all of these he calls it like a jar of
fuck what he does is every time he's
been through shit in his life he puts it
into this imaginary jar of fuck right
and he calls it like the cookie jar and
then what happens is when he's faced
with adversity in life he thinks back to
that Johnny's at hold on a minute I'm
that same guy who's been through all of
this and I can get visit and going
through now and I think you've you've
done it in your own way you've said the
victories of the past will help you
secure victories of the future which i
think is just as powerful lesson so may
it's fantastic that I mean you don't
even argue there guys and yet you're
preaching the same stuff as this guy
who's in millions which is why I say
everyone's story matters because your
story matters and it's gonna it's gonna
inspire lots of people so
that's fantastic man I wish you and your
wife all the best it'd be great to get
her on the show as well which means I'm
very interested yeah I'm sure she would
be yeah yeah yeah definitely I'll put it
to anywhere she says definitely me
yeah she's got great story I love it
mate I'm just gonna switch gears again
I'm just conscious obviously I'm the
running time as well so where you are
currently now in your life and I know
you from like a physical aspect in terms
of like your boxing and stuff and being
on the streets you're not really afraid
of much or at least it doesn't seem like
you're afraid
but let me ask you the question right in
this moment right now what is your
biggest fear hmm okay
I mean so fear is also a vulnerable
thing because we put high value one on
faith I suppose the ante that would be
fearing it so the opposite of faith is
fear so fear for me would be that I've
been giving this incredibly beautiful
life and I make an absolute mess of it I
don't use every single day to do all I
can to give back to the garden and to
the communities that have built so much
into me so my fear would be that I might
just make a mess of things you know I
love that
so it's a great message and I'm
confident knowing where you are now I
wouldn't have been confident secure to
go up I'm confident that you'll do that
mate and you've got a good community
around you you've got mutual friends and
after this you know I consider you a
friend and if you ever need any help
from me by all these new reach I am more
than happy to sort it on my hand so on
the basis of that and obviously now you
found your calling and you just touch
that you want to make an impact or just
do the best you can basically would you
say that's your main motivation or
inspiration that kind of keeps you keeps
you going every morning or isn't
anything else other than your wife yeah
yeah there's a couple of things I
suppose I suppose having a fear is
something to kind of drag you down or it
can propel you forward yeah so like fear
is faithful it's believed in the
opposite to the lies that we sauce and
tell ourselves and for me a great source
of hope for the future and a drive is is
reading the Bible the Word of God and
there's some things in there may you
read anything in there for 2,000 years
now and like so there's a passion system
all things work together for good for
the good of those who love God and
that's like everyone's thought I've seen
people with tattoos if it says
everything happens for a reason it's
something that was written in the Bible
2,000 years ago some of the stuff that's
written in there about you know she's
might be transformed by the renewal of
your mind think on things are above
think on things that are holy and good
and pure and just training your mind to
think positively to think the best of a
negative situation is so powerful so and
so yes but for me like in the morning
just haven't you know 20 minutes half an
hour an hour even just reading that
crazy book that inspires you know
billions of people the world around it
that's a real motivator for me and then
there's those moments where you see
someone else they get it and the light
comes on absolutely and I'm in you can I
I now work from a Christian company we
work with kids that care system okay I
mean you think my life's but these kids
might day something like child sexual
exploitation backgrounds and severe drug
abuses from young age all kinds of
domestic abuse and violence and stuff
like kids that have been rejected by
their families and their parents their
loan Society and they come through the
system and it's basically teaching them
at the one end to tidy a bedroom and to
cook and clean and the other end to
function in society and to see them just
take little steps it's beautiful and to
be involved in that kind of a process
it's it's beautiful to do that sort of
thing is great it's good
yeah the motivator ultimately it's
living not for yourself or for others
there's a great power in buying into
yourself and when you know you no longer
need to let society think your your
written you've got it and you don't need
to prove you accept yourself then you
can live for others and that's beautiful
me Wow it is may may be may be
absolutely and you know I don't discount
anything but I just worked so what
really hit me there was a you might not
know this but I've got siblings who have
been in the foster care so three my
siblings are white
Josh Coyle and Kelsey and they came
through the foster care system but then
we went through guardianship so they
basically
the family and my younger sister Illya
is adopted as well so that was one of
the reasons where why I personally went
into social it because I want you to be
the best damn social worker in the world
and change the world because the life we
have made is a million times better than
the life these kids have had in kill
yeah and for you to be doing such a
great thing now I'm just I'm so grateful
that one you found like however you
found it but two you're also giving back
because you're gonna be a massive
positive influence on these dude I love
it mate we've got a lot more in common
than I thought other than boxing yeah
what thing is I went into social work to
cut a long story short because I was the
breaking as a project manager in London
I was only more money than I knew what
to do it but there comes a time where
you need something more than money to
get you out of bed in the morning and it
was always I just want to help people
and I send my siblings go through so
much shit that I was like I'm gonna
change the world but then when I got
into social is the one thing that let me
down was there's so much bureaucracy
that you can't really change it that
much so what I've done is thought okay
let me use my presence and my brand and
my marketing and influences and let's
try and change the world
holistic Lee so reaching out to people
like you you've got a community reaching
out to community centres and I'm trying
to make an impact where nobody say to me
oh you've got a gold do some paperwork
9205 I'm I'm doing this on my own and I
want to kind of change the world as key
shares that sounds my own way but I
can't do it by myself which is why I
need people like yourselves and others
to share this you'll really get together
so I love it mate and just on that note
the buzzer has gone off so this is the
part of the show where we get
interrupted we change the script we
change the pattern and we're just going
to go into a quick five 60 seconds
Q&A if you're ready yeah sounds good in
three two one
okay buddy the ability to fly or be
invisible or invisible for money or fame
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favorite place in the whole wide
right here and right now love it
would you rather speak all of the act
languages in the world will be able to
speak to animals all the languages if
you could abolish one thing in the world
what would it be darkness your favorite
song ever oh man Christmas is a
Christian song called how great how
great is our God not for me volumes read
minds or predict the future predict the
future okay okay but time is up so so
you work with money didn't you at the
end rather than fame the money or fame I
think I went from money in the end
because yeah with money you can do so
much for other people I love it and I
think sometimes Fame can get in the way
Klein it because means is something that
drives parade and elegance for me person
you know something I have to check on a
lot absolutely I love it me I love it
okay so we're gonna go back into the
interview style of the questions again
now like I said you keep taking the
words out of my mouth at the minute so
in relation to a reflection I always say
hindsight's a wonderful thing and upon
reflecting we can always think of ways
where we can do things quicker or get to
a certain place earlier or easier but I
always say the journey teaches us a lot
as well and yeah it's something that I
feel everything happens for a reason
which is kind of what you touch them on
so if you can go back to say one moment
in your life where maybe you were
struggling or you really found a turning
point and you could fast track all your
progress knowing exactly what you know
now what would that time be and what
would you actually say okay um I think
this is difficult is fun I think because
you said you put a lot of emphasis on
the journey already I think it's the
journey that makes you who you are
and so I mean I think I had to go to
present I won't want to not I've gone to
prison because I think that was such
crucial integral part of my journey to
experience what I experienced I wouldn't
want to stop myself and go in there so I
don't think I would be Who I am today
but I think it's just something so it's
impolite I mean we always look inward so
often and when we look in words when I
have people upset and his diet is broken
then we look out but everything else I
look so much better I think just looking
up just the words look up I love that I
mean personally I've obviously been a
man of faith I'd say just look up mm-hmm
but the journey they say it's crew
it's hard it is may it molds you into
the person that you are mice well I
suppose it's more for the fact that the
reason I always ask this question is
because I wouldn't change your journey I
wish you suffered less pain in your life
personally but at the same time I'm
grateful that you've been through your
journey and you come out the other side
because mate you're gonna do amazing
things in the world and I truly believe
that but I just feel that if say for
instance there was another carbon copy
of yourself but we can just take away a
little bit of their pain maybe and a
little bit of their hardship if there
was something that we could necessarily
say for I take your own I take your
answer on board I think it's fantastic
answer so thank you thank you so there's
only really one more question that I
always like to ask my guests for the
listeners and that is basically if say
for instance in 150 years time we are no
longer about and you know here's a book
on the table and this book is about you
so what would that book be called and
what would the blurb at the back of it
tell us about Ashley Nixon I stuffed me
that what would the book be Colin yeah
let's go from the blimp cuz I've thrown
that in myself here from darkness to
light no matter how dark has been this
journey of darkness will turn to I don't
know it's hard to think of a blurb on it
because blows becoming like trying to
capture all of what we've said or
paragraph it's I think no matter how
dark and how broken things can get there
is always a way out
and this story will show you the way out
will help you to be inspired to as well
I love it something along them lines I
don't know I have to pee I love it I
love that and just thinking out loud
what I would call it just on this I
would call it that's coming from
somebody who does it necessarily follow
God but I just think the lessons that
you just taught me today the lesson that
I live by anyway so it's kind of you're
saying stuff dumb like hold on a minute
is that in the Bible
really and that's fascinating for me
like I'm always eager to learn more and
try and become a better person so I
appreciate you for that I just want to
end this now because I think it's
important May and I know you're not
always on social media selling your
story I always try and get people to
sell their stories rather than you know
having to see people who are selling
courses and
all that shit on social media I think
it's more important people sell
themselves and they sell their true
story and what they can offer to the
world and I think you've got something
to offer so if there's one place that
people can connect with you what would
be the best way that people can reach
out to you I suppose Facebook he's the
one for me like I wasn't always on
social media was always into that sort
of thing but I recognized it is a place
where people connect so powerfully so
you know I mean and people share so much
of themselves on there and so I've got a
Facebook account on mine avid post there
is a bit more of my story on there for
people to recap over if they want to as
well so yeah it suppose Facebook
definitely and I don't mind people
saying formal questions the one okay
fantastic so for anyone listening please
do reach out it's actually mixing on
Facebook I'll put all the links and
everything in the show notes so you can
literally download it what I would just
say and again I'm not trying to add work
or anything it's just the kind of
thought off the top of my head is you
could potentially and maybe this is
something in the future mate is maybe
start a community it could be called a
little company could be called whatever
you want to call it right and I think if
you can get people who may be Christians
may be believers or people that have
sinned such a dark place because I'll
tell you something there's there's a
hell of a lot more people than just
yourself you have company this
transformation or or need this
transformation I feel that like you said
Facebook's very powerful maybe think
somewhere you create this a nice safe
haven for people where they feel safe
and I just think you've got a great
message mate it's been an absolute
pleasure speaking to you and yourselves
looting honestly it's been brilliant I
love to get you back on the podcast
again maybe with your missus or your
missus on a separate one because I feel
like everyone's got a story and I just
want to thank everyone for tuning in as
always thanks for listening and remember
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